What would you have done in this somewhat awkward situation?
This weekend, as some of you know, I attended my first ever Star Trek convention. It was beyond awesome, but that’s a story for another question. Since I was a “preferred” member meaning I paid a buttload more for my ticket than other people I had an assigned seat close to the front of the auditorium so I could be closer to the action and so I could get autographs sooner. I made friends with the guys sitting next to me, in seats L14 and L15 I was sitting in L13.
When I was going to leave, I commented to one of these guys that it was far different from a gaming convention in that not only were there nearly as many women there as men, but also in that I did not get hit on once. In response, this guy said, “Well, I know you said no one hit on you, but I had a lot of fun this weekend and if your relationship situation changes, give me a call.”
A few pertinent facts:
1. I am 22.
2. He is 33.
3. I have a boyfriend of almost 3 years.
4. He has a girlfriend of over a year.
5. These are all known by both of us.
When he said that to me, I plastered a stupid smile on my face and said that I hoped his relationship status didn’t change and his response was, “Well…”
So, I am curious, what would my fellow Jellies have done in this situation?
Just so it’s clear, I’m not really looking for advice. He’s texted me once since and I didn’t respond. I’m just curious about how others have/would handle this kind of thing.
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34 Answers
I’d probably just kind of laugh it off, unless I felt legitimately attracted, then I’d laugh it off but tuck the piece of info (that s/he is interested) into the back of my brain. May come in handy later, doesn’t mean I have to act on it or even that I want to, but you know..
I hope I’d have said something like “Why, thanks! That remark is going to be one of my fun memories from this weekend.”
My delivery would make it clear that a memory is all it’s going to be.
@MissAnthrope: He’s a chubby, 33-year-old with little regard for the girlfriend he has when a young piece of meat is dangled in front of him. Not attractive to me. I really hate the idea of someone leaving an SO for someone else. As Ann Landers used to say, “If he does it for you, he’ll do it to you.”
@KatawaGrey – No, I’m with you completely. I don’t trust those who are casting around for someone else while still in a relationship. If they’re doing it to the one person, they’re probably going to do it to me. Yep, yep. In that case, I’d kind of laugh it off and be like ‘thanks’, but very noncommittally and disinterestedly.
Ugh. I’m no good at poker face so I’m sure he would have read the Glare of Death and we would have both stood silent for an instant and then made some fumbly moves to get away from each other.
“Damn, you broke my winning streak.” Then, scowly face.
He might have thought you were giving him a hint to make a comment like that. Even though you weren’t.
Or you could politely say no thanks and that things are going strong with you and the boyfriend.
ugh! I’m embarrassed for my gender.
...After you’d made it clear you appreciated not getting hit on and all, gee whiz, what a louse.
Something like “Thanks for telling me, .. does she <girlfriend> know how you feel ?”
With an ironic grin on my face, I’d have said: “yeah, because nothing says ‘keeper’ like a guy looking to cheat.” That or something like @Haleth said. Maybe, “awww… and you were doing so well!” This was ridiculously idiotic on any number of levels.
Why on earth did you give him your real number/email?
You should have punched him in the throat, shouted “YOU WILL NOT FLIRT WITH ME YOU GELATINOUS MASS OF IMPROPRIETY AND BASEMENT DWELLING AWKWARDNESS,” stolen his wallet, and left.
@SavoirFaire ..that’s what I really meant! ”“yeah, because nothing says ‘keeper’ like a guy looking to cheat.”
@worriedguy: We exchanged numbers before this incident so we could let each other know when events were starting or when one of the guests was close. I frantically texted him “Nichelle Nichols is in the bathroom with me!” Which was awesome, btw.
I would also like to point out that if there had been any hint that he was going to do something like this, I definitely would not have given him my number.
You were in lucky seat 13? Cool.
I don’t know what was said in the text, I would go off that first. If I were happily attached in my current relationship, I would have told him that I don’t believe there will be any change in my situation but he is always free to imagine, and pretty much leave it at that.
Well, I don’t know, was he cute?
I don’t know.
I would have rubbed it in his face like: “I just said I was glad I didn’t get hit on, not cool dude, not cool at all.”
Response moderated (Writing Standards)
“I’m, um, flattered and all… but you’re just a tad too old for me.”
Actually, what I’d have really said was “I don’t see that happening, but thanks anyway.”
I probably would have laughed and said, “Um sure, ok well nice meeting you. Bye.”
If he continued to email me later on, I’d politely tell him I’m not interested.
I am certain I wouldn’t have given him my phone number beforehand. If anything, I’d give him the email I use for spammy stuff.
I’m thinking @SavoirFaire wins on that one: “yeah, because nothing says ‘keeper’ like a guy looking to cheat.” still chuckling!
Well, having attended a few cons myself, I’ve got to say that I wouldn’t give my number to anyone. But if I were in your situation, I probably would have given him a sarcastic “okay” and left it at that, and not responded to his texts or calls afterward. If the texts persisted enough to get annoying, I’d have to tell him something like “It was cool hanging out with you the other day, but I’m not really interested in anything else”.
Have an affair. A little secret excitement! ;)
@Seelix: I haven’t actually gotten any more texts or anything from him, which is fine, because I wouldn’t respond. In truth, I don’t see the harm in exchanging numbers with someone in that situation especially since there was zero indication of interest until literally moments before we parted ways. It makes sense for me to have one or two contacts so that we can let each other know when events start or when the group is going to get lunch or something like that.
@pshizzle: Seriously dude? Did you even read the question or any of the responses following?
@KatawaGrey – I hear ya. It’s not a stupid or unsafe thing to have done, just not something I would have done. :)
@Seelix: I didn’t mean to sound snappish. It’s just one of those things where if this didn’t happen, no one would be telling me it was a bad idea to give him my number. Sorry!
Also, just curious about how you lot would feel about this. Would you tell the girlfriend? I’m not going to, but since I am friends with this guys on facebook, I have limited access to his gf’s account and were a meddler, I might be tempted. Trust me though, I am far too lazy to get involved in someone else’s relationship drama.
@KatawaGrey Tell her what, “hey, your bf hit on me and it seemed like he was considering dumping you”? That’d get you nothing but drama.
@bob_: The vibe I got was not necessarily dumping her in favor of me, but…ahem… dating us both.
@KatawaGrey Oh. Well, that’s different… but still… there are so many psychos out there, why risk getting into it?
@bob_: Exactly! I’ve got my own psycho, I don’t need any more! I guess if I count myself, I’ve got two psychos…
I wouldn’t tell the girlfriend, unless she were a close friend of mine.
@KatawaGrey You attended a Star Trek convention!? Boy are you so followed right this sec! : )
I wouldn’t tell the girlfriend. If he really is a slimy guy (and we don’t know that he is – he could have been simply trying to say something along the lines of “You’re a cool girl, I had fun talking to you today, and by the way, you’re cute too”), she’ll find out eventually.
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