Do I call her today?

My instinct would be to not call her anymore at all until she calls me or shows up here again.

Yeah, she is game playing I guess? Sounds like you have tried to be normal and straight forward, which I think is the right way to go. Now she is going to have to beg or send another really clear signal for you to make a move again. If you want to take her out, and calling will not be enough for you, which is fine, then no more calls just to chat.

Screw her, and by that I mean don’t call her. What a childish thing to do.

In my opinion, if she really has plans, she should still say something like, “I can’t Friday, but how about Saturday?” Not an open ended call me.

@poisonedantidote -Don’t call her…call her sister ;)

when I tell her I’m interested she says she is not

She told you she’s not interested. Stop reading into her behavior. She’s not interested.

Sure, but not for a date. I don’t care if she’s interested or not, you shouldn’t be put through these kinds of games (nor should anyone for that matter).

Hell yeah :)) @lucillelucillelucille said it Call teH sista’ !!!

In any case you better stick to ” wait for her to make a move ” .

No.
There are 2 possibilities here:
1. She truly isn’t interested in you and just has a flirty personality (or is purposely torturing you). You clearly like this girl. Do you really want to put yourself through this?

2. She’s is interested in you but for unknown reason said she isn’t. At this point, she is playing a game. Do you really want to peruse someone who thinks being disingenuous and playing with your emotions is an ok way to behave?

@nikipedia That is more a summary, there is a touch more to it than that. I have known this girl for years and years, and I have never seen her in a dress, except for the night she was knew she was going out with me.

I have seen her at official events, such as communions and posh parties dressed almost like a guy.

- Out of an 8 foot bench, she chooses to sit so close to me that we are touching.
– Plays with her hair.
– Laughs at things that are not even remotely funny.
– Outright insists that she wants to go out with me for dinner some other night.

There is more, but it is hard to explain without knowing the character of both parties.

I do not push my self on to women, never have, never will, this is the first time in my 28 years of life that I have ever thought no is maybe not no.

Also, it should be noted, that all I am looking for is 1 date, where if im very very very lucky, I get to hold her hand for a while. A kiss is not even on the table for me at this stage.

@quiddidyquestions

“You clearly like this girl. Do you really want to put yourself through this?” It’s no hardship, I have a very thick skin, and I enjoy her company, I would be happy just being friends if it comes to it.

“Do you really want to peruse someone who thinks being disingenuous and playing with your emotions is an ok way to behave?” No, but I don’t think that is what she is doing. I think she is concerned about the gossip it would generate.

@everyone and anyone…

I would like to point out that I have been the perfect gentleman the whole time, i dont have a pocket full of roofies. She and I simply have such a good friendship, that I thought it would be a good things to build a relationship on. If she says no a second time, I would never bring it up again.

With everything you have said here, I still kind of stick to my first answer, now that she has played so hard to get, she is going to have to do something significant for you to take another chance at asking her out again. She started the “game.”

The only other alternatives I see is to press her on what you suspect is really going on, her concern for the gossip. Or, I guess you can ask her out one more time, and if she still says no, tell her you won’t ask her out anymore, you don’t want to make her uncomfortable. Then she knows this is her last shot, and she has to say something now to correct her mixed messages, or take the burden on herself to ask you out if she wants to go out.

Some women like or need to be pursued, but after a few times of asking it gets ridiculous. I figure she gets three shots, after that she lost her chance.

@JLeslie

Yes, the part about calling her or not has certainly been settled, she needs to call me now. I just got carried away with the mind fuckery part again.

Oh. Hahaha. Ok. Let us know if you ever get the date.

@poisonedantidote Happens to the best of us. You ladies can really fuck with our heads.

I would call, but I think she is stringing you along.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iol0B-clFFM

in fact she insists I call her again.

That in itself is odd and not very promising. LIsten to the advice that you voluntarily asked for.

I do understand your frustration with the lack of clarity, but you are using what you think that she is thinking to wish for something… well, this sentence got away from me.

Wait a few days, call when you feel like it, ask her out and if she says “no,” pick an alternative date and try again. That would be the third strike, IMO.

Call her to make plans? Why weren’t the plans made while you had her on the phone?

OK look, any girl who says, “Make sure you call me” (in the described situation) is simply looking for attention. Question yourself, was she dressed to the nines for you, or for her own personal public awareness campaign?

