Why do people always say: I am not like other (women/men)?

I never say that. I let people figure it out for themselves.

That could be the precursor to where the bullshit is about to start flowing.

I think that women say things like that in hopes that you will see them as different, and hopefully better than other women.

I think you are right, they don’t want to be sterotyped. They also want you to know how special and unlike any other woman they are. Mmmkay.

A form of denial. A rejection of common and harmless values. Latent nihilism.

“You shoud think I’m special and misteryous and be interested in me, so that me, my thing, and my cock-logic language can have a go on you.”

A way to distinguish one from the masses. clearly she likes flowers Maybe she’s going the extra trouble because she’s interested, but doesn’t want to show it/come on too strong/whatever/not just yet anyways.
I don’t see a difference in between which gender claims this the most, though.

Too many people are taught that they are “special” or “It’s better to be yourself than follow the crowd. In my opinion, this is not the case. We are all more or less alike.

@Symbeline I think I probably have done it, and I have seen movies where a guy does.

@poisonedantidote Shit! I was just about to say that.

@josie ninja, hai!

What’s ironic to me is that as I have gotten more “special” I have found out more how not unique I am. All these emotions I feel when my brain chemistry is screwed up? Every other person I’ve met with my disorder tells exactly the same story.

We are not unique. We just aren’t. There are too many humans for that. We might be rare, but we’ll never be unique.

It’s ironic, because in the last few days, a number of people have mentioned that they thought I was different in some way. I just hold my tongue and let them believe that if they like. But I know better.

If you liked other people who are like me, you’re going to like me a lot.

First of all, you don’t tell a girl you want to buy her flowers, you just buy them. I’m sure she won’t reject them. For some of us ladies, It is awkward when a guy tells us “I want to buy you this”. A girl might say she is not like any other woman because, no one like to be like anybody else.

Maybe, sometimes they MEAN it!

Everyone is unique in their own way!
I am not like ‘other women’, in the sense that I am a pretty eclectic type, not a romance junkie, not emotionally volatile and moody like many women, live alone on a secluded property, have zero interest in playing the ‘game’ of popularity, sexual competition, am not desperate for a man, am very self sufficient, esoteric in my belief systems, not afraid of anything that walks, crawls, runs, pounces, gallops, growls, slithers, climbs.

Not neurotic, not dependent, not Einstein but pretty damn bright, bohemian writer/poet/artist type, and have had men tell me I am “intimidating’ in the sense of being a smart and attractive woman that exudes a very confident air, and women tell me that I am ” in a league of my own.” I guess that does make me not like a lot of other women.

I never SAY that to a man, but, it has been said to ME! lol

Hey, we’re all snowflakes, some are just more yellow than others. hahaha

@Coloma Careful where the Huskies go, don’t you eat that yellow snow!

@Symbeline

And no yellow slurpees for you, and, BTW..YOU are in a league of your own as well little sister! ;-D

@Coloma that is what I am trying to get at. It almost seems that you listed a number of negative things and attributed that to women. Do we subconsciously try to dissociate ourselves with the negative gender roles we hold ourselves?

Not neurotic, not dependent, ... I guess that does make me not like a lot of other women.

@Coloma It’s what my shrink tells me. XD

And I totally knew you’d get the whole slurpee thing I was setting up, coupled with everyone’s main man Zappa. :D

Some times it means they have a penis… don’t ask.

As a female that appreciates flowers, but has no interest in receiving a bouquet, I can relate to how she feels about them. Since you told her that you would like to buy her some flowers, it opened up an opportunity for her to share her honest opinion with you. I told my SO on the front end, just in case the thought ever crossed his mind. I’d rather that he spend his money on buying a gift that I will appreciate, like an ice cream cone.

As for her choice of words, it could stem from something much more simple than what is offered in some of the above posts. I spent 25 years in an office environment where women received their 15 minutes of fame whenever flowers were delivered for them. A bevy of female co-workers would rush over to ooh and aah at them and ask for details. If your lady friend has experienced something similar, I can understand how she might look upon it as a stereotype of most women and why she might make a comment like that.

