What's the best comeback that you've ever heard/used?

Yeah, slavery is hilarious.

Your eyes are like swimming pools!

What?

Your eyes are like swimming pools, they ar eso deep I could dive right in!

Tchyeah! and with lines that shallow, you’re likely to break your neck!!

A very tall friend and I used to hang out together. While seated at a table in a restaurant, the server came over to take our orders, took one look at him and asked the question he hears almost daily. “Wow. How tall are you?” I turned to the buxom server and asked, “And what bra size do you wear?”

A friend of mine was talking with her brother-in-law and he was growing tired of what she was saying. He took the TV remote and pointed at her as if to reduce her volume. She didn’t miss a beat and yelled, “You went the wrong way!”

In high school calculus class the teacher made a little apology for blocking some of what was on the chalkboard. He added the cliché that he would make a better door than a window.
The class all chuckled.
I said, “I think you’d make a better window.”
He asked, “Why is that?”
I said, “Because you’re a pane!”
It went over well, fortunately.

I once got pulled over by a police officer for speeding. He asked me for my license and registration. I don’t remember why, but I was in such a shoddy mood that day and sometimes I say things without thinking when I’m like that. After I handed him the cards, the officer asked me “Did you see how fast you were going back there, sir? Without thinking and being the smart ass that I am, I said “I saw how fast I was going, officer. It was you I didn’t see that screwed me over.” He actually chuckled, said “I’ve never heard that one before. Have a good afternoon and stop speeding”, and left. I was stunned.

I was in a chat room designated for women. Some guy showed up and said, “Suck my cock!”

Dead silence prevailed for a minute, and then I said, “No thanks. I don’t like feathers in my mouth!” I then began to discuss what kind of cock he I thought he was. I finally decided he was either a little red bantam or one of those stupid white leghorns that are too stupid to come out of the rain. All the ladies in the chat cracked up. One said she was typing on her knees because she fell off her chair.

I don’t get that kind of inspired very often, but it sure worked that time.

And this is lovely to put on an answering machine:

“Have a nice day, unless of course you have other plans!”

Eeeh…nothing beats a good ol’ fuck you to me lol.

The Jerk Store

A friend of mine was arguing with his mother.
At a point of pure frustraition, she called him a son-of-a-bitch.
He said “Yeah, MOM!”

So’s your face.

for anything.

In middle school, our class was waiting for the teacher before class. Mr. Trosper was a rough guy from the country with very little patience for bullshit. We were playing “you shut up!” Pointless really, but when someone said “shut up”, the game was on- “you shut up”, “no, you shut up”, “no, you shut up” etc etc..

Mr. Trosper came in to the noisy room, red in the face, and yelled, “WHY DON’T YOU ALL SHUT UP!” and there was silence as he started to write on the chalkboard..

pause

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then I said,”No… you shut up”. The eruption of laughter that followed didn’t get me out of detention, but it was worth it for the look on his face.

@rOs I get how that was funny, but if I were in Mr. Trosper’s place, I’d have done more than just give you detention! Kids these days…

Are your parents siblings!? :-/