Should you keep dogs that you love even if they do all these things?

Having pets can be annoying. Its hard work. If you just thought it was all fun and games, well, that is not really realistic. Pets are like children. Small dogs have lots of energy.

If you must give them up, at least try to find them a good home.

I don’t want to give them up; they’d be traumatized. I just wondered if this is normal behavior. I really thought two dogs near the same age would mean contented companionship. I never had dogs before; I didn’t know they’d be high maintenance. It is $85 to groom both of them, too.

@Aster You asked if you should keep the dogs in your question. I assumed the implication in that question was you didn’t want to. I have a Pomeranian and he is a huge amount of work and money to keep groomed. I understand how hard it is. It will get easier as they are trained more.

@athenasgriffin I asked if I am “cut out” for dog ownership or if I am of the wrong temperament for having dogs. I was thinking maybe certain types of personalities are the only kinds that should have them; what type of personality that would be I do not know. I am not the “lonely” type. Maybe that type is right . Or maybe people that would be termed “dog crazy” would be right.

Honestly, I think the problem is you.

The behaviour of your dogs is normal under the circumstances. The behaviour they are displaying, that you have an issue with, has nothing to do with temperment.

Do you play with your dogs? How old are your dogs? It seems like all three of you need better training. Seriously. Your dogs sound normal to me. However, they sound like dogs who are lacking attention. They seem bored and untrained. Your dogs can be trained to not follow you into the kitchen, especially when you have food. Your dogs see you as pack leader, or at least part of their pack, so it is normal they want to be where you are. You come in the house ..so they want to come in as well. Help them feel safe about their doggie door again.

What do you mean “they go to bed at 7pm”? Are they having to hold it in from 7pm to sunup? That is incredibly long. I am not surprised they, or one of them, is urinating on your carpet. It’s the same place every time because they can smell it too ..much more than you can. The smell says “toilet” to them. Like you and I, your dog can only hold it for so long.

When you get a dog, or dogs, you are responsible for everything they do or do not do. Before picking out a dog, everything should be looked at and considered. The cost of keeping them healthy, vet costs, grooming, shelter, training, personality, schedules, exercise, etc. It seems like you did not do your homework before welcoming these dogs into your home. Because of that, you are having issues now. By the way, you can groom them yourself.

If you love your dogs, and don’t want to adopt them out, then take obedience classes with them. Or teach yourself from online material and books. The responsibility is entirely on you, not your dogs.

We have two dogs the same age and they are worse than toddlers when it comes to needing attention. You really need to have patience when you own more than one dog. Just because you have more than one doesn’t mean they need less attention.

So what you guys are telling me is you should be prepared first, read about dog ownership first, take them to obedience classes, be a patient person—this doesn’t sound like a whole lot of fun to me just to get your face licked 50 times when you wake up. I never knew any of this.

@Aster People don’t have dogs just to get their faces “licked 50 times” when they wake up.

What exactly were you expecting any ways? Why did you get dogs in the first place?

@Aster I was willing to give you the benefit of the doubt before this last comment but now I think you should definitely not be a dog owner. From previous posts on Fluther I have doubted your commitment to these dogs but you have just confirmed my doubts to be true. These dogs deserve more. Sorry to be harsh but if you are not willing to train, walk, have patience and research then you are a disgraceful owner and all of these problems your dogs have are you own fault.

@Leanne1986, I feel bad now. I’m a disgrace but I’m still nice to them, hug and kiss them, talk to them a lot, give them dog biscuits and it’s not nearly enough. Surely not enough for them anyway.

A dog is a high maintenance pet. If you’re not prepared to be a responsible dog owner, you definitely should not have dogs. You should indeed have researched just how much goes into it, they are living creatures with requirements for health and care. Being “nice to them” is not enough for any pet. They are essentially like very young children who will never learn how to use the toilet, so accommodation must be made. It sounds like it would be best for the dogs if you contacted your local bichon rescue group, and hope they can find your dogs a good home with people who know how to care for them.