@Imadethisupwithnoforethought

No, no, no, not intended as some grandiose self promoting thing, not at all..but, there ARE some stereotypes that do fit. There ARE women that jump on chairs when they see a mouse or feign ‘helplessness’ to appear fragile and therefore more appealing to the he man scene. Some stereotypes do have more than a grain of truth, but don’t forget, I am the ‘classic’ model these days, I had my fair share of programming as a younger woman, even though I always retained my rather unconventional snowflake self. ;-)

I’m vintage esoteric now. lol

Because A: they are stereotyping and B: they want to believe they are different!

@pied_Pfeffer I appreciate the thoughtful response. I will not buy the young woman flowers as she has expressed her opinion.

The choice of words is common and got me curious as to why people do this so often.

I can never get the underline to work with you for some reason :)

@Imadethisupwithnoforethought

I think it’s great you are really LISTENING to what she says. Maybe she’d prefer a block of sculpting clay or an ethnic drum over flowers. ;-) projection

Finding out about another is half the joy!

@Imadethisupwithnoforethought I guess what I was trying to say is that when people, male or female, use the “I am not like others”, it could be that it is based upon feeling like they are the only one who feels this way. Compound it with other possibilities, like not interested in gossip, romance movies, etc. and preferring conversations about global news, politics, etc. and you have the makings of a woman that may feel like she is not like other women.

So maybe the comment was made out of some internal struggle in wondering why she is different than other women, or maybe it stems from some sort of disdain for women who feed these stereotypes. Maybe she thinks that men who give flowers expect something in return. Or maybe she is like me and just thinks that flowers are a waste of money unless they are potted. The list could go on.

I’m not like that.

I have not read anyone else’s response, so sorry if there is another answer like this one.

There are flowers I like, but I prefer not to receive flowers. Just sayin’. Why don’t you believe her? That sounds unfortunately like a male stereotype.

If you are acting stereotypically, making stereotypical assumptions, like a man should buy a woman flowers, I don’t understand why you would find it odd at all for a woman to say she is not like other women regarding flowers. You acting sterotypically, her response will not be stereotypical receiving them, and in the end you feel she really deep down does fit into the sterotype. So, I guess she will make you happy since you really seem to want her to be happy about your flowers. Or, you could find out what she really does like to receive.

She doesn’t want to be The OTHER Woman, and so she says she’s not like other women.

It’s an obvious Freudian slip.

@Photosopher I disagree. It is not about wanting or not wanting to be like other women. It is just pointing out when we don’t fit into a sterotype; stereotypes we are all aware of. I don’t think there is some big psychoanalytical thing going on.

Generalization I’ve found in 40 some years it’s kinda true
Most women believe most men believe most women are silly and materialistic. Even receiving something as simple as flowers or as traditional as an engagement ring is looked on as anti-feminist. I believe it’s women who don’t receive these things who do most of the bashing.—

If it helps focus the discussion, I called her and asked if she really likes to get flowers and she said she does but did not want to admit it.

@Imadethisupwithnoforethought

Let the games begin.

Plastic flowers is a nice game move.

Plastic flowers? Fresh from the cemetary?

@Photosopher thanks for game tips whenever.

I like the Freudian slip theory, i am still thinking it over.

Double points.

@Imadethisupwithnoforethought I don’t understand at all why she would do that. All I can say is get ready. That seems like a red flag to me.

Gender stereotypes are annoying, so your theory about avoiding them makes sense to me. It’s frustrating to feel yourself getting boxed into a stereotype as you’re talking to someone.

Like @wundayatta, I’d rather let people figure out my personality. But I have said that I’m not like other women. My interests are more like a nerdy twelve year-old boy than a twenty-six year old woman: I write sci fi, play Dungeons and Dragons, and draw swamp monsters. I’m not the cook in my household, and I know how to change my own oil. Clothes shopping irritates me, high heels disgust me, and babies bore me. I was invited to an all-male bachelor party in the role of awesome female friend. In a society that discourages opinionated and angry females, I am both. Online, none of this seems all that unique. In real life, I know very few women like me.

