Is she playing hard to get?

The signals she was sending you were really tricky ones, ones that could go either way. Sometimes, you ask if someone has an s/o not because you’re looking to take your relationship to the next level, but because you care about them and want to know what’s up with them. And the cute dressing sometimes just means they felt like dressing that way, and that’s all there is to it. So if she said no, then I think that’s much, much clearer than all the other possible signals, and you should respect that and move on.

update…

It may be interesting to note, I am 6ft 6in tall, she is about 3ft tall. one of the things she said was “we are very different”.

It was not a humiliating or embarrasing situation at all, we both had a smile on our face, and even after I was told no, it did not go all quiet or anything, the evening continued fine.

EDIT: Oh yea… she is not compliment shy, she really enjoys being told she is pretty, I got a very big smile from her on that one.

Woah dude, 3ft tall? I can understand it if she felt a tad bit intimidated…
I think you should go ahead the second time, as you said. Sometimes us girls want to make sure a guy really likes us and wants to make an effort.

@MilkyWay I don’t know how tall she is, suffice it to say I’m a fair bit taller than her if I get on my knees. (and you can all nip the begging for it jokes in the butt right now)

She is not a midget or dwarf or whatever the proper term is now days, she is just very very tiny. I do have her trust, I know that for sure, I also trust her, she does not fear me in any kind of way, I know she feels safe with me, but yes, she is very very small.

@poisonedantidote That’s good to hear that she feels comfortable with you.
I think the word you’re looking for is “petite”.
I hope it all goes good :)

@MilkyWay And see, on the other hand, some of us women are really turned off when guys won’t hear our “no” and think we’re looking to be pursued when we aren’t.

@Aethelflaed True, but I don’t think there’s any harm from just making sure. He might miss out on something good. If she says no again, then that’s it. Solid answer.

@Aethelflaed Well said. I don’t know where people got that when women say no they mean yes. When I say no I mean NO.

@MilkyWay See, I disagree about the harm. Plus, why would you want to be with a woman who plays those kinds of power games, anyway? I’d much rather be with someone who knew they liked me and weren’t afraid to admit it (especially when I’d already let them know the feeling would be mutual).

@Porifera Thanks, me too. I hate it when male culture tells men that women are just looking to be pursued, chased, wooed, etc. It’s one thing to have some mixed signals in the flirting area (the dress, the asking if you have an s/o, etc), but if you directly ask me if I like you and I say no, just freaking respect that already.

I guess different women have different veiws. Not all people can be the same after all.
The decision is up to @poisonedantidote anyway. I just put my thoughts and opinions across.

@Aethelflaed I’m with all the way. Who needs to waste time and energy in playing silly mind games? I don’t know, maybe from the guys point of view this is a turn on as they feel the are conquering or something.

@poisonedantidote you are killing me. She likes you. Women don’t say stuff like ‘we are very different’ unless they are internally trying to talk themselves out of liking you.

She likes you. If you keep chasing, you will become boring.

The next time you are worried if you should text her or call her, don’t. Let her know that you are a cool guy and have stuff going on in your life. EVEN IF IT MAKES YOU CRAZY.

I am determined that you get this girl to like you now.

On the topic of no meaning no…

Her no was quite clear, and I am not interpreting it to mean yes. I’m interpreting it to mean no.

However, “no” is a very easy word to deploy when cought off guard. Plus, people some times change their mind.

I have a very Vulcan way of going about my dating, I did not umm or errr, I said without a single stutter what I said, and it would have landed on the mind a little like a sledge hammer.

Just to be clear, the only physical contact I have had with her, was when particles of her perfume reached my nostrils, and when we brushed up against each other a couple of times, I am very respectful of other peoples space.

@Imadethisupwithnoforethought Maybe it’s because I’m stoned, or just plain stupid, but I lost you after the first line, mind running it by me 1 more time?

@Imadethisupwithnoforethought I’ve said that when letting guys down. It’s a way of softening the blow, or what you say after they ask “why”?. I guess I shouldn’t from now on, though. I’ll just stick with the simple and sweet “thanks, but no thanks”.

@Aethelflaed A little extra info, I did not ask why, I just shrugged it off and contrinued my conversation with her.

Out of the entire several hours, this topic was only mentioned directly for a short time, even if it was tap danced around before and after.

@Aethelflaed, thank you for the feedback. I agree with you, the timing is different. And I have not read every single message clearly. If a woman says we cannot be together because of x before I have asked her for more intimacy, I assume my version. If it happens after I have asked for more intimacy, I assume you are correct and she is trying to let me down easy.

@poisonedantidote Remember what you said last night? About face saving gestures? Women employ a thousand more face saving gestures than we as men could ever imagine. If she is sending mixed signals, but still receptive to spending time with you, I say she likes you but is not sure.

@Imadethisupwithnoforethought I get ya now.

Well, she has already made it clear she will go anywhere with me, any time, I just need to call. If anyone is curious, she always tries to pay her own way, she is not coming with me for free weed or drinks or food or anything, that is for sure.

@poisonedantidote if confidence makes you attractive to women, then you have nothing to lose by interpreting her mixed signals as positive. It will make you more attractive to her.

When women aren’t into you, they just stop hanging around you.

@Imadethisupwithnoforethought

“When women aren’t into you, they just stop hanging around you.” ... lets see what happens next time I call her.

