Your friend owes you five bucks. What do you do about it?

“Oh man, I think I forgot my wallet. Can you cover me and we’ll call it even from last time?”

This is if you want something subtle. In most cases, I’d just remind the person in a low-pressure way.

“How about that five bucks you owe me?”

These days? I’d ask for the money.

Circle of life. I wouldn’t care unless it was constant occurrence. But I have a pretty tight group of friends and I know they have and will help me out when I need it.

For what it’s worth, this is a real question, not asking for advice. I cannot imagine ever giving a shit if someone owed me five bucks.

I don’t mention it again, but probably will not pick up the tab again.

To me, it’s not about the amount…it’s the principle of the thing.

I’d cover the bill, no problem. But if you insist it’s a loan, I expect to be paid.

Either that or it’ll be the last loan you get from me.

Is your friendship worth $5 to you?

If it were me, I would forget it.

I’m with @SABOTEUR

It shows a lack of conscientiousness, integrity, on behalf of the friend.

I NEVER forget if I borrow something from somebody, and nobody has to ever ask me to return a borrowed item. I don’t borrow money, ever.

This is one of my huge pet peeves, if I have to chase someone down to return something they have borrowed, they won’t be a friend for long.

People don’t ‘forget’, they play games.

Once, years ago I lent a really nice baking dish to a friend and the next time I was at their house they were feeding their dog in it! Amazing!

I don’t have the kind of friends who forget debts that they owe me. They’re the kind of friends who tend to forget debts that might be owed to them, whether they do that “absent-mindedly-on-purpose” (as I try to do, also) or not.

So if it should happen that I would treat one to a lunch or dinner (they also tend not to run out of cash at inopportune times, either, so this is pretty hypothetical), then they would treat me to a better one in no time at all.

Oprah once said, “Never lend anyone money if you expect to see it given back. Don’t lend, just give it…if you can’t give it outright, then don’t do it.” I think she said this because of situations just like yours, where money ends up coming between people even when it’s not a large amount.

I agree that what was done was not a very nice thing at all. I would probably just say, the next time “going out to grab a bite” comes up….“Great! Your turn to pick up the tab….cause I did last time, remember? And you didn’t pay me back!” And I would pretend I was upset first (hands on hips) and then laugh about it. If that doesn’t do it…then I would let it drop, never pick up the tab again and chalk it up to a good lesson learned about a friend.

No good friendship should be tanked for a fiver. Just make sure everyone has money the next time you go out. “Want to grab some food? Does everyone have enough to go out? I’ve got enough for myself…but not any more than that. If not, let’s just call it a night.”

It’s too bad this happened, @nikipedia… I do understand how difficult it must be for you. Not a great spot to be in at all.

Knee cap them. That’ll show em.

“Smoker’s Dilemma”...

…friends or associates who “borrow” cigarettes. Never seem to have their own pack. And when they do, never find their way back to return what they’ve borrowed.

Funny…since I switched to electronic cigs, I don’t see those people anymore.

Probably never bring it up again. In fact, it has happened many times before. If I loan you $5, consider it a gift.

Today? Like, right this very moment? I probably owe you $5.

I’d follow @johnpowell‘s approach. Once, happens to everybody. Often, you’re being taken for a piggybank.

”[...] lack of conscientiousness, integrity, on behalf of the friend”? Hot damn, @Coloma means business.

Funny… I find myself constantly out of $5’s… * gives @ANef_is_Enuf the look *

@bob_

Well, it’s true..haha

I can’t be the only one with a memory. lol

@DarlingRhadamanthus I’m with Oprah, just give it to them, if you feel like it, and don’t expect it back. Goes double for relatives, just give to them, or not.
On the other hand if there is repeating behavior I’ll tend toward @SABOTEUR‘s approach and one way or another call the other person out.

@bob_ I can pay you back in dust? That’s all that I have in my wallet these days.

@ANef_is_Enuf Dust? Um, yeah, I think it’s best we let that circle of life thing sort it.

If you need the money, ask for it back.
If this isn’t the first time this happened and you are constantly being the bank for this person, ask for it back.
If it is a first, you don’t need the money and you care and respect this person and think it was an oversight…forget it.

@Only138 lmao XD

For that small amount, I’d forget about it. My roomie always does this to me though. Borrows small amounts, says she’ll pay back, but never does. Or asks for food or drinks, says she’ll buy it back, but alas. I’ve been keeping my gob shut so far, but it’s beginning to piss me off lol.

I believe I shall be forced to knee cap her ass lol.