Can’t speak for any other women, or their reasons for saying it, but of course, I’m not like them. ;)

Oh don’t take me wrong @Imadethisupwithnoforethought. I’m not advocating game play of this sort. In sarcasm, just providing viable solutions for those would wish to. Doesn’t mean I favor it.

@Imadethisupwithnoforethought Wow. Thanks for making the call and letting us know. Wow…

Well..what IS the definition of game playing?
” Oh no, I don’t want flowers, I don’t want flowers, but, well, I just don’t WANT you to THINK I want flowers, because that would make me a “typical” woman, but I really do, because ALL girls like flowers.”

Talk about lost in translation.

@Photosopher knowledge is power. And with great power comes great responsibility.

It a good thing to say to get rid of someone who is annoying them.

I find this phrase goes hand-in-hand with own-gender loathing, (e.g. “I’m not like those other dramatic bitches”) and usually comes from girls trying to appeal to guys by trying to come off as low-maintenance.
I’m surprised many of you think this is denial of gender stereotypes. To me, it says the person does believe in gender stereotypes because the phrase implies that “other men/women” typically behave in a particular way. The phrase throws up a lot of red flags for me (this is somebody who buys into gender stereotypes, thinks poorly of her own gender, is manipulative, etc.).

It’s either BS, or they’re actually misunderstood in society and are different from the norm.

I think there are so many negative stereotypes associated with females, such as in another question I asked regarding a woman’s argument being called a “cat fight” etc. I suppose there are equally as many associated with the “typical” male.

So someone who says “I am not like other females/males” is trying to differentiate themselves from that stereotype.

Because we are all different and not everybody can see – figure this out early on
Each individual wants to be treated different so it’s better to state it from the start then to see later you were just a copy of someone else in his/her mind.

I hate to admit it, but I’ve definitely said this. I’ve been told by several men I’ve dated that I’m not like other women they’ve been with, and I guess I believe them. It’s not like I go out of my way to prove it or anything, but when someone is surprised by what I do or don’t do (because it’s not a ‘typical female’ thing), I’ll say it in response to their surprise.

When she declined the flowers (at first), did you say something like “I thought women love getting flowers.”? If so, that’s where I’d be saying “I’m not like other women.”

Obviously, this is all moot since she apparently had some other motive in mind.

@augustlan I see nothing wrong with the sentence when someone is putting you in a position of stereotyping you. This particular woman the OP is talking about, like you said, other motives, again red flag in my opinion. Either she meant it and backed down to please him, or never meant it and is playing some sort of stupid game.

@augustlan Thanks. It was proactive. Something along the lines of:

”...when we start dating I’ll be buying you flowers all the time…”
”...I’m not like other women. Don’t buy me flowers…”

I don’t believe it is moot. I am struck upon thinking about the phrase and how often people say it. I think I recognized what @Mariah was talking about and it has blown my mind that people disparage their own genders.

@Imadethisupwithnoforethought I do not agree it is disparaging of our own gender.

@Mariah said more directly what I was trying to when she brought up the gender loathing and women trying to appeal to men by play denying or bashing on things that they assume are associated with “typical” women, like flowers, jewelry, “chick flicks”, baby animals, whatever. Most of what I’ve seen hasn’t been genuine but a different way of playing up to the man.

Well, I have said that I am not your “typical” women; becuz I’m not. I like frogs, bugs and snakes. I enjoy things like climbing trees, looking for animal tracks and markings. Yet, I also like to go dancing, shows and dress up like a lady. I like flowers and going to baseball games and wearing a t-shirt, jeans and a baseball hat. I can be like one of the guys. I’ve always been able to get along better with guys because I remember growing up in high school a lot of the girls were into fashion and make up. Granted I wore make up and dressed nice, but I wasn’t so worried about what others thought of me.
I guess what I’m trying to say is….don’t hold it against a women for saying she isn’t like your “typical” women. She portrays herself that way and its okay to be/feel that way. Some women can be very sentimental, yet not like flowers. I can see that side of things because flowers don’t last. @Imadethisupwithnoforethought :Maybe getting your girlfriend a pretty flowering plant would be better. Just a thought. I don’t know if I am making any sense with what I am trying to explain.