How can I help my daughter overcome shyness?

Try telling her that you will be watching her as she plays with the kids. Otherwise, since she is OK with kids that she knows, I would not be too worried.

I think there is a good chance she is only very shy when you are around. As she gets older it will go away in my opinion. Being a little shy around strangers is not a horrible thing in this day and age. As long as she is social with her friends and new chidren her age, I wouldn’t worry much.

If a kid comes up to ask her to play I would strongly encourage her to do just that. She maybe feels that you don’t want her to leave you. Or you could bring her over to a group of kids and once she starts playing with them quietly step aside. She is maybe just a shy kid and there is nothing wrong with that but you should encourage interaction.

My son is exactly the same, but is getting better I have to say… at going and playing with other children that is. I would offer that I think it’s probably the strange environments that provoke this behaviour – they don’t feel safe or secure and so they stay with who they know will protect them. I think it’s perfectly normal. However, I know some children are rather outgoing and don’t have this issue. I do also think that we do each have characteristic tendencies as well to be introverted or extroverted.

What has worked for my son is to tell him about going to new places well in advance (say a week then remind him 3–4 days nearer the time and then the day before etc) with an emphasis on all the good things about the event…taking a really encouraging approach. He’s recently just started his transition sessions at school and this worked perfectly! I think talking is so important with young children and allowing them to express their feelings. But I would say that I’ve never forced my son to go and play, trusting that he will do it when he feels comfortable with the people and the place…this has also worked at parties too…although it’s usually in the last 20 minutes of the party that he leaves me – I’d rather him feel safe than abandoned by me.

I wasn’t really shy, but I was reserved and I didn’t like to be rushed. I wanted to take my time to study the situation first and see where I might fit in. I’m not sure anyone could have hurried me into things; that might have triggered a full-scale retreat.

What’s more, I think I have always had very strong one-on-one relationships that can be difficult to combine in a group. And my relationship with my parents was nothing like my relationships with peers. I might have been uncertain how to be myself with peers while still behaving as my parents expected.

And for some kids, this is just an age-related thing that wears off by itself in time.

So I’m not offering advice or suggestions, just possible insights for you to consider. It may be that you don’t need to do anything except be understanding and let her proceed at her own pace.

And possibly find excuses to be a little bit less available when she is inclined to hide.

I hold an intensive, 3 day seminar once a month aimed at exorcising the shyness demon in children. I have one coming up if you are interested. All I need from you is your child, a valid credit card number, and your signature on a legally binding, all purpose waiver.

don’t wait too long. the class fills up fast.

This is normal, especially for girls. It is because you are there to hold onto and provide shelter and protection to. Their fears are real to them, but not to us.
I am sure you talk to her about it and ask questions as why she doesn’t engage freely. It takes time to warm up to people you don’t know as a kid. Think of a situation where you are a playground or the beach and do not know anyone. Help her through it by playing and doing the activity until she warms up to someone and then both will feel safe and realize it is good to learn new friends and yet still learn through the process that it is ok to take a little time so you are safe.
Once she knows it is ok or are in a situation where you have to leave, she will be ok.
My daughter was and in some situations still gets this way. (I came to fluther earlier this year because of something similar and needed some thoughts on it too).

Maybe you start a Saturday playgroup where u invite neighborhood children,class friends etc to a general locale ie. Park, kid gym and encourage her to act as a greeter or some role that requires her to interact with others one to one not necessarily in an intimidating larger group. Maybe she helps with snacks. Or pair her up with younger kids that she can feel responsibilty and importance knowing that they depend on her may break her shyness. The ages of the children she is around most does factor in. Elder children usually boss the younger causing them to feel intimidated. Introduce her to varied environments regularly and see where she thrives the most and then build her confidence from there. Hope this helps. As stated before its usually something they grow out of so you shouldn’t worry too much.

Let her know that you are watching her while she’s playing with the other kids. Although she may be shy, you should try to push her on to going to another friend and saying hi. But, before you tell your daughter to go talk to the other kid, tell her to ask the kid about something they may have in common. Like, when you’re at a party, tell her, “Go say hi to that little boy! See if he likes to color, play, draw, play sports, etc.”. You have to really ease her into saying hi to another little kid. Although she may be shy, she will eventually grow out of it. (I hope.) . You have to tell her, “Go play with the other kids.” Try making play-dates with other kids for her, and you can like talk to their parents a little close by o that she’ll know you’re close by and ready to help. You know, say things that are encouraging that would make her want to play with the other children. She’ll make friends soon. I promise!

Also forgot to mention that having her engage in new group activities like dance, tumbling/gymnastics or other interests where she will expand interests and meet new friends. A free one is the local Library. They usually organize kids group activities as simple as story hours and more.
Playgrounds, beaches, nature centers are also good places.