I won’t bring it up. I also won’t have friendly feelings toward my friend after an unpaid loan. It makes me feel that they are not the sort of person I would want to be friends with.

I use little things like this to decide whether someone is a good friend or not. If I’m kind to someone, I expect kindness in return.

I agree with @athenasgriffin as well.

Reciprocity should not have to be asked for in good relationships. The balance is just there and never needs addressing, because it’s balanced enough to not be obviously unbalanced.

@Symbeline Hell yeah! Knee cap her ass and she’ll think twice about it. Betta Recco-nize. LOL

I do this until they pay….30 seconds max!

$5 once? I’d forget about. Small amounts over time? I’d bring it up.

Despite how I may sound here, it’s not my nature to chase after a loan. I didn’t chase after you to loan it to you, I shouldn’t have to chase after you to get it back, More often than not, if I have it to spare, it’s yours.

I’ll probably forget about it anyway.

Two things stand out for me, though. You make a big production about paying me back. OK…I get it. You’ll pay me back. So…where’s my money?.

Two…I begin to recognize a pattern. You’re always “a little short right now”...you left your wallet in the car…you forgot about a bill you had to pay. Bear in mind, I haven’t asked you to repay me yet, but the minute you see me I hear an excuse.

Now I see you’re taking advantage of me.

I’ll never loan you money again.

I agree with @SABOTEUR‘s policy. I usually don’t mind spotting someone, and I don’t lend more than I can afford to lose. But if for some reason an explicit loan is made, I’m not going to give another loan to that person until the first is repaid.

Put my foot down and letthem starve or pay up the nest time. Even though it’ll hurt, you gotta do it.

It depends how tight everyone is for money. For me at this point in my life, just $5 I would let it slide, but not be likely to lend money to that person again. If I was really tight on money, and the friend knows it, I would ask for the money back.

I think though, in the situation described in the original post, it is possible the friend does not think they owe the $5. Rather that you just picked up the tab, and they throw around, “I’ll pay you back,” as a nicety, like, “I’ll call you later,” and never get around to it.

@JLeslie You bring up my other pet peeve…people using speech casually.

The “You Know What I Meant” people.

Say what you mean.
Mean what you say.

@SABOTEUR It does cause a lot of miscommunication. It works ok when both people in the situation “speak the same language.” My husband and I have a minor problem at times with things like this. He is way more literal than I am, he is more like you.

With most of my friends I see regularly, we just buy each other stuff and don’t worry about it. One friend and I joke that one of us probably owed the other around $100 but we’re not sure who. My instinct is to forget it since I assume it’ll come back around, but above a certain dollar amount I’ll ask for the money back directly.

@JLeslie (smiling) I think it’s a man thing. My wife says I take things too literally.

The truth is, I’m lazy.

I don’t want to work at interpreting what you say, “reading between the lines” or assuming I know what you meant.

We have more than enough words in the English language for you to say exactly what you mean.

And it makes things a whole lot less confusing.

@SABOTEUR

I don’t think it’s even gender specific. I’m a woman and I am EXTREMELY articulate, and the words someone speaks are THE words I hear and the words I expect follow through on. Us articulate types are sticklers for “say what you mean and mean what you say.” ;-)

My boss drives me crazy, he is ‘one of those’ types that will say ” WE” blah, blah, blah, then, when I pin him down on who “WE” are, he changes it to just himself. Gah! lol

@Coloma Glad I’m not the only one here.
Doesn’t make one very popular in social forums though. Especially if you articulate unpopular points of view.

The next time I was out with him, I would suggest he pick up the tab saying “remember the tacos the other day,” with a wink. I would NOT make a big issue over five bucks.

If it didn’t happen all the time, it wouldn’t bother me and I wouldn’t bring it up. If someone were in the habit of doing this, I’d most likely quit eating out with them. If they ask why I now avoid them, I’d engage them in a polite conversation about it.

I’d let it go. I’d never mention it. Who knows how many times someone may have shown me the same kindness? I try to be careful to the penny about repaying those little unexpected debts at the very next opportunity, but I can’t believe I’ve lived this long without messing up.

If it became a pattern for someone, I’d simply keep myself out of the victim position one way or another.

It wouldn’t even cross my mind to ask for it. With most of my friends, we do this kind of thing for each other without even keeping tabs.

As others have said, if it was a constant pattern, I’d stop doing it.

