How much will you put up with? (Details inside)

Very, very little these days. been there, done that. Now that I am over 50…I don’t put up with much. My tolerance level for bullshit, mind games, immature emotionality is at about ground zero. lol

It’s all good, life gets really easy when you quit swimming upstream and just let go. :-D

Not much. Really, not at all.

I am fine with people trying to get my attention. I know when I’m never going to like someone that way, though, and I try to make it clear in the most sensitive way possible. There will never come a point where I am so annoyed that I will be so blunt as to hurt them. I hate hurting other people, and really, if they want to like me knowing I don’t and won’t like them back, that is their prerogative. I might even enjoy it.

I don’t mind how much I’ll have to put-up with. Just the how. If they’re relatively reasonable and mature in their pursuit, not to mention display good taste and a finely tuned sense of humour, I might even enjoy it. Then again, I wouldn’t be putting up with them. I’ll be getting with them!

Just say no thank you when they pursue you. I said no to attending a meeting with a president’s wife (whom I would very much liked to meet) because it’s not fair to lead someone on if you’re not interested. Be nice about it, but don’t act interested if you’re not.

Not much. I’m not looking to be pursued or wooed, so doing so instead of believing me when I said no is a big turn off and likely to turn my “no” into a “hell no”.

@TheLadyEve Welcome to Fluther!
Why be rude instead of firmly polite? If you’re really adamant, your answer just needs to be seriously firm. “I’m sorry, but no thank you,” should do it. It is a compliment to be asked.
Well, usually. If the guys who ask you are rude, you don’t even have to answer them.

There was this ginger girl from school who fancied the arse off me…she was one of many ;¬}
It was made clear to me by her & her cohorts of her intentions. You girls love to gang up on a vulnerable young virgin dontcha XD
Anyway, I was basically pestered for weeks, until finally something had to be done. So I asked a girlfriend of mine, just a friend, no relationship, to kiss me in front of this “stalker.”
It did the trick, although i’m sure she thought I was a right bastard.

It shouldn’t get to any ‘putting up with’ stage.
If someone makes it known they find you attractive and you have made it known that feeling is not mutual, it should be the end of the story.

I did have someone think I was crazy about her as much as she was about me, and all along I thought of her as an acquaintance. I mean, hardly even a friend is how well I knew her. When I figured out where she was coming from I just flat out told her I didn’t feel the same way she did. She was floored but it straightened that out immediately. If there was a gentle way to let her down without leading her on ‘til the punch line I didn’t know what it was. But I knew I had to say something for both our sakes.

Actually you’ve got to put a pin in it, pop that balloon before it takes shape else you could end up with a very formadable enemy. How to do this is also a fine line.. You have to be serious but not insulting.. You can’t be logical but they must be able to understand your point. And for goodness sake don’t sic them on your best buddy (worst enemy? maybe because if it works out they both might turn into friends with you).. You can’t run, they will revel in the chase. It’s a situation that only time can change.

@chewhorse Well described. There has to be respect along with flat-out honesty for it to work as well as it possibly can. Shocking, but like shifting gears. The new paradigm is ok too.

Unfortunately or fortunately, this is not a problem I have every experienced. At least, I don’t think it is. For most of my life I have been completely clueless as to when someone was interested in me. Either no one was interested in me, or I missed the signals. So maybe someone was interested, but I was unaware of saying no to them.

I’ve mostly been the wooer. Sometimes the object of my affection objected, and I departed the scene. Once she didn’t object and ended up marrying me, instead.

This has happened to me frequently, and I tend to put up with a lot. It’s particularly problematic when a group of friends all decides to try something at once, and I always feel responsible for making sure they don’t start hating one another over it. Unfortunately, I do not always succeed.

@Sunny2 Because I don’t see it as being rude. If I’ve said “no”, or “thanks, but no thanks”, and maybe even said that a couple times, then they’re the ones being rude by not listening to my refusal. Plus, I think there’s an overemphasis on always being polite, and it can be really hard to be firm and polite, especially when refusing persistent people (and not just with romance). Eventually, you just have to stop being so traditionally polite and say “Look, you’ve asked me 23 times, each time the answer has been no, so leave me alone already!” Standing up for yourself (especially if you’re a woman) is often seen as “rude”, instead of standing up for yourself. And I wasn’t implying that I actually say “hell no” to their face, I normally just GTF away from them; I was trying to say that badgering me to change my mind is the worst possible way to get me to do so.

@wundayatta “completely clueless as to when someone was interested in me” Made me laugh! Typically, that’s my situation. And I’ve wondered how my life could have been different if I had a different sense of such situations.
A number of times I figured it out a couple months later that I totally missed an opportunity I would have been very interested in. And there are probably some I never figured out.

I’ve only had the situation in the question happen to me once.

A good test of respect is how well someone respects your “no”, or any other boundary like ” don’t call after 9:30 at night” etc.

Control freaks and other screwed up personalities have big trouble with boundaries.

Red flag # 37 lol