@PluckyDog why did I get dogs. My s/o is from a “dog lover” family. He always had them, all his life, his ex wife picks up strays and lets them live inside, his parents had a golden retriever, his sons have a dog. Then one son’s dog died; the other son’s dog had to be given away because the neighbors kept calling the authorites about it barking a lot in the backyard. My ex actually always had outside dogs , still does. My kids both have dogs. But I guess this isn’t the answer. The real answer is: my s/o simply wanted a bichon. And they sleep on our bed. And I really thought that alone would be babying them and showing love.

@Aster These dogs need much more than just your hugs and kisses. Please wake up and be more responsible for these dogs. They rely on you for guidance.

Ah…that would get on my nerves, too. I don’t know that you’re doing any thing wrong. I’m fortunate in that the dogs I have are, for the most part, independent. I have a spaniel that would whine and mope around a lot, except for the fact that our shepherd (Dakota) would just slap her upside the head. Dakota pretty much trained the spaniel, single handedly. Dakota is not a moper, whiner, follow you around kind of dog (see my avatar!)

Smaller dogs seem to be more hyper and needy, imo, than larger, calmer dogs. But you should not have larger dogs unless they can spend at least half of their time outside in a very large yard, at the least.

It does not sound like these dogs and you area a good fit for each other.

If you cannot take the time or make the effort to exercise a dog, then you can fully expect the resulting hyperactivity.

You guys…quit snarling at her.

…Do you have a yard?

OMG.

I get it I really do. My life was thrown into a whirlwind after my husband passed away I had to move into a small apartment.

I have 2 huge dogs. Labs. I never ever would of had dogs on my own. First they are alot of work.
Two, my black lab has major issues, fear of many things which when prompted I need to take many hours just to calm him down. Today for example 2 short beeps from the fire alarm sent him crazy for 1&½ hrs. And he whines. My chocolate lab is totally balanced. And probably the dog you want I say that because that is how I want my black boy to be….
BUT
I love them both. I could never give up on them they are a part of me a part of my husband they are like my kids. I am their leader, and I could never subject them to another life. I love when I wake up they are happy to see me with kisses and half jumps and carrying my slippers around.

I walk my dogs an hour and a half everyday no matter what the temperature is this is not easy for me I have fybromyalgia. If it’s hot I’ll go in the morning. If it’s raining or snowing or sleeting I will go it let’s us connect with eachother and nature and gives an adventure.

If you really think you cannot live up to dogs lifestyle than you really should of thought about that before you got them to spare them the expense.
But you know what if I can do it anybody can. Don’t be such a negative nellie. :(

@Dutchess_III : Nobody’s snarling, we’re just taking the info she gave us and suggesting that maybe she should rethink the dog-ownership thing, as she was clearly not prepared.

@Meego… you have two labs in an apartment?!!!! Is it still standing?

@JilltheTooth Yes you are. I think she’s been bitched at enough for not being as prepared as she should have been but didn’t know how prepared she should have been before she got the dogs. She has the picture.

@Aster Do you have a yard, or are they strictly indoor dogs? Also, was it your idea or your SO’s to get the dogs? (It’s ok if it was your idea….you didn’t know! I didn’t know either, the first time I got a dog!)

I agree with @JilltheTooth
I also agree there needs to be a connection. I’m emo :’( now that there is this song on so you think you can dance Canada
“I never want to see you unhappy, I thought you want the same for me…”

May I suggest that if the dogs must be placed in a new home, that Craigslist or the newspaper classifieds may offer better hope than a shelter. But if a shelter is the only option, then consider finding a no kill shelter, if at all possible.

It’s good you are asking this question. I’m impressed with your openness and eagerness to solve a problem. No shame in discovering this dog situation may not be appropriate for your life right now. There are many dogs left abandoned for lessor offenses. Good that you are seeking realistic and ethical solutions.

I believe that you could find a home where they’d be happier. I’ll bet you take an ad out, and two people who just lost their bechions will feel it’s a gift from heaven. Just screen carefully…

I had to give up my dog once. It wasn’t easy, but looking back I realize it was the best for all.

That is exactly what I just told her @Photosopher. The first time my first husband and I got a dog, we were in over our heads in six months. We weren’t prepared for that size or that kind of a dog—some kind of a shepherd, and we lived in the city (with a small yard.) We re-homed him to a good place in the country.

