How would you feel if your ex dated your friend?

Huge violation of Man Law.

Among my male friends, we have an agreement that none of us will ever date the girlfriend/ex girlfriend/crush/former crush of any of us unless said person gives express permission. Violations result in an epic ass beating or a stern chewing-out at least.

A friend of mine tried to fuck a girl I used to like when we were visiting her for a weekend. Needless to say, I was incredibly hurt and I promptly reminded him that this is bad ju ju.

I did date a friend’s ex and although I seriously like him and we were together for a long time, it was the wrong decision to take. Even if you are comlpetely over your ex, it brings up resentment and bad blood. You will feel betrayed and its very normal. The relationship you have with an SO is sacred as is your relationship with a close friend. And when you break up, you assume your friend is on your side trying t help you get over them etc. If they hook up I guess you feel your friend’s loyalty lies somewhere else.

Wrong!

Yeah I pretty much feel the same way both of you do.

Ehh. This is one of those things that ought to be okay, but it never feels that way. I just have a personal rule not to date my friend’s exes and vice versa. It just seems disrespectful, unless it is extremely clear that your friend is genuinely comfortable with it. There is always the potential for hurt feelings.

Well it will depend on how much this ex means to me, but I expect my friend to be frank with me about it and not try to hide it from me or else I’ll just put her on my ex list and try to find someone else worthy enough of my friendship and trust.

It’s all good . If they manage to keep a relation then I’d even encourage them .

It may sound awkward for others but I’m not that jealous .

I have never dated a friend’s ex.I never wanted to either.It is just a thing that would have been off-limits and it always seemed a bit desperate to do so.There are so many people out there to date,why look to your friends to supply you with them,ya know?
;)

I would probably never date the serious X g/f of a close friend. Huge Faux pas in my book.

My best friend hooked up with a major X of mine, and dated a girl I was really into and had dated for a short while….. and it nearly ended our friendship.

Former hook ups or short term flings are open game upon receiving permission from the friend (imo). Major x g/f’s are a complete no go.

If the relationship ended on amicable terms and enough healing time had passed, I wouldn’t have a problem with it. A friend started dating an ex-boyfriend, and I had no qualms accepting an invitation to their wedding.

There was a guy at work who had a creepy modus operandi when it came to dating. He would be in a relationship with a co-worker for two years, then take up with another co-worker before breaking off the first one. This went on with five co-workers. One time, I attended a meeting, and realized that three of these women, plus the guy, were all in the same meeting.

One of those women was a good friend. She had a roommate who used to work for the company, but left for another job. The roommate eventually moved out. After Romeo broke up with her, she later found out that he was dating her old roommate, and had been doing so while they were still together. Gee…talk about office drama.

I dated one of my ex’s friend…she set us up even.

It depends how much time has passed. If any of my friends dated any of my exes it would be fine at this point, because I have been married for 18 years. But, when they go from you, directly to one of your friends, it hurts usually. Even when it is not a friend, usually when you find out your ex is dating someone new it stings.

None of my friends are dumb enough to. I’ve confided in them about what douches my ex’s were/are. They’ve learned from my mistakes.

My best friend and I traded boyfriends all of the time in high school. However, that was in school, HIGH SCHOOL! I don’t think it’s appropriate now. I’m sorry if that sounds harsh. I think, though, that I’d feel hurt, betrayed.

I wouldn’t really do it.

But if my ex was somebody that I didn’t have a bad breakup with or we just decided things weren’t right between us, I’d be happy to let my friend try him out. I have a huge jealousy problem, but in the end, I’d just deal with it.

This has happened to me before and it ended up being perfectly fine.

In my circle of friends, we’ve never done it in the vein of preserving really good relationships but then again, none of us (that I know of) has been so tempted. I have one ex in particular that I wouldn’t mind to see date any of my friends but that’s because he’s my best friend.

