NSFW - Any funny anecdotes, tips or caveats on lovemaking you could share so we could learn from it?
Too excited and too lazy to write anything here, sorry. : )
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When in doubt, find the G spot.
It’ll make your life a bit easier.
Do not light candles on rattan shelves next to sheer curtains.
Adds a whole new meaning to “C’mon baby light my fire.”
@Coloma Sounds like you learned from personal experience! :P
@KatetheGreat it’s in such a weird place that it’s difficult to show people where it is and it’s difficult to verbalize to people where it is. If I only had a plastic, see-thru model, so I could put my finger right on that spot and show everybody.
If you and your fella are using the missionary position, it is very unlikely that you will accidentally happen upon it
Incidentally, one of my friends (just friends, not a boyfriend or even potential boyfriend) was giving me a neck rub one day and he accidentally happened upon another G spot on the back of my neck that I didn’t even know I had. I didn’t even know there were other places like that other than “down there.” When he hit that spot, I literally jumped up and shouted, “What the hell did you just do!?” I think it surprised him more than it surpised me.
@KatetheGreat
We were smokin’ hot! haha
Caught the shelf AND the curtains on fire both!
I used to get pretty bad leg/foot cramps, and the only cure was to stand up immediately to put some weight on it. Nothing less sexy than having a good ‘ol time, then out of nowhere “oh no…move! MOVE!”
@Kardamom It seems like it’s a hard concept for some men to get. But holy hell, when a guy does find it, I melt :)
@Coloma How lovely! I would have died laughing!
Fanny farts…....eeewwwwwww
the most amazing sound we have the pleasure of creating following shagging, especially doggy style. The greatest thing is you can learn to do them solo when standing on your head. Far from being an insult, fanny farts are our fanny’s way of saying thanks for a great shag, it shows they have a world of their own and they just want to be appreciated!!
Yes G spots are the 8th wonder of the female world.
Also, Handy tip for Astro glides 101 miracle uses around the house.
You can use Astroglide to lube lizards stuck in flower pot holes. Pops ‘em right out it does! haha
You can use Astroglide to lube lizards stuck in flower pot holes.
Have I told you lately that I lurve you, @Coloma. I mean really… you are the only person on earth who would use astroglide to free a lizard from a terra cotta prison, and I adore you for that.
@Fiddle_Playing_Creole_Bastard
Awww…well, I didn’t give the lizard a bath, it ran away a sticky lizard.
Now THAT could be a new ‘pet’ name for the reptile in your pants. hahahaha ;-D
ROFLMAO! I’m gonna use “sticky lizard” in front of my hubby tonight and watch his reaction, hehehe! That’s too freakin hilarious!
Do not, under any circumstances, EVER ask your partner, “Who’s your daddy?” unless you’re prepared for some hardcore teasing. That one backfired on my husband one evening…
Ladies, keep the toenails trimmed short. Somehow I caught a toe in the left eye and made the white of my eye blood red for a week.
Next day at work it was noticed right away. First guy that saw me asked “ole lady’s toe in your eye?” Red faced I confessed yes. That was my new name for at least a week. “Here comes ole toe in the eye”
My best tip? Find the right partner.
@Coloma LOL. At that time with my wife she was trying not to laugh at the idea she was with Popeye. I was trying to not be distracted,but damn
If she can put up with the “accidental” one eyed pirate, she can probably put up with just about anything.
@woodcutter That was very astute of the co-worker to quickly guess what happened exactly. That says a lot about the frequency of ol’ toe in the eye mishaps, so thanks, that was quite a good tip.
@mazingerz88 Yes that shocked me that they figured it out ,on the first guess, like it was a common mishap. Gives a whole new meaning to careful you can put an eye out with that.
@King_Pariah After being with me for 29 years she has become pretty resilient.
@woodcutter Wow! That many one eyed pirates? Where did you find a lady like that?
Oh, funny bedtime story….
Last year I came home one evening and my walls were humming. I was completely freaked out. Thought something was going on with the wiring in my walls. I was about 10 seconds away from calling the neighbor man to check it out, when, I traced the ‘humming’ to the inside wall of my closet and…lo and behold, somehow one of my ‘toys’ had turned itself on, pun intended and had burrowed down through my undies to the bare wood of the dresser drawer! To this day I have no idea what happened!
All I could think of was it must have activated when I slammed the drawer closed earlier. lol
Thank God I didn’t call my neighbor I’d have been so humiliated! haha
@Coloma I have a similar story.
One day, I was babysitting my niece and trying to keep her occupied. She was bouncing around my room like a 3 year old on Red Bull. She started to dig through one of my drawers and being the irresponsible babysitter that I am, I walked out for a minute. All of a sudden, I started hearing the loudest buzzing noise. She had turned it on by accident. The worst part is, she investigated even further, picked it up, and started running around my house with it.
Then her mom walked in and saw the calamity. I don’t think she was very happy.
@Coloma Soooooo many double entendres in that last one
Having sex on a beach may look fun in movies, but having sand on your dick or in your vagina is not fun, at all.
Hot sauce does not mix well with sex. If you must eat the spiciest finger food in the world, scrub your hands vigorously before engaging in sexual activity. I can not begin to describe the negative sensation that it causes down there.
@PluckyDog Got it, Red Hot Chili Peppa on da finga is a no no. Good one, thanks! : )
I just realized, the one thing that could be worse than ol’ toe in the eye is ol’ toe with chili on the eye. It will be Ow! followed shortly by What the, owwwww!!
Never under any circumstances stick your dick through a Bangkok glory hole!
Let’s just say the goat’s beard tickles ya gonads…..not in a good way either :¬(
Just from my experience,women like varied speeeds. You cant just go slow or just go fast.
Finding the G-spot on a woman who hadn’t even known what it was, where it was or what it would do made me God for a week and a half.
I’ve also told the story here before about the time when we were grocery shopping and she had an auto-orgasm in the dairy aisle at Waldbaum’s supermarket in West Hartford. (Thank the gods we don’t shop there often – and they’ve changed its name.) I honestly don’t know what part I played in that. We had been talking about sex in the car, so I knew she was primed, but we had walked through half the store together, half-filling a shopping cart. Then I caught up to her in Dairy, and all I recall is touching her arm lightly and speaking softly to her – not about sex, probably about “Do we need sour cream?” She started to shudder, and then she leaned – heavily! – into me and closed her eyes. I sort of knew what she was doing – we had been together for awhile at this point – but to this day I don’t know why she did. I literally had to hold her upright, and people were giving us a wide berth and giving us the ol’ fisheye. It might have been only ten or twenty seconds later, but it felt like five minutes, she opened her eyes and started to stagger away towards the exit. She did the same thing again halfway across the parking lot.
@WasCy What the?! Perfect for a Red Shoe Diary scene! Lol.
Oh the things you learn from Fluther, and all the while I thought the G-spot is just inside the vaj!
Never assume that the air duct system doesn’t fixing in cheap downtown hotels. On rare occasions workmen might be crawling through them with flashlights, exclaiming: “Oh, excuse me.” Before heading the other way.
Happened to us in San Antonio, TX when we were students.
@mattbrowne My God! Lol. I read your post thrice trying to understand its metaphorical connection on the sex act that @WasCy just posted. Only to realize you were really describing this cheap hotel scene for what it is! : )
@WasCy You are a god most definitely. Wow.
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