A few months later, and a few months wiser, we got another dog, Snuffy. Part cocker and part black dog. I had Snuffs for 15 years. Ripped my heart out when she died. I think it’s important that when I went to pick the new puppy (Snuffy) out I sat down and watched and listened and picked out the one that made the least noise. Never had a barking or whining problem with Snuffers. (I forgot that trick with my spaniel that we have now… :( ) I also had a good idea that she wouldn’t be much bigger than a cocker spaniel, and she wasn’t.

@Aster Dogs are a lot of work, as children are. Usually they can’t hold themselves for 12 hours or more before having to urinate. Even if my dog is sound asleep, I make her get up and go outside right before I go to bed. To me, dogs are a part of my life but I’m not the “lonely type” as you say, I just love animals. If you don’t love them by now, maybe you should think of re-homing them. Getting the dogs groomed is costly and going to the vet at a minimum twice a year for shots, heartworm medicine, kennel cough shots, all times two dogs adds up. If one should get sick or hurt that vet bill can be huge. My dog got sick in May and cost me 500.00 for 3 visits in one week. I don’t have that kind of money, but I spend my savings if I have to get her well. I’m just saying this because you stated above you didn’t really think this through before you got them. Not everyone is cut out to be a pet owner and there is no shame in it, or admitting that you may have gotten in over your head with two dogs.

@chyna Well said.

I think Fluther ate Haleth….

@Dutchess_III I choose boxers because they hardly ever bark and don’t need groomed. They are high energy though.

Mastiffs are good too, I’ve heard…if you have the room! I’ve heard they’re very gentle monsters. I’m trying to determine if she has any outside area for them at all…I just can’t imagine having a dog without a yard for them to run in.

@Dutchess_III Yeah I have two labs in a small apartment, no backyard. That’s why I dedicate myself to walking them everyday.
I probably would of done much better with the Bichon’s. This is my crew

@Meego Beautiful!

@Meego : They have that look of “Wha? Who? Me??” about them…

@Meego You, my dear, are insane! We had a couple of labs once. We have a very large fenced corner lot. They ate it. They ate the porch swing we had. They ate the grills. They ate the fence. They ate EVERYTHING. I swear, I’d walk that yard every morning to be sure there was nothing out there that they could eat, except their toys. I’d come back from work….and the yard would be TRASHED. I have no idea where they got everything! We took them to the lake three times a week to run….but then they ate the lake.

Plus, the one was a fence climber. A privacy fence climber. True story. I stuck my head out the back door one, and Asa had climbed up to the top of the fence and had her front legs hooked over by the arm pits, her back feet on the stringer…and she was just looking out at the neighborhood saying “Hi!” to everybody! It was funny. I’ll never forget the goofy smile on her face, her tounge hanging out as she just watched the neighborhood go by! But…she would go OVER the fence. We could not keep either of them in. $900 dog-at-large fees later we decided we had to re-home her. She was about a year and a half old. Sometimes, even with the best intentions, you get yourself into situations you just can’t handle : (

really tied up now but wanted to say we have a big, fenced yard ; fenced black steel? With squirrels and lots of birds and trees. Later…

Just frow ‘em outside then!!!

@JilltheTooth Did you see the caption on Meego’s dogs? I just saw it myself! ROFL!!!

Don’t get me wrong…my Otis my black boy(yeah the crazy one)...he ate a trellis. LOL. A couch. And the wall. The trellis was my MIL’s prized made by an ex BF gift..lol..the couch was my mothers livingroom never ever sit on 25yr old couch. The wall…well he had a fascination with eating anything that was paper material including mail..yes the dog ate my bills, and my daughters homework. This was of course before I knew what walking a dog was…then we started walking and now they sleep all day. It’s sheer bliss actually, give them 1&½ hrs and the rest of the time they sleep, unless there is something Odie (black one) is afraid of. Ranging from lightening, fireworks, firealarms, planes, sirens. He has sensitive hearing x)

@Aster Is there anything else besides the heat that makes you not go for a walk? I myself am in pain always and honestly if you could have my life for a day with my big yank you down in a minute dogs no help included then you could go back to your little toy dogs and be thankful I bet. I envy ppl with little dogs :/

@chyna TY :))
@JilltheTooth it’s not just a look lol the also do that. This morning we were on the run for rabbit stew. When I finally get their attention they look at me like “what!”