It isn’t the $5:00 it is the principle of the thing but what is the principle? It could be the principle that friends help each other out and you shouldn’t expect the money back. Alternatively, and this is the way I would look at it, if you had lent me the money I would have made sure I paid you back and I expect you to do the same. I feel you have shown me disrespect by forgetting about the loan.

I have noticed that this situation arises time and time again in Judge Judy where one party, usually a woman, lends money to a partner who then considers it a gift and doesn’t pay it back. The judge is uncompromising in these cases and demands that the money be repaid.

@flutherother

The principle is…
...say what you mean, mean what you say.

You need five bucks, fine.
You can have five dollars.
It’s too insignificant a sum to get worked up over.

But, if you say you’ll pay it back, pay it back.

Why make an effort to say anything you don’t really mean?
A person is only is only as good as their word.
If your word means nothing, you’re not worthy of my trust.

I would let $5 go and hopefully (not guaranteed) when I was short they would give me $5 and we’d call it even.

Yay @SABOTEUR and @Coloma : Say what you mean !!

I don’t think it’s gender specific inherently, but I think more men have been in situations where the correct communication is vital and sloppy communication is potentially life-threatening. [ police, fire, war, auto mechanics ] and they come away from that with an appreciation for the effectiveness of precise, well-considered words—and what a waste of time ambiguous language is unless maybe you’re a poet where that kind of thing is a power tool.

Those of you saying you do it with your friends all the time. They pick up the tab sometimes, you do others, isn’t that a different thing though? This is why I wonder if there was a misunderstanding or miscommunication between the OP and her friend. If I were in the situation, and my girlfriend Lisa say, was short on cash, I would pay for her. I would say something like, “I’ll get it this time,” or, “it’s my treat.” so it is understood no one owes anyone. Although, maybe there is some sort of unwritten rule that eventually she will treat me in the future, or at least not be letting me pay for her over and over again. But, it seems there was an agreement in this situation that the $5 would be paid back.

When I lived in MD, MI, NY, and FL, people were much loser about these things. One persn would buy, then the other next time, or a check would come and we split it looking at the price of each meal, but not worrying to the penny at all on who exactly ordered what and how much. When I lived in NC everyone always got separate checks. If not separate, they really hammered out the correct amount each person was supposed to pay. I just think people cam be very different regarding this sort of thing.

@JLeslie You’re right it’s different in long term relationships. A lot of people are comfortable with the notion that it evens out in the long run, and you cover each other’s back.
But usually the communication reflects that, instead of “borrow” happening there will be mention of “catching up next time” or some expression of gratitude for the present gesture of generosity and a commitment to reciprocate. No official “borrowing”/loan necessary.

With my friends and me, it usually goes like this:

“Why don’t we just split the tab?”
“My entree cost more than yours, so I should put in an extra five.”
“Okay, that’s close enough.”

Once in a great while it goes like this:

“I make that $27 each.”
“Okay. —Uh-oh, I’m a few dollars short. Shouldn’t have had that fruit cup.”
“Never mind, I’ll cover it.”
“Thanks. I’ll return it next time I see you.” And we do.

If someone’s treating—“My treat. Celebrating your recovery.” “Thanks!”—it’s a treat and not a loan, and not because anyone is short of cash.

@dabbler Even if it is a new relationship, or not necessarily likely I will have lunch again, I might just go ahead and pay more than my share if for some reason it seems like the right thing at the time. People do it for me sometimes it evens out over time, even if it is not with the same person. Almost like a pay it forward. Maybe partly because I am a woman, so at times men, especially if they are from a generation that always paid for women, just go ahead amd pay. But, I have had times where someone treats my husband and I just because he invited us along for dinner, and he treated everyone at the table. But, that is kind of a different than thing than what we are talking about I guess. Some of it has to do with how much money everyone has, which I mentioned above. The paying is much more haphazard when everyone has sufficient discretionary income.

Sort of related in the pay it forward idea, several times in my life, back in the day, people on the street have given me a quarter because I needed to make a call and could not break my dollar for me. I remember once my dad just pulling a token out of his pocket and helping a women who could not get through the turnstyle in the subway. She had tried to pay and something was not working, it was crowded she was in a rush, so we just helped her. One time I gave a quarter to a women who was waiting in the emergency room, I was there waiting on a friend who was sick. Anyway, this woman whom Ido not know, her 2 year old was hungry and she didn’t have the money for the vending machine. I gave her a quarter, and she could not believe I gave her money. Just a quarter, the poor toddler was hungry and had behaved well for a couple of hours already in the waiting room. I’m thinking she might do something similar for someone one day.

