(NSFW?) Can you give me a mock session of how you would tell a child where babies come from?

Sexual reproduction is one of the two major ways, along with asexual reproduction, that plants and animals create offspring and thus propagate the species. Critical to sexual reproduction is the process of fertilization, whereby the male and female sex cells fuse, or bond. Fertilization may be of two types, either internal or external, and though humans normally fertilize by the first of those means, they may use the second, in the form of in vitro fertilization. Humans, of course, have by far the most complicated reproductive process, inasmuch as it is surrounded by a vast societal, interpersonal, and moral framework that is not a factor in animal reproduction. Part of that framework is the activity that precedes sexual reproduction: attraction, courtship, and so forth. Although no other animal’s courtship rituals rival those of humans for sophistication, some of them are quite impressive in their complexity.

It really depend on the age of the child, at 3 my child has already begun to ask so we have little discussions and over time we will build on it. It will always be an open dissusion topic between us. Never any hidden secrets everything will be revealed in time as she grows and asks.

Sometimes, when mommy and daddy had a fight daddy wants to make up with mommy and suggests sexy time
Mommy falls for it and they coite what you say, is that a non-existing word? and mommy grows a Barbie or an Action Man in her belly.
You are our seventh Action Man…

@rebbel,
Hahaha. Exactly the kind of answer I was looking for. :D

When mommy and daddy are in the kitchen together, they have a habit of making cake. Now this is a very special cake. This cake uses a special batter called baby batter, and when you see mommy holding the bowl, and daddy using the mixer, they’re mixing the baby batter. And once its all mixed, they stick the baby batter in a special pan, and bake it at 98 degrees F. in the oven for nine months.
But if they don’t do it right, the baby looks funny, kinda like you!

@shego,
Genius!!!

They are found at the train station,Junior,and if you ask me that again,I will drop you off there. ;)

@lucillelucillelucille Fucking awesome answer!!!!!

@Adirondackwannabe When do I pick up my “Mother of the Year” award? XD

Look in the meta section.

Thanks @AshLeigh

You see the garden in the backyard? Ok, so mommy and daddy go to the garden store and get cabbage seeds. They plant them in a little pot, just like the ones you see flowers in.Then when the seeds start to sprout, they move the cabbages into a bigger containers (the reasons I say cabbages, is because some of them don’t survive the transplant). Then when the cabbages are ready, they look to see which one has the cutest face. Then they pick that cabbage out of the ground, and there’s their baby. Though, I really don’t know what happens to the other cabbage babies that don’t get picked

I’d be upfront and honest. The man and the woman make love, and the woman produces an egg, which the man fertilizes and the result is an embryo that grows in the woman into a baby. Kids have pretty good bullshit detectors.

Here’s what my dad told me.

Mom and I were out walking in the woods and we heard this little crying sound and looked up. You were sitting in a tree and looked so sad and we asked if we could take you home with us. You rode home on my shoulder and had the most magnificent furry tail. But we had it removed because it got in the way, sorry.

I accepted it all except the tail part. I was pissed they had it removed.

@redfeather. Yup, you and a piece of tail. What doesn’t go with that.

Heeeeeeeyyyyyyyyy :( hmph.

@redfeather that is the most adorable tale! We ‘awwwww’d a lot!

I’d go for the Stork approach.

“And if you misbehave, parents can return their kids to the Stork. That’s why we kept his number and your receipt. Good night, love you!”

I haven’t decided what i’ll tell my kid. My psych teacher said kids ask and you can just tell them simply and the older they get the more details they’ll want. Like, if they’re 4 or so you can say, “we wanted a baby so daddy put a baby seed in my tummy and you started growing.” then they’ll just accept it and keep playing.

We just went through this with our 5yr old (now 6yr old) son. I bought 2 books to help answer his questions.

One book is called The Birds and the Bees and the other is How Babies Are Made

Both books are out of print, but are worth the time to find and money to own. We don’t choose to lie about how nature works. Both books have artwork depicting how the fertilized eggs get implanted in various animals and reptiles.

Our son came to us with specific questions. We gave specific answers.

Depending on the age. If they are very young. I just say women get pregnant when mommies and daddy’s are so good to each other and there love is so much that it makes a baby in mommy’s tummy as she sleeps. But it only happens to full grown mommy’s and daddy’s.
That held my kids for a while. Never say more than what they want to know.
When my kids were a bit older and would watch discovery channel and see two animals mating and ask me what were they doing, than I would tell them they were making a baby.
Then they pretty much figured that is what we all do.
Later when they were ready they would ask me why and how did that produce a baby and I explained the man had sperm and the woman would have an egg and when they both got together, it would make a baby.

Ok! I’ve got to share this joke…
So, daddy and son are taking a walk when the son spots two dogs mating on the street, so lil’ Joey askes his dad “what are they doing”? To which Dad replies, “they’re making a puppy, son”.
Later that night, little Joey walks into his parents rm and finds them in a missionary position and inquires what are They doing? Dad, remembering the earlier walk replies “we’re making a brother/sister for you…”. Without skipping a beat, Joey yells, “turn her over Dad! I want a puppy instead!”

True story: I told my identical twins that I slogged 2 miles through mud to the back of the cabbage field to find them. I even have an Anne Geddes picture of two babies dressed up like cabbages. The girls thought they were their baby pictures until the teacher at school made them bring a picture from home. Looking back on it, I wish I had sent in the Anne Geddes picture. In this slideshow it’s frame 11. http://www.annegeddes.com/modules/anne/galleries/browse.aspx?pi_galleryid=8

By the way, my girls love the story! (They’re 23 now).

My kid knows (the oldest, he’s 5 today) that I gave birth to him, that he came out of my vagina, that he was tiny tiny before he grew and that my ex-husband is his bio-dad and my husband is his dad. He doesn’t know much about people having sex because it hasn’t come up and he never asked about babies so I didn’t really ever talk to him about sex (though we’ve covered many much more controversial topics). I’ve been thinking to tell him kind of soon-ish anyway ‘cause I think he’ll definitely get what I’m saying. In my description of sex, you’ll never hear it be about a man or a woman or hugs or marriage…it’s going to be about two or more people (of any sex or gender) doing physical things to each other (as adults) for pleasure, intimacy and sometimes babies. Then I will say that most bodies produce either sperm or eggs and that when a sperm and an egg meet (either inside a body or in a petri dish), sometimes a baby can form and for the first 9 or so months it will be in need of a body to live in and how he and his brother lived in me until they could breathe on their own, etc.

I just told my kids they come from mammy’s tummy…..how they got there….fuck only knows!

When a daddy gets a mommy drunk a does something he’ll regret for the rest of his life, something terrible happens, yeah, that’s right kid, YOU. The only pleasure I got from you was when you made your mom scream when she punted you out of her vagina. Damn it, why didn’t we just have an abortion?

It just randomly happens, like cancer or something.