How can I tell my FLAKEY friends that I'm pissed off?

I wouldn’t have shown up either.

Welcome to Fluther.

What, exactly, is a “wickless candle party”? Why would anyone go, especially if they also have no idea what it is?

I’m guessing it’s like a tupperware party.

Rather like the candle, it seems they blew you out.

I thought it was a witless party so I didn’t show up to keep from proving the point.

Well, to actually answer your question, why don’t you say something like, “Kind of disappointed not one of my friends showed up to my candle party.” (Sounds a lot like what you put in your details section, eh?)
As an aside, personally, I wouldn’t have come either. I tend to find those “parties” long and boring.

I’m confused. Very confused. They responded “yes” to the invitation, yet didn’t show up? Did anyone know what the heck a “wickless candle” is or have any interest in them? Wait…are you serious?

A related question – is this type of thing acceptable where you live? Do people come up with some kind of exotic marketing concept and see if they can get their neighbors to bite? Is it possible that you should be apologizing to your friends and neighbors for trying to pull them into something creepy, then expecting them to come despite the fact that they did not respond “yes”?

Welcome to Fluther!

Wait! Before any action is taken, may I ask one question? You mentioned passing out flyers, hanging signs, and inviting a handful of friends. Did any of them say that they would attend and then not show up? There is a big difference in being offered an open invitation and responding to it saying that one would attend.

If the latter is the case, how you feel right now is understandable. It seems like a better move would be to approach those people privately one you have cooled down.

I will be blunt with you and flat out tell you that there is nothing fun about going to a “party” where you are hit up to spend money on over-priced,cheaply made, bullshit that one would never purchase unless guilted into it by family members and friends.
I am over such guilt,and am glad for it.
Don’t take it so personally.

Welcome to Fluther and in-home sales. Truth be known sales of anything right now is down. My daughter-in-law does sales “in-home” and has for 8 years, luckily she has build up a very large area and following. Even so she has said things are down 40%. My wife and I have done craft shows for 26 year but not this year.
I hope you drop shipment for you product and not you storing it.

Don’t stop but make sure you have a commitment from your potential clients to show up at your place.

I’m also among those who won’t attend sales parties. I don’t care who’s holding it – I don’t want to buy it and won’t go.

This was my first posting to Fluther so please be nice :)... I didnt know how much I should describe with out boring you to death.. The type of party I threw was a Scentsy party (google it) and it wasn’t one of those long drawn out parties, it was an open house where you can come in and go just as you would a “open house”. I’m from the south and we tend to support each other and I expected them to at least support a friend like I would them. To come over and at least check out my products. As far as YOU not personally wanting to go to a party like that, I don’t give a shit. I just wanted you to tell me what I should say to my UNGRATEFUL friends because I go to all of their stupid parties, baby showers, wedding showers, and etc…..

Tell them that you think they’re ungrateful because you go to all of their stupid parties, baby showers, wedding showers, and etc…

No point in beating around the bush. If you’re upset and feel the need to say so, then say so.

In-home sales parties are not socially acceptable where I live. You might want to post something like this “I,m sorry you missed my party, but you can still help me earn some extra cash by placing your order online (contact address).”

Thank you Seelix LOL thats what I wanted to hear!! WOO HOO :)

You were trying to sell your friends something. They did not have any obligation to come and buy something.

You are the one who misused the bonds of friendship.

I don’t have any obligation to give them gifts for their stupid weddings whos marriage lasts a year or for their stupid baby showers either. I am not missusing my friendships by the way its a social gathering where adults can talk about things instead of drowning in alcohol. What do you do for a living anyway? (marinelife)

PS… they have had these types of “in home” parties that i’ve attended.

At least it wasn’t your birthday party.

PS… lonely house wives and single chicks attend in DROVES to go to adult pleasure parties called “passion parties”!!!! HA HA

If that is the case, it sounds like you hosted the wrong type of party.

Thank you Pied… I joined not to get rich but honestly so I could have a hobby and I love candles. I go to school full time and work full time and guessing since i don’t have time to chit chat or go to bars with them they just blew me off. I am just hurt that I set my expectations too high. Expectations usually lead to dissapointment anyway!!!

You are hurt that you set your expectations too high? Can you please explain this? I haven’t heard it phrased that way before. ‘Hurt by others’ actions’ and ‘disappointed by setting my own expectations so high’ yes, but not the way you phrased it.

If you have a passion for these candles and want to share your love of them, my recommendation would be to step up the marketing process. One way would be to give out small samples in advance, or give the products as gifts at birthdays, etc.

@krdalton1 – You mentioned that you’re from the south, but now on the coast or up north? If you honestly just want to have people over for socializing, try inviting a couple of people over for dinner. And when you do, make sure you provide some kind of rsvp system. You will know ahead of time how many people will be attending.

