(NSFW) How do I get over my phobia of talking dirty in the bedroom?

Relax and have fun with it. If it gives you the giggles go with that. I can’t imagine anything more fun.

Start by telling him exactly what you want him to do. I promise you he will do anything.

@Pele Would you like some examples?

Start small. And observe his reactions. You’ll understand when and how you should talk and what turns him on. After a while you enjoy it too [ the more he likes it and his turned on the better you’ll feel about yourself ].

Wait until you’re aroused. It will not seem silly then.

@Adirondackwannabe No thanks. I’m sure the dirty talk should come organically. It’s my giggles and hesitation that’s the challenge. Not what to say.

Practice. Don’t worry so much about laughing – he’ll think it’s sweet and sexy that you are trying. Maybe practice solo – imagine you’re with him and go over in your head what you’d say, so you can desensitize yourself. Start with less vulgar stuff (I want you inside me) and work your way up the vulgarity chain.

@Adirondackwannabe Um, I’d like some examples, please.

Yeah, I could be aroused and everything and as soon as I try to talk dirty… The giggles take me totally out of the moment. Maybe I should practice a little solo.

@Aethelflaed Had to check to see if this is in social, which it is, so here goes. Describe what you want him to do like worriedguy said. “Run your tongue lightly over my clit. Then slide it down to my pussy and slowly sink it in. Slide it back to my clit and swirl it around for a minute. Gently suck on my pussy for a minute. Then back to my clit and gently suck on it for a little.” If he’s doing that try to giggle.

@Pele I actually giggle all the time in sex. For me, sex is rarely this sort of trance-like, exotic, uber-romantic thing (think Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt in Mr. and Mrs. Smith) and more of a playful, giggling romp (think Dharma and Greg). Stuff happens in sex that makes you giggle, and not just the dirty talk.

@Adirondackwannabe How you doin’?

Just reading the suggestions made me want to giggle.
I don’t have a knack for this, either. I feel ridiculous. If I say something dirty, it comes out spontaneously… and enthusiastically. If I have to force it, then I just feel silly.

@ANef_is_Enuf That’s just how I feel.

I think giggling is okay durring sex. If I’m giggling out fun not feeling akward.

@Pele I definitely relate.
Unfortunately I don’t really have any advice, because it isn’t something that I’ve ever overcome. I don’t think of myself as a prude by any means, but the dirty talk just isn’t for me. It takes me out of the moment, much like you said.
I also agree that giggling out of fun or joy is totally different than giggling from feeling awkward.

Hey, it’s sex. You’re going to look like a goober while doing it. Just go with it and relax.

@ANef_is_Enuf Totally, but he wants me to talk dirty in detail. It’s odd for me. But like you said, spontaneously for me is no problem as well. I feel like I have to force it.

Ugh, that’s part of what makes it, for me. We talk to each other (mostly me). It’s incredibly hot. Sex is a physical, as well as a mental thing.

I don’t know what to say. I wish that I could help.

@Pele I think a big part of it for me, is that everything you can say sounds so “cliche” and corny. Maybe try starting out with less raunchy and typical porno type lines, and work your way up from there?

Would reading erotica help?

@Jude Me too. Even when I’m not loud, I’m very vocal. Unless, of course, the sex is really bad, and then I’m just moderately vocal.

@ANef_is_Enuf You’re so right on, it’s the cliche sounding stuff that trips me up.

I can say what I want. He wants it spoken more vividly, and it’s hard to do. I crack up.

Not sure whether it’s fear that’s keeping you as much as not just being in the moment based on your organic personality. Chances are it will never work if you fail to meet your guy’s expectations. It’s not only what words you utter but also how your body moves as you say them and what he thinks is going in your head as you talk dirty. These are factors that you need to understand if you wish to knock his brains out in bed.

So how to be in the moment? You said you can text dirty and talk dirty on the phone. If you are able to do that with whilst being extremely aroused ( exactly what a post above said ) then merely duplicate same hormonal conditions in bed. Figure out why it’s different when you are together physically. Some people can’t do it because there is no more element of teasing and anonymity and hiding your inner animal. Familiarity has ruined it for them.