People want what they can’t have. Don’t call her, and separate yourself from the ocean of other dimwits who do, chasing her around feeding her ego. She’s on an attention high. Let her have it. She’s building her flock of man sheeple to guide and watch over. None of them are special to her, except the one that separates from the flock. A good shepherd always risks leaving the flock to pursue the one that got away.

No one is accusing you of not being a gentleman; we’re just warning you that you might end up feeling like a fool.

I think that often men mistake women being polite or friendly for flirting. If she sat 8 feet away from you on an 8 foot bench, she would seem to have some serious social problems.

@nikipedia Quite true.

@nikipedia “If she sat 8 feet away from you on an 8 foot bench, she would seem to have some serious social problems.”

Haha, so true. It’s good to get this reminder every so often.

Call her if you want to. Don’t call her if you don’t want to.

Some exercises you could try:

Try to reflect objectively and sense whether she is being crazy and annoying (like others have said) or whether she is being flirtatious and somewhat unavailable, but actually does want to date you.

Then ask yourself, and the feelings in your body, why you have a thick skin, and why you enjoy her company. Are you attracted to a dysfunctional relationship, or not?

Then I would suggest actually asking someone else out, or several someones until you get at least one yes. If you are casually starting to date someone else, this will give you perspective, could lead to other possibilities, and could also tend to make you more attractive to her.

I wouldn’t call. Be busy this weekend doing something good with a friend or two. Call on Monday for a planned activity on Friday or Sat.

Depending how interested you are. I would tell her, I don’t want to be pushy. I’m really not good at reading people and knowing if they are really interested in me. Here is my number and so the ball is in your court. If you don’t call me by the end of the week I will assume you are simply not interested and move on. Or if you really know you are not interested than just tell me and I will not bother you again. If she calls you one day after the date you set then she is playing games. Never a good idea to date someone who isn’t mature.
She needs to know her games have an expiration date.

She said no the second time.
Forget her.

I hate people that insist on playing games. I wouldn’t bother with her anymore. If she is interested, she’ll call you.

Are we still talking about the young lady who you described as being a “little person”?

I still think that she might be interested in you, in a romantic manner, but there are 2 things that are bothering her and you need to ask her directly about these 2 things. Don’t ever assume that she’s OK with certain things, just because you think she should be OK with them, or that she appears to be OK with them. Ask her directly and then proceed from there.

The first thing is that if I were this young lady, I would be very concerned about the gossip and finger pointing that might go along with being a little person dating a fellow who was 6ft tall. In a perfect world, this wouldn’t matter, but in reality, there are plenty of people who won’t date outside of their race, won’t date a disabled person if they don’t have a disability, and average sized women who won’t date short men. You need to find out for certain if this girl feels un-comfortable dating a “normal” sized man. Don’t assume that you know the answer.

The second thing you need to find out for sure is about how she feels about you being (although you are trying to quit) an avowed pot smoker. For me, even though you are trying to quit, that would be a deal breaker for me. Don’t assume that because she has smoked pot with you in the past, that she’s OK with you being a pot smoker (or cigarette smoker, now). She might be, but you can’t know for sure unless you ask her.

And I guess the third part, is the fact that she is giving you mixed signals. The 2 situations that I mentioned above may play into this (because she may like you, but not know if she can deal with the situations). I would call her, and try to meet her in person, but not for a date. Then sit down with her and calmly, and nicely have the conversation with her.

You could say something like this, “Jennifer, you know that I’m interested in dating you and I know you said that you were not interested in dating me, but I kind of feel like I’m getting mixed signals from you because you act very flirty and sweet around me. Am I missing something? Also, is the reason that you aren’t interested in dating me have anything to do with our height difference or the fact that up until recently, I have been a heavy pot smoker? I really want you to be honest with me, because I’m feeling very confused lately.” Then let her talk. Let her give you some good answers. If she continues to be wishy-washy, I would just drop the whole idea of dating her, and just continue to be friendly acquaintences with her.

Also, if she can’t commit to meeting you on any particular day, that would be a subtle hint that she just isn’t interested. Anyone who is truly interested would suggest alternate dates and times for getting together.

@Kardamom has it right. Pearls of wisdom. Listen to her.