This happened after I got pulled over leaving a rest area that was getting busted and the cops thought I was there, uh, trying to get lucky:
Me: Look, I didn’t solicit any sex, OK? This is a huge misunderstanding. I was really going out to pee, I was walking to the bushes, I tripped over this guy – and suddenly all those cops and their helicopters…
Detective Stabler: Jon, Jon, it’s OK, we believe you. The problem is we found your friend in the car.
[Detective Stabler is referring to a dead body they found in my car, which unbeknownst to me was left by the hitchhiker I had picked up earlier. I had no idea about the body. I’m thinking the police are going to charge me with giving a ride to hitchhiker, because the hitchhiker told me it was a felony in that state.]
Me: Oh, the hitchhiker? That’s what this is about, the hitchhiker? Oh, oh, great. This is my luck – I get caught for everything.
Detective Krevoy: So… you admit it?
Me: Ah, yeah, guilty as charged. Look, I know you guys got a job to do, alright? And I’m really sorry. I did it, I admit it. You know, the guy even told me, the hitchhiker told me it was illegal.
Detective Krevoy: Well, uh, can you tell us his name?
Me: Ah… no, I didn’t catch it. Can we cut to the chase, I mean, am I like in a lot of trouble here?
Detective Stabler: First tell us why you did it.
Me: Why I did it? Ah… I don’t know. Boredom? The guy turned to be a blubber mouth who just would not shut up.
Detective Krevoy: Jon, this wasn’t your first time, was it?
Me: No.
Detective Krevoy: How many are we talking here?
Me: Hitchhikers? My whole life? Ah… I don’t know – twenty-five, fifty… I mean, who keeps track? Hey, you know, I know this is the Bible Belt and everything, but where I come from this is not that big deal, I mean…
Detective Krevoy: You son of a bitch! You’re gonna fry!
[exploding in rage due to my seeming indifference to murder, detective Krevoy roars, grabs me by my shirt and repeatedly slams my head against the desk. I yell in pain and Detective Stabler finally steps in.]
Detective Stabler: Take it easy! Calm down!
[Stabler manages to separate Krevoy and my battered head. I fall backward on the floor]
Detective Stabler: [to Krevoy] Are you OK?
Me: [to Krevoy] What the hell is wrong with you?