That’s the look I get from Zuppy when he’s caused a bit of trouble. It’s the “Wow, aren’t I just too cute to yell at when I’m remorseful?” look.

LOL I think Zuppy probably is really cute. :)
And fur me ‘Sable Gurrl’ & ‘Stinky odor’ are forever tattooed on my heart no takesies back and I can’t imagine my life w/out them even though they are and make me craaaaaazy.

I am a SuperMouse and I was not cut out to own a dog.

@Aster if you are not a dog owner it is alright, it is not a character flaw not to want to own a dog. It doesn’t sound like you love these dogs. Maybe you feel like you need to say you do because it seems like the right thing to do, but really you don’t have to love them. If they are making you miserable maybe it is because they are miserable. Your s/o liking animals is no reason for you to have them – especially if most of the care falls on you as it seems to in this case. You are allowed to want to find the dogs a home where they will be loved, appreciated, trained, and maybe even spoiled.

@Meego, I suspect you might enjoy this comic !

@Aster I have inherited my daughter’s bichon poodle. He’s been here since he was 4. He’s quiet, mostly amuses himself, loves car rides, is just a love. He does do that dog stare though. After I go down the list and check it twice(!) I just say no more and ignore him! When my daughter moved in 3 yrs ago I dreaded Gator but he’s great. I’m trying to say yours will settle down, too.

I always tell people that before you get a pure bred dog, you should go to a dog show and talk to breeders. They are not in the business of selling dogs so you get a true description of what kind of care is needed by their breed.

Some breeds are more “needy” than others. I had a dobe who drove me nuts, she was the neediest dog I ever met. I obviously did not take my own advice when I acquired her.

My 2 favorite breeds came to be Bouviers and Akitas because they are both very aloof and independent. They don’t need or crave constant attention. I do now have a dingo mix and she is quite independent as well. Of course I run with my dogs, I bike with my dogs and they are an integral part of my life so perhaps that satisfies their neediness. They do usually follow me from room to room but settle in the new spot without being obtrusive.

And even within pure breeds there are differing personalities.

Anyhow if I were you, I would incorporate them into an active life, long walks or jogs or bike rides. Wear the little suckers out so they are too tired to be needy and clingy.

And remember they are like little kids basically so don’t expect too much. After all they are Bichons (85 bucks for grooming 2 of those hairy little critters is cheap!)

@dappled_leaves That is the first I have ever heard of that comic. It does make me smile knowing that my dogs are not so crazy after all!

Coming late to the party I do not know how old these pooches are but I know there are people I know who will not even walk themselves one quarter mile to a quickie mart on a comfortable day let alone walk a dog in 103 deg heat.

Dogs do take a bit of work, but so do cats. I think anyone who question her commitment or resolve to caring and keeping these animals need to look at the fact she didn’t kick them to the curb; she still has them. To say she is not all in because she don’t take them to training classes, are you all in as a mother because you maybe pawn your kids off to strangers in day care instead of being at home with them? You can counter with what you want but the logic is the same. You don’t think you are short changing your kids by leaving off to work, so how can she be short changing her dogs simply because she don’t go to classes? Millions of dog owners have never been to classes. There are plenty of books she can read.

People have dogs for numerous reasons. Some to get greeted in the morning with a slobberfest. Some have dogs just to walk around with the mutt in a purse, how useful is that? Many tough guys in my neighborhood have pit bulls just to try to look tough. People have dogs for all sorts of reason. So long as you treat your animal correct I guess it is all good.

In short, keeps the dogs.

Try looking at it this way:

“He is my other eyes that can see above the clouds; my other ears that hear above the winds. He is the part of me that can reach out into the sea. He has told me a thousand times over that I am his reason for being; by the way he rests against my leg; by the way he thumps his tail at my smallest smile; by the way he shows his hurt when I leave without taking him. (I think it makes him sick with worry when he is not along to care for me.) When I am wrong, he is delighted to forgive. When I am angry, he clowns to make me smile. When I am happy, he is joy unbounded. When I am a fool, he ignores it. When I succeed, he brags. Without him, I am only another man. With him, I am all-powerful. He is loyalty itself. He has taught me the meaning of devotion. With him, I know a secret comfort and a private peace. He has brought me understanding where before I was ignorant. His head on my knee can heal my human hurts. His presence by my side is protection against my fears of dark and unknown things. He has promised to wait for me… whenever… wherever – in case I need him. And I expect I will – as I always have. He is just my dog.”
– Gene Hill

@Dutchess_III With all due respect “just frowing em outside” is not the answer. Walking a dog isn’t just about the excercise that the dog gets but the interest as well. These dogs are obviously bored.