So, $5 here and there I don’t fret about for kind of the same reasons. It seems to come back eventually.

For what it’s worth, the situation was:

Person A did not have cash in what turned out to be a cash-only situation.
Person B offered to spot her, and told her the exact amount that it cost.
Person A thanked her friend, and said she would pay her back as soon as she had cash on her. This person legitimately forgot about the small amount, as many significant life events were going on simultaneously.

This situation had never occurred before, and was unlikely to happen again.

And…did person B then remind person A in a way that gave person A offense? And is person A now wondering if person B ought to have acted some other way? Or is it person B who’s wondering?

It would be a real shame to strain a friendship over $5.00. Unless, of course, a friendship that can be strained by $5.00 is not on solid ground to begin with.

@nikipedia In that situation, if I were person A, I would pay it back for sure. If someone says “so that’s $5.32” to me after paying for my taco, I would assume that person really wants it back. Most people wouldn’t give the precise amount like that otherwise.

@nikipedia B can ask A for the money. If I were A, I would be happy to be reminded and square things up.

@Jeruba: Well, like I said, the question was genuine wondering. I cannot imagine ever caring about spotting a friend five bucks, and I was wondering if this is abnormal (based on these responses, it seems like it is).

What actually happened was, Person A made a comment to Person B about how stressed out she was about money problems (“I don’t even have enough money to withdraw cash at the ATM”). Person B replied, “That reminds me, can I get that five bucks from you?”

@nikipedia Wow, bad timing.

Unfortunately, people who tend to borrow money tend to have money problems I think. So was A pissed when B reminded her about the money?

A felt like a total asshole and shitty friend.

A felt like the asshole?

I’ll tell you what, the best way to find out someones spending habits are to travel with them.
The party I traveled with in Asia last year was very revealing. haha

One of the women would always jump on picking up the lunch tab for 4 of us at little dumpling houses where you could get a plate of dumplings, rice and a bowl of soup for about $3 ea. american dollars.

I ended up picking up the dinner tabs that were anywhere from $50ish to $80ish on numerous occasions.

I got wise to this chick quick! haha….

@roundsquare, yeah, A felt like a jerk for forgetting to pay her friend back.

Wow, I can see why A felt bad, but I think B is the asshole at this point. A shows that he/she has less than $20 in the bank, and B asks for $5 back…

I am totally with @roundsquare: B’s behavior was outrageous, no way to treat a friend. If I were person A, I would pay person B back, with carefully computed interest, if it was the last thing I did. And with person B, it probably would be.

Person D can remember letting person C off the hook for a hundred dollars some years ago, when the issue was a joint wedding present and person C was a little short. Person D’s memory is a little too good about these things, but the fact is that she learned a long time ago to treat any loan as a gift (which is to say, you don’t lend anything you can’t afford to write off). Once about ten years ago, when person C was far from short of cash and was in fact kind of ostentatiously throwing it around, person D said to person C, “We gave Person W that nice crystal ware together, do you remember?” and that’s the closest she ever came to reminding person C, who was oblivious. It’s simply gone, and that’s that.

(Person D feels better about letting it go than she would about bringing it up after all this time. It’s her choice. But she never “goes in” with C on presents any more.)

I think the lesson for person A in this situation is to remember to say “You know what? I can’t be thinking of eating out right now. I have to watch my nickels pretty closely.” And decline any offer of a loan.

Person D is speaking from a place of remembering living on lettuce sandwiches and homemade bread for a week because the lettuce was free leftovers from someone’s party and the bread ingredients cost 52 cents; going to the store with seven cents found in a pocket and buying one potato for supper; having a major family discussion over whether or not to spring for a 39-cent roll of Scotch tape; looking upon a bag of potato chips as an unattainable luxury. Person D understands.

Yeah, B was very insensitive.

Ditto for B being a ____. Were I A, I wouldn’t feel bad about it, though. I’d be pissed that my so-called friend would call in a loan after I revealed how bad off I was.

Knowing me, I would quickly scrape together the ______ five dollars and change, thank him for the loan, and try my darndest to see that person as infrequently as I could.

Needless to say I wouldn’t borrow anymore money from him.

Somewhat related followup:

Person B: It turns out I need some work done on my car, so I’m going to need someone to give me a ride to/from the mechanic…

Person A: Huh, bummer. Good luck!

I predict significantly less hanging out of person A with person B.

It would have been funny if A gave the ride to B and then charged for gas money. Maybe a jerk move, but still funny as a third party not involved.