Friends shouldn’t be obligated to support you with their wallets. I’ve had friends like that, and I’ve always felt used and resented. You have to go to their birthdays and baby showers – but they have to return the favor, and you don’t have to buy something expensive. Gift giving is very, very different from asking them to help you pay rent.

@tom_g @WasCy Wickless candles are just the scented wax in the jar, with no wick. You get a candle warmer (kinda like a hot plate, normally about 10 bucks), and it heats up the scented wax and makes your place smell nice without burning the wick and the wax down. They last much longer than candles with wicks do. Course, it’s not exactly the same romantic vibe as with the flame of a regular candle, but it can definitely be great when you want to get away from choking on Fabreeze.

The last sales party I attended (and I have not gone to many) was a candle party. The candle holders I bought were way over priced, and everyone buys at least one thing. I consider these parties tacky and I don’t now go to them. When I go to a party like a baby shower or wedding shower, I go because I really like the person who the party is for, and I am happy to give a gift. Also, in exchange for the gift, I have a great time with friends and family, and usually get dinner or lunch or whatever the party food is. At a sales party, you get some chips or munchies and you are expected to pay for some overpriced crap.

If you want people to come to a sales or political or even an educational or musical event, you have to call them and talk to them personally. Even then, if ten people say they will come, only five will actually come. If you’re lucky, five people who didn’t say they would come will come.

The only people who can send out flyers and expect people to show are people who are already well known. Otherwise you have to organize the shit out of it. Call everyone. Talk to them personally. Call them again. Call them the day of the event to remind them. Repetition, repetition, repetition.

And then some more repetition.

If you do all these things and they still don’t come, then that is worrisome. Maybe they really don’t like you. Maybe they hate the idea of candles.

In any case, a salesman never takes it out on the customer. It is never the customer’s fault they don’t buy. It’s always the salespersons. You would be better served by evaluating your organizing tactics to see if you can do a better job next time. You can be damn sure you will do worse next time if you find ways to shame or beat up the people who didn’t show this time.

You would probably offend your friends and lose some of them as friends, too…..Many might have legit reasons for not coming – childcare issues, whatever. Unless you speak to them, you don’t know.

There’s nothing you can do.. It was an invitation, an invitation gives them a choice and they took it. My wife had the same problem during our marriage, and it wasn’t directed at light neighborhood get togethers but major holidays as well. She would go completely out of her way, invite everybody but at the end of the day only one or two couples would show up (if that).. It hurt but I told her, people are cruel, their self-serving.. promises don’t always have meaning (except at the moment).. My advice.. Find real friends and enjoy their company and when they fail to show up, celebrate with who ever is there. Remember, it’s not the quantity of your friends, it’s the quality.

If they never responded to the invite saying they would come to the party, I wouldn’t say anything. If they said they would come, but then never showed, I’d ask them what happened. The fact that you go to all their parties is great and all, but not really the point. What you do for your friends and what they do for their friends are different things. I get wanting your friends to do the same things for you that you do for them, but expecting it is only going to cause you to be upset if they don’t live up to your expectations, especially if this happens often.

If you really consider these people to be your friends, consider your words carefully. If you are too harsh when you confront them, you may not have friends after doing so. Think carefully about what’s more important, their friendship the way it is or them coming to your Scentsy parties.

When I go to a party, like a birthday party, shower, whatever, I may pay $50 for a gift worth $80 or $100, and happily give it to the hostess, she’d be happy to receive it, I’d be happy to give it. If I were to attend a sales party, I would spend $50 for some junky stuff worth $15 or $20, I would not be happy, would have done it out of a feeling of obligation, and the hostess would just get some more junky stuff or credits toward more junk.

I wouldn’t exactly call your friends flaky, especially if they never specified whether they were coming or not. In-home sales aren’t exactly ideal for a get together, especially in times where people may not have as much money to spend on frivolous or silly things that they don’t need and often aren’t very high quality. In regards to the fact that you go to their “stupid weddings” and “stupid baby showers”, I’d like to think that a wedding or a baby shower or some other life milestone would have more meaning than an event designed to make money off of the guests. If you think the events are so stupid, no one’s forcing you to go. Don’t give just so you can expect to receive something in return.

I feel as though some of you are mad at me for being upset. Look at this smile i rarely get upset!!! Thank you for the delightful responses that gave me advice :)

@krdalton1 – Sorry if I came off as mad. Honestly, I was (am) confused. Just wanted to understand better. I still don’t know if you answered the most critical question we have been asking: Did you require your guests to rsvp? And if so, did they respond “yes” but still not come?

Also, I’m not sure how old you are or your friends. As a 38-year-old parent, I have no time for anything at all. We will occasionally get an invitation to something. We will do it occasionally, but it is a huge inconvenience to deal with the kids, etc.
Remember – throwing a party (even a non-sales party) is something done for the benefit of the party planner – not the invitees. All of the effort in planning the perfect event and food, etc. is something that the planner is doing for him/herself. Just don’t put that on the poor people who have been invited.
I am curious, and I may have missed your response….what about the rsvp question???