How about sipping some wine before bed play? Or doing it in total darkness? Also, visualize him as your “prey to be disrespected” not the man you care about, at least while doing it. Then maybe those words will be said and be uttered with enough conviction that will fulfill the fantasy for him.

We do have amazing sex. Crazy amazing sex, alot. This extra dirty talk thing only came about recently. I would like to fulfill what he wants.
@mazingerz88 I’m not sure if I need wine or darkness. I’m totally comfortable with him. It’s a matter of myself being comfortable with the dirty talk.
Maybe it’s becuase he wants to start with dirty talk and he should just meet me halfway. Dirty talk is easy through text and phone for me because it paints an image but when we are together I don’t see the reason to tell him what to do. Then it’s physical.

The more you talk and think dirty the easier it get and the less you will giggle about it!!

@Pele Surely I’m no authority on the matter but maybe guys go through this phase of getting really turned on with dirty talk once in a while. Maybe he feels more desired if he hears you specifying to suck this and that. Maybe he is turned on more when you are being slutty aka dirty talker. Maybe.

But I’m a guy. Let’s wait till a woman jelly to post something on how she went through the same and successfully adjusted to it. That will be interesting.

@mazingerz88 yeah true

@mazingerz88 Guys are more verbal and visual. @Pele If you want to really mess with him a blindfold also comes in handy for just this reason.

Why do you have to force yourself to do something you don’t enjoy? We find certain things appealing or unappealing in sex for a reason. Sometimes we don’t consciously know what the reason is, but the explanation is there somewhere in the back of our minds. But at the end of the day, it is what it is, why force it? You can please him in other ways that you both enjoy and feel comfortable with. I dislike it very much when my partner does something to me just because I like it but he is not into it, I’d much rather do stuff that I know he is enjoying it too.

@Porifera It’s not like that, I want to talk dirty. The reason for my question is that I want to. I just asked for some advice. It’s not a total joy kill. I just get out of the moment…momentarily. I want advice because I want to jump all into my relationship. I want to please him as he pleases me. He’s a total sweet heart too. I’m willing to try my best…. geez

@Adirondackwannabe huh… that could be good practice. If he’s blind folded I would have to talk dirty in detail. hmm

@Pele I’m thinking taking turns with the blindfold and the talking. Describing exactly what you’re going to do and how it feels to do it. Or how it feels to receive it might be fun.

it’s way easier if he’s blindfolded ;)

@Pele No geez necessary…I totally get you. To each their own :) I was just saying because I don’t know how old you are and I remember when I was very young I would do stuff I wasn’t into just to please. As I’ve gotten older I know that is OK not to force myself to do stuff I don’t really like.

That said, then, set the mood, close your eyes, take a deep breath, get totally into the moment, do it by steps, try to remember some of the stuff you say you write or text, the first time say a couple of things, the next time, say more things and so on. You have the motivation, now take it into action, good luck!

Close your eyes (not forcefully, that would maybe take your concentration from the talking, but gently squeezing them shut) while doing the dirty talk.
It could work for you, try it!

@rebbel Jinx!

@Porifera I hope we wrote our answers simultaneously otherwise i would feel like an ass.
I thought i read all answers before i wrote mine, like i always do.
Jinx anyway!

Have sex in the kitchen instead…yeah baby yeah! ;¬}

@rebbel LOL we did write at the very same time. I saw your preparing your answer window when I was writing mine ;) either that or we could well be a couuple of chumps that make love with our eyes closed :))

Next time he asks you to tell him what you want, tell him: fix the rain gutters, unplug the downstairs toilet, replace the kitchen sink backsplash, sharpen the mower blades, paint the ceiling.
Oh wait! You’re not married. Never mind.

it’s easy, just say what you are doing outloud while you are doing it and preface it with “I love it when,” or “do you like it when.”

That will be a great and easy start… and it works!

Thank you jellys for all your helpful advice and GA’s :)