@SuperMouse how sweet. I do love these dogs. They are six, he just said. He is going for a nap now and they are right behind him. One weighs about 11 lb; the other about 18 or more. If I didn’t love them I’d admit it. I’m not a phony person. But I don’t love them as much as I do, say, my daughter.
@Leanne1986, Dutchess was joking. She has a big heart. I can’t throw them anyway; too heavy! they have 2 doggie doors my s/o installed: one in the powder bath that leads to the porch; then a new one on the porch he installed that leads to the yard. It took him half a day to cut out the hole in the metal door, measure just right then screw the DDoor in.
@Hypocrisy_Central how thoughtful of you. It’s true; we never go anywhere. They are always here with us. A few months ago we did go away for 2 days to close on our house. A neighborhood boy came in and watered them, fed them then made sure they were in bed at 7pm. Other than that we’re home.
I think it’s a good thing to take up a cause. Just because someone is not a Christian doesn’t mean they can’t be animal lovers and someone who tries to make the world a better place. The dogs may be bored, true, like the kids around here who are out from school . My s/o is partly responsible for this because, against neighborhood rules, he lets them out 3 times a week to race down the street , going to the bathroom on other peoples’ yards and at times scaring some of the older people who are simply in their garage or yard. I get so mad when he does this. The dogs always, without exception , come racing home within ten minutes. The traffic here is almost non-existent. He thinks it’s being kind to the dogs but it embarrasses me and probably makes the neighbors resent us.
Life goes on. And it isn’t going to get any better than it is right now. The three of them are now asleep.

@Aster you really love your dogs maybe your feelings are much less about wanting or not wanting them and more about control. Sounds like no one is listening to your rules and maybe you’ve become tired of that and not really the dogs in particular. Maybe you just need more of rules with structure to make you feel better. I wish you well :)

@Aster: You say that you “love” these dogs , ”But they bug me”. You compare them to “whining toddlers” and go on at length about how they annoy you. You get “to breathe” when they go to bed at 7pm but then complain because they pee on the rug. Can you go 10–12 hours without peeing? You don’t want to walk them, you don’t want to train them, you don’t want to play with them. They would not be traumatized if you gave them away, they would take very quickly to a new home. I’ve rescued dogs, they’re very adaptable.
You act like the dogs are some kind of cute accessory, they’re not. They’re living beings, and no, I don’t think you’re cut out for being a dog owner. If you’re not willing to care for them appropriately, give them to someone who will. Your SO behaving irresponsibly with them is not a good testimonial for you guys, either.
Yes, @Dutchess_III, now I’m snarling. Good God, if this were a Q about children half of us would be on the phone to CPS right now!
No, @Aster, you should NOT have dogs!

@JilltheTooth Agreed. A lot of this stuff is common sense.

I guess I shouldn’t. They’re in here now whining for nachos when I just set out 2 bowls of dog food. Note: they do not have to wait to use the bathroom. They have 2 doggie doors and a big yard that they go in daily.
He would never, ever dream of giving them away. It’s out of the question. And I’m glad, really, because I’d miss them and they’d miss us. I know this is true.
You know, I and some of you may not be cut out for what you’re into either but we do trudge along, don’t we? We make the best of situations, regardless, right?
OK: I’m going out on the patio with them now. thanks for sharing your opinions.

@Aster If the dog goes at the same spot on the rug all of the time, it is because that is where the smell is. You and I may not be able to smell it after cleaning it, but they can. You can get a wee wee pad from the pet store and place it just off the ”spot”, then sprinkle pepper there. When they go to “sniff” the spot out, they will get an unpleasant snort. If you dabbled the wee wee pad in the spot before you cleaned it they may find their scent there, and be fooled into using the pad. Once they associate pad with going, you can inch it day by day to the doggie door and out side to the yard.