@poisonedantidote I hope that when you say that she is 3ft. tall that she is a little person (but still an adult) and not a child. If that is the case, that she is a small adult, then she just might not see you in a romantic light although she probably does like you as good friend. I’ve had average height female friends tell me that they would never, ever date a man that is shorter than them, so it might work the other way around. There are societal norms that people feel comfortable with, she might feel this way about little people dating regularly heighted people. It shouldn’t matter, but sometimes it does.

She is definitely giving you some mixed signals, which is never fun for anybody. It sounds like she probably does like you, even a lot, and she may even be attracted to you in a romantic way, but because she told you that she’s not interested, she may feel that it is not right, or it’s just impossible, for you guys to date because of the potential stigma that may be attached to it.

The other dillema that I see is that you have had all of these encounters while both of you were high on pot. Things are not always spoken or conveyed correctly when one is under the influence. If you are going to ask her how she feels again, you should do it while both of you are sober, then you can probably get a more realistic idea of how she really feels, and maybe find out why she isn’t interested. Good luck and please give us an update.

@Kardamom yea, she is a 25yo adult.

Size is part of it, there is not denying it, it would be a lie if I said I had not thought about it too. A relationship between her and me would turn some heads and feed a good bit of gossip. I am far from regular size, my right leg is probably heavier than her.

I am slimmer than I look in my avatar now, but I’m a fair size.

@poisonedantidote You should probably be very upfront when you ask her about this subject, without being disrespectful. Something along the lines of, “Hey Mary, as you know, I’m attracted to you, but is the reason that you don’t want to go out with me, because you won’t date men that are not little? Or is it just because you don’t feel any romantic twinges toward me? I guess I may have been getting my signals mixed.” And then see what she says. But do this, sober, so you will know for sure.

She may really enjoy your platonic company and enjoy the opportunities to dress up a little. I have a friend who for a few years acted as my “stand in” date when a date was needed or for typical date events. We would both get a bit dressed up and go to wonderful dinners and places. Our attitude was we were complimenting each other by making the efforts and in a way thanking each other for the things we were able to share because we were available for each other.

@Kardamom Thx.

RE: being sober.

I smoke weed like I breathe air, Im actually clenching a joint in my fingers as I type this, it would be very unlikely that weed is impairing my perception. My infatuation is more likely to do that for me than the weed. If I had not smoked, It would actually alter my mental state as if I had taken something. It would up my stress 10 fold too.

But yea, I will be up front about the size thing next time we talk, she is worth my best shot. thanks.

@poisonedantidote Yikes! It worries me that you are that addicted to smoking pot, in the same way that I would be worried about anybody who is that addicted to any kind of drug or controlled substance, but that is for another thread.

Good luck with this lady : )

@Kardamom Actually… the weed plays in to it too.

So far, we always meet to go smoke some weed, she claims to be quitting it (again) today. This was her last big smoke before she quits smoking weed for the next 6 months (blood tests blah blah blah).

From now on, I no longer can mention weed to her, if I meet her it is already decided that we will not be smoking weed, rather will be going to the cinema or something else. She has made it so I need to supply a different reason, any reason will do, but it has to be another one. As we agreed so far, Tuesday we will go out some place.

This was something that made me think maybe she wanted to see what else I would call her for.

I will conceed that weed makes you forgetful, hence this post, lol.

@poisonedantidote If she is giving up smoking pot, that may be another reason that she is hesitant to get involved with you. It would make it harder for her to stop smoking, even if she really likes you, if she knows that smoking is really important to you.

While it is a good idea to ask her what your status is in this relationship, I don’t recommend bringing up any specifics, like height/size. It sounds like an assumption. Why not ask her what she wants from your relationship? She might just be the type that likes having a friend that is comfortable flirting with her without any other advances. Do you know any of her other male friends? What are they like around her?

You mention that she wore a dress for your meeting. Is that something uncommon for her, or in your culture?

@Kardamom Good point, but in this case not so. I have sufficient discipline to not smoke around her.

Perhaps I should also make it clear that I can give up. (even she only plans to give up for a while).

What the hell… you know what, fuck it, I quit weed. Next time any of you see me claiming to be a weed smoker in a weed threat, call me out on my bullshit. I’m done. I have this one joint left that im smoking now, and if i quit now I dont even need to buy more again.

@Pied_Pfeffer She is a bit of a tom boy at times, her showing up in a dress falls short to me showing up as an elf by about an inch.

Come to think of it, I have never seen her in anything other than shorts or pants.

@poisonedantidote stop smoking so much pot. We can’t find true love for you if you are all hi and stuff.

@Imadethisupwithnoforethought I just stubbed the last one out. I’m serious too, no more weed. Not because of her so much, more just because it’s probably about time really. 28yo and all.

@poisonedantidote you do what you like. I drink way too much scotch when I am alone. But a lot of times you forget that when you smoke a lot or drink a lot in front of another person, you leave an impression, that may make them hesitant about you.

Ok, it’s 4am… I best go and at least try to sleep. Lets hope that I don’t spend the next 8 hours trying to figure out a logical truth that proves my infatuation has not led my perception a stray.

Tomorrow is going to be a loooong shitty weedless, loveless shitty shitty day, what better way to start a monday than waking up to remembering the crash and burn lol. Roll on Tuesday.

No more than catching a greased up pig would.
Come here ya little bugger!

You can’t possibly lose if you never give up! Play it cool coy and make her laugh and ya never know!!