She called me, so how do I proceed now?

If she’s told you she’s not interested in a relationship, I’d take her at her word, unless and until she says she’s changed her mind. Go forward as friends, and do something you’d do with any other friend… see a movie, hit a pub, just hang out and have fun!

She obviously likes to play games, so just go out and enjoy your time and go with the moment. I wouldn’t try to reach out anymore than that, she seems to unpredictable.

@Blackberry how do you figure that she obviously likes to play games?

I think @augustlan nailed it. Maybe it will evolve, maybe it won’t… just treat her like any other friend and see where it goes.

I’m going to re-iterate what I said yesterday. You have to be polite, but direct. Otherwise you will never know what she is thinking, what she wants or what kind of a relationship you can have with her.

I still think that she might be interested in you, in a romantic manner, but there are 2 things that are bothering her and you need to ask her directly about these 2 things. Don’t ever assume that she’s OK with certain things, just because you think she should be OK with them, or that she appears to be OK with them. Ask her directly and then proceed from there.

The first thing is that if I were this young lady, I would be very concerned about the gossip and finger pointing that might go along with being a little person dating a fellow who was 6ft tall. In a perfect world, this wouldn’t matter, but in reality, there are plenty of people who won’t date outside of their race, won’t date a disabled person if they don’t have a disability, and average sized women who won’t date short men. You need to find out for certain if this girl feels un-comfortable dating a “normal” sized man. Don’t assume that you know the answer.

The second thing you need to find out for sure is about how she feels about you being (although you are trying to quit) an avowed pot smoker. For me, even though you are trying to quit, that would be a deal breaker for me. Don’t assume that because she has smoked pot with you in the past, that she’s OK with you being a pot smoker (or cigarette smoker, now). She might be, but you can’t know for sure unless you ask her.

And I guess the third part, is the fact that she is giving you mixed signals. The 2 situations that I mentioned above may play into this (because she may like you, but not know if she can deal with the situations). I would call her, and try to meet her in person, but not for a date. Then sit down with her and calmly, and nicely have the conversation with her.

You could say something like this, “Jennifer, you know that I’m interested in dating you and I know you said that you were not interested in dating me, but I kind of feel like I’m getting mixed signals from you because you act very flirty and sweet around me. Am I missing something? Also, is the reason that you aren’t interested in dating me have anything to do with our height difference or the fact that up until recently, I have been a heavy pot smoker? I really want you to be honest with me, because I’m feeling very confused lately.” Then let her talk. Let her give you some good answers. If she continues to be wishy-washy, I would just drop the whole idea of dating her, and just continue to be friendly acquaintences with her.

Also, if she can’t commit to meeting you on any particular day, that would be a subtle hint that she just isn’t interested. Anyone who is truly interested would suggest alternate dates and times for getting together.

“However it would be nice to know what she is thinking.”

Dude, please. In the history of the world, nobody has ever known what a woman was thinking in a situation like that. Back in the Middle Ages dudes would be all “so, do you think she likes me, or does she just want to have fun and forget about the plague?”

Don’t overthink it. Go out, have a good time, see where it goes.

@bob_ you crack me up.

@ANef_is_Enuf I aim to please.

It’s early days: I wouldn’t talk about relationships yet. Just go out with her, ahve a good time or not, and see what happens.

I think I would only continue to go out with her if you didn’t care if she continued not to want to date you.

Otherwise, I would move on.

^^ What @janbb said. But skip the pot. @Kardamom is right.

For future refference, please do not mention weed. I have not had some in what feels like weeks, and am trying to keep it out of my mind. thx. I should be ok In about a week.

@poisonedantidote I don’t want to bring it up to annoy you, but you have to give some credence to the thought that W is one of things that might be holding this girl back from wanting to get closer to you and dating you. For me, I wouldn’t even consider dating someone who has been this addicted for so long, unless he could prove that he has been clean and sober for at least a year. I completely applaud your effort to give it up. Just saying that you might want to ask her about it, that’s all. Then you will know for sure.

A girl that I used to work with fell head over heels in love with another fellow at work. She was leaving that job to go to nursing school. The fellow that she was dating and fell in love with was/is a heavy smoker (regular cigarettes) but she had to break up with him because she couldn’t justify continuing to date someone who was literally killing himself, when she herself was bound to help other people to get healthy. So things like this do matter. Just ask your friend.

@bob_ has a very valid point. Who knows what this woman’s intentions are, other than what she has already provided? I would not question her about any assumptions you might have. Instead, focus on what you want out of this relationship. If it is more than what she wants and you do not feel like you can continue seeing her without the constant tug on your heart, then just let her know that.

@Kardamom I can’t mention weed to her, it is just, not possible for me to suggest any such thing to her. I can probably never explain it to you, but it would be on a par with, well I don’t know what it would be on a par with, but it would be something pretty strange that’s for sure.

However, I totally accept that it could be a valid point. Seeing as she and I have both been smoking weed together for over a decade it is highly improbable.

Taking your advice in to account, I think the best thing I can do, is just show up clean next time. After I go 20 minutes without sparking up a joint she is bound to ask why im not smoking any. At this point I would just say “seeing as you decided to quit the other day, and it coincided with some friends online telling me to quit, I thought wtf, so I quit”

That way, my ability to quit should be no more and no less questionable than her ability to quit, and it should neutralize the situation.

If she then tempts me to smoke for any reason (highly unlikely), I will then know she has a problem for sure with my weed use.

EDIT: former weed use.

@ANef_is_Enuf “I tell her I am interested, and she says she is not.” Am I missing something?

You already know what she is thinking. You told her you were interested, she says she is not. She has either friend-zoned you or she is playing games, as @Blackberry says. If you want to invite her out as friends, there is no harm in that, but only do it if you can accept her lack of interest in you. If you are still smarting from the disappointment, you may want to take some time away from her for a while.

@bob_ Chances were, she just wanted to forget about the plague and loose her virginity before her vagina fell out.

I have to say, after reading through the original post my thought was the same as @Blackberry‘s “game-player”. After reading the other posts I acknowledge she could just want to be friends as has been suggested, but she hasn’t said that. If you want more than friendship, I would move on. I don’t think relationships should be so angst ridden and confusing as to be constantly second guessing what the other person wants. If you are happy to just be friends… carry on with what you are doing but have no other expectations.

@Bellatrix “I don’t think relationships should be so angst ridden and confusing as to be constantly second guessing what the other person wants.”

I totally agree, however, I have to say that compared to many other past relationships and one off dates, that everything so far has been fun and easy.

The night she turned me down, I came home and thought “what a good night”, and started looking forwards to calling her as agreed.

As for confusion, while there is some, there is no that much.

I really appreciate everyones answers, and while it’s all good advice, none of it is tailor made. I can’t help but feel that I am failing to convey her personality, reactions, and statements.

Follow your instinct.Just go out on a date have fun and see what happens.I wouldn’t ask her anything….
You will find out soon enough what she is thinking.

@Blackberry that doesn’t sound like she is playing games to me, that sounds pretty straightforward…

@ANef_is_Enuf Then why keep making plans?

@Blackberry Because she likes him as a friend still?

@Blackberry Because bitches be crazy.

@Blackberry exactly what @Aethelflaed said. Just because you don’t want to date someone doesn’t mean you never want to see them again. I was under the impression that @poisonedantidote and this girl were friends before this all began…

Yeah, I guess.