If he’s an ex, he’s an ex for a reason. If someone wants to be with an ex of mine, why should I mind, especially if they know WHY we broke up. I welcomed my ex-husband’s new gf into my house with open arms because I was glad for him and knew she was a better match and since I broke up with him, I had no issues about it. I also don’t get why you think a person is ‘sloppy seconds’ to anyone. They’re just dating someone after you, the fact that ‘you came first’ is pointless, don’t you think? I mean people just say that because they’re hurt and pissed off, which you are but it doesn’t make any damn sense, in reality.

@xStarlightx I’m so sorry this has happened to you honey. To me it is crossing a huge line. This friend isn’t a friend, she hasn’t considered your feelings in the least. You have every right to feel whatever you are feeling sweetheart, and don’t let anyone telll you that you’re haven’t. They’re not about to break it off to save your feelings (they wouldn’t have gotten together to begin with if that was the case?) you just have to try to put them both out of your mind. Easier said than done I know, but they’re not worth another seconds thought either of them. You however are. Find something to distract yourself, try something you’ve always wanted to do but never gotten around to, have fun! You never know maybe your real other half might be there waiting to be met? Sending hugs honey, xx

If she did not ask you first, it is a huge violation of your friendship. Friends are expected to guard your feeling above their own wants. Not only is it unkind, it also says something about her regard for you. You would be be perfectly justified in avoiding her in the future, or trying to have a talk with her (If you think your friendship with this person is worth it.)

I have had it happen to me twice, once with a good friend, and once with an acquaintence. It sucked pretty bad both times. I would never do that to a friend. There are literally millions of other people in the world.

I could just not understand, especially with the good friend, how she couldn’t see how this might hurt me. I still had feelings for the fellow, because he is the one that broke up with me. He didn’t leave me for her but she knew how I felt about him. She was very popular and could literally have any guy she wanted, but she just didn’t think and went out with him anyway. She ultimately broke it off with the guy, because there were bout 10 other guys waiting in line to date her. But by then, the damage had already been done.

The acquaintence, and my boyfriend, literally went off behind my back and hooked up. I was not even given the courtesy of being broken up with first. They just showed up one day, hand in hand. I was mortified and heartbroken at the same time. I just wish people, both male and female would give more than a second of thought about how it might feel to the rejected person, and just not go down that road and choose someone else. None of these people ended up together in the long run, but the memory of the pain is always there, way in the back of my brain.

<hugs @Kardamom> their loss honey, and you are so much better off without toxin like that in your life, you are too lovely a person to be hurt like that <hugs dear @Kardamom more> xx

Thanks so much @bunnygrl ! You are so sweet. One of the reasons that I like to come on fluther is that you get lots and lots of support. And I also like to come on to help other people to avoid some of the yucky relationship problems that I’ve dealt with. : )

And yes, it is their loss!

Generally, I think I’d feel betrayed.. Depends on how close I am to my friend though. Depends on a lot of things, like if I was actually committed to the relationship or not. Still, there’d be more sour feelings. I wouldn’t go there myself.

WIth one exception, I’d feel bad for the friend. ~

In all seriousness, though, it has been too long for me to muster any jealousy over women from my past. I’ve been with my wife for nearly ten years. My first girlfriend is married and has a two-year-old. I think it’s safe to say we’ve moved on.

:-) <throws mountains more hugs for @Kardamom> xx

My last ex, if I found out he was dating one of my friends I would kick the shit out of him. Not out of my friend but out of him…he is a manipulative f**k and takes pleasure in seeing me hurt. Urgh. In fact I would just wish her luck and move on with my life leaving her a warning of whats to come.

She did. I asked her what he has that I haven’t got. She tells me he’s buff, he’s handsome, he looks hot with his shirt off, blah blah. I told her ok, I withdraw the question. Then she told me how much money he has, but I told her to hold on, I’d call her back when I find what I’m looking for. She asked what that is, I told her I just dropped my last dime.