When discussing past or current mates, why do some people have to ask what race they are?

I reckon they might have a tiny bit of a racist streak.

Maybe something said triggered a stereotype in their head.

Could be curiosity I guess, but mostly, I’m with @The_Bastard on that one. I mean, I notice that after speaking of some hardcore event, past or present, the question of race only pops up after things like shock are presented by the listener. Make any sense?

Not saying that’s always the case, but it is often.

Are these people who ask about race white or black? Or do both white and black people, or any people of any other race for that matter, ask that question when the subject of your current or past mates comes up?

I think that people just have preferences. It doesn’t mean that they’re necessarily racist. Just like some people like blondes instead of brunettes, or brunettes instead of blondes. I am more attracted to dark-haired beauties than blondes, but that doesn’t mean I dislike blond girls. On the contrary, I think they’re beautiful too, especially if they have a nice figure and face, a great personality, and have a warm, loving and feminine demeanor. When we’re growing up, we are exposed to media and other people’s ideals which influence the choices we make in life, impacting our desires and interests, but they don’t necessarily make us negative or hateful of others.

I wonder if racist people are less likely to ask? I only say that because I think their mind never goes to the possibility of someone dating outside of their race I think. I’m not sure? I can’t tell you how many times I have stopped people just short of saying something really stupid about Mexicans, sometimes I don’t get there in time, because I think they would never guess I am married to one. Unless of course the person being asked has a history of dating outside of their race, then I guess a racist person might be likely to ask if they knew the history. Just thinking out loud here.

@lilycoyote most of my friends are white and black, yes.

@Blackberry Is race brought up a lot in general in your circles?

Maybe they are just trying to get a picture of the person in their mind?

@JLeslie Enough for me to notice, yeah. Like if I meet a new person: “sweet man, is she white?” Lol.

It makes the conversation more salacious. Almost everyone is a natural gossip monger. It’s about sex and how much banging each one is getting or who are they getting it from and who are they tapping it with and is it a black guy with an asian or white chick with a black guy. I’m willing to bet it’s mostly about sex than racism.

I’ve never had this happen, personally, but I’m with @Fiddle_Playing_Creole_Bastard on this. Maybe they don’t “care”, but they still see race and are concerned with the race labels.

@Blackberry Seriously? That sentence I never would have guessed. Why don’t you ask them why they ask? Honestly that reminds me of black women being pissed when financially successful black men date white women. Like a white girl is a prize or something? Or, am I way off base? I mean, are black women all worked up, because indeed black men are choosing not to date them?

@Blackberry I don’t know why people ask then. A lot of times white people, which I am, a white person, will mention that someone is black when it has absolutely no relevance to what they are saying about the person who is the subject of the conversation. Not so subtle racism. So, If your black friends do it too, well, I don’t know, maybe a little of the same thing. There seems to be, still, a lot of sensitivity, a lot of issues, some of them complicated and below the surface, for both white and black people when it comes to dating, when it comes to relationships, but I really don’t know why people feel the need to bring up race when it is completely irrelevant.

I can honestly say, no one has ever asked me the race of the company I keep (romantic company or friendship company). If someone did ask me that I would definitely ask why they asked.

Because their brains are the same size, shape, consistency & hold the same capacity as a walnut?

I’ve been married 4 times and the topic was never raised! Of course living in Canada may be a factor.

I am a yankee in Australia and people are constantly asking me if my husband is a yank as well? Does that denote racism? Or is it only suspect when different skin tones are involved?

@rooeytoo They might be asking in your case if you moved here to be with your (now) husband, or if you two were married before you moved there.

I think they ask because people are just curious. I don’t take offence at the question. I get more upset when people ask me if I am Canadian.

I am assuming that @blackberry feels the question has racist implications and I think that a lot of people are simply nosy or curious. If I had a friend who dated people of different nationalities I might ask about a new mate and it would be because I am curious about the new one.