Your S/O lets the dogs out of the yard to tear around and scare the neighbors? One of them may call the humane society on you and could take your dogs away. Although you say there is not much traffic, it takes only one car to kill your dogs. This is the worst thing you could do. Responsible dog owners would never put their dogs at risk.

@Aster yes we do trudge along. Trust me my situation seems to suck more when I’m out on my daily walk and someone says “wow, 2 big dogs thats a lot to handle.”
But every so often I get compliments. One which really affected me was a lady I saw once she must have seen us on our regular walk but I had no previous knowledge of her. She said, “Your dogs are very lucky you are very dedicated to them.”

Sounds like you get it. You know what to do. Maybe you just having a bit of a tough time is all.

Try not to get so agitated by them, love them for their personalities.

@Meego you are an amazingly sweet person. I’m so impressed with your empathy and kindness.

@Aster :) TY. I’m not hiding I’m truly that kind of person 95% of the time. And I truly like to give people the benefit of the doubt. Life is hard. It sucks. Not every one is always roses. I have had a hard life. I know that side. You can thank my husband he really taught me why I should be like that. He was the most amazing guy not just my husband but my best friend. I’ve been blessed.
But we are not really here for me. It’s your question. And my answer is we do trudge along just try to find the parts you do enjoy, focusing on the lesser makes the bad stuff go on forever, try to ignore it and then forget and forgive or it will continue to eat you up inside.

@JilltheTooth The point is she already HAS the dogs! Whether she should or shouldn’t have them is beside the point. She has them and I think she’s asking for a little help. Snarling at her because of water under the bridge is pointless. All of us have made decisions in the past that got us in over our head. Now, if, in 5 years, she says her bichons have died and she’s going to get a couple more….I’ll be right there with you, getting my bitchon (ha!) snarling BEFORE she does!

Oh, and I’m sure all of us have felt that way about our kids at times. When they got old enough I just frew them outside!

@Dutchess_III : See this, I answered it. And the dogs are not surgically attached to her. I mentioned before that she could contact a rescue group. Just because she already has them does not mean she should keep them. It is NOT OK to continue with that irresponsible behavior when it concerns living creatures, especially when there are options. And no, I never felt that way about my kid, or my dogs either. I recognized my responsibilities and stepped up.

Your kids never got on your nerves once in a while @JilltheTooth ? Never, ever, ever??
OK, I realize that from what @Aster is saying, the dogs get on her nerves ALL the time, and yes. As a parent, that would be a real problem. But since we’re talking about dogs, and not kids, re-homing them IS an option. Except they’re 4 years old already. I really don’t know what to tell her, though, because I’m not in her shoes. I don’t know the dynamics of the whole family. Four is a bit old for re-homing, but I guess I might seriously consider it if I was upset enough. I don’t know. I certainly can’t pass judgement.

Hey Aster…lets back up a bit. What do you like about the dogs. Let’s go from there…

@Aster I think the question should be, are you willing to change your ways in order to give these dogs a better quality of life? So far you have said (here and in other posts) that you don’t walk them nearly as much as you should, you are not interested in training classes, you don’t have much patience and you haven’t done any research up to this point. You have aslo said in the past that they get fed food meant for humans (club sandwiches etc if I remember rightly). If you are willing to change all that, give them the exercise they need, train them more effectively (whether you go to training classes or not you can still seek proffessional advice) and do some proper research into their needs regardless of whether it “sounds like fun” then you should keep them. If you are not willing to do these things then you are definitely not cut out for dog ownership and rehoming them would be kinder.

Oh I just thought of something, if you really don’t or can’t take them for walks why not think about a pro dog walker a few times a week? Im not too sure of what the price is or if you have the extra money. Maybe instead of taking them to the beauty salon cut their hair yourself (my mom used to do that with our papillion) and then use that money that you’ll save for a dog walker. Just a suggestion.

@Aster is no longer with us.

Well, maybe she’s just lurking on the Q, now, not adding.

interesting. she was gone. I swear. It’s too early for me to be drinking. ;)

She’s here @jonsblond….

OK, who’s messin’ with the blond? That’s just mean. She’s blond, she can’t help it! ;-P