Does anyone on Fluther have experience as a foster parent?

I have experience as a foster parent of two beautiful girls.

I have to say the screening is well worth it to care for the kids and its required so to weed out those that have issues in their past which oculd potentially risk a child’s safety. I had to be fingerprinted, cleared by the fbi, show my financial statements to prove I could financially take care of myself, get 3 letters of reference, go though a certaim amount of hours of training because raising a foster child can be different than one of your own, they have seen and been through things that could make the hair on your arms stand straight up.

I went into this with the expectation that I would see many come and go in my home but the first 2 girls placed with me never went home. I didn’t go into it with the hopes of adopting but with the want of helping kids at a time in their lives when they needed it. The first little one placed with me is now 3 she is the light of my life and has been with me since she was only 3 mths old. She was born addicted to drugs and spent the first month of her life in the hospital because she couldn’t hold down food because of the withdrawals then was moved to a special nursery where they help wein them from the drugs. She was still on a medication to help wiht the detoxing when I got her but she was over the worse of it. But now at 3 she is a happy healthy, smart little girl whom you would never know she went through such a hard start with life. My second I picked up at a mere 2 weeks old directly from the hospital (did you know that as different times there are actually many babies just waiting for some to take them home from the hospital because they were put into foster care at birth and have now placement) Well she came with a lot of genetic medical issues that slowly crept up on us one issue at a time. When it was getting alot I let the deparment know to start looking for a more suitable home since I was a single person and had to work and she needed a 2 person family which required someone to be home with her with all her medical issues. What would have happened if I didn’t keep her is that they would have put her in an institution for the rest of her life. Which is really sad to think about so I could bear to see that happen to an innocent child whom I already loved so I decided to keep her. I ended up loosing my job but did get a decent adoption subsidy for her which we primarily live on. My older one that I have had going on 3 years 8/29 will be adopted officially on 8/1 by myself I am so excitied to have her be an official part of my family not that she was already because she is. My youngest was adopted at just a little over a year old last year on June 30th.

A friend of mine had 7 foster children in and out of her home before she adopted the child she has now but she went into it with the hopes of adopting but they all were either reunified with their bio-parent or were placed with a family member.

I say go for it, but be prepared to fall in love and want to adopt them especially if they are with you a while, you can’t help but love them. I know I can’t. All of the background checks and everything you go through is well worth making a difference in a childs life.

As a former foster child, thank you to everyone who has done this or is considering it. Without you folks, I wouldn’t be who I am.

creative 1 I am really amazed at your story and thank you so much for sharing it! Congratulations on the adoption being finalized soon. You must be so excited. I’m happy for you and I admire you so much because I can imagine that it required a very giving heart and most certainly a lot of sacrifice on your part. I think the background checks are so essential to protecting the children. One gets the impression that the checks are not strict enought from some of the stories you read in the paper about bad foster parents. It is nice to hear of a happy story from a good parent!

Each case is different. I suggest you attend an orientation meeting in your area. Many agencies believe that leaving a child in the same home too long makes them grow too fond of the family, so they are moved frequently.

Many years ago, I was an emergency foster care provider. I got children from Friday night until Monday morning, when the courts opened and they could get a hearing to be placed in a permanent setting. Most of the children were brought to me by the police, after their parents were arrested on drug related charges.

Step-parent, but not “Foster-Parent.”

My step-daughter was a foster child. She was in 3 foster homes, and a group home.
The first foster parents were good and decent people, genuinely trying to help. They were horrified by my step-daughter. The other two sets of foster parents were just in it for the money, and didn’t give any guidence or help to my step-daughter, which was exactly what she wanted… no one watching over her.
My wife had been a foster child, and we considered becoming foster parents when our own kids were grown, but the experience we had with my step-daughter, her foster parents, and the other kids in those homes caused us to change our minds.

I have been a foster parent. I also adopted a child I fostered due to a very unique situation. Being a foster parent is very rewarding, but also very emotionally difficult at times. You can’t go into fostering thinking you are going to “save” the child. I knew going in that the number one goal of the state is to reunite the child with the mother/parents. Yet, with that knowledge firmly planted in my mind; there were many, many times my heart didn’t want to let go. That was really tough and where lots of faith and prayers came in for me.

I have a niece who, like @YARNLADY, does emergency foster care. She and her husband are wonderful and loving people. She has told me stories that that have ripped my heart in two and stories that have healed my heart. Fostering isn’t something to be taken lightly. You can’t go into it thinking you are going to adopt every child you give temporary care to in your home. If you do, you are setting yourself up for some real heartbreak and disappointment. If you want to adopt, look into adoption.

If you can give a child or teenager unconditional love on a short-term or longterm basis without making judgement calls on their situation or how they got in their situation; and without losing your mind when they leave your care, you may be a candidate for some exceptional experiences with fostering children and teens in your home.

@bkcunningham The really sad thing about this is that it isn’t just teens that need homes, there are so so many young children out there that are stuck in shelters or newborns sitting at the hospital just waiting for placement to find them a place to go. When you think of foster care the first thing that comes to mind is a teenager that has had a hard life and pulled later but the unfortunate fact is that there are so so many really young children out there too needing a place to call home even if its temporary until their biological parents get their act together. For both of my girls I worked with the parents to try to help them get them back but unfortunately in my older daughters situation the drugs and the prostitution won over her and for my younger daughter her biological mother had the same sort of genetic mental delays she is going to have just in a slightly milder form and she just was not equiped with the mental capacity of raising a child especially one with complex medical conditions. My younger daughter’s biological mother made the decision on her own to do whats called a direct consent adoption with me and we did it as an open adoption so that she gets to see her at least 4 times a year. I give her picture of her and everything and keep her updated on her progress. I have also been able to help her get diagnosed with some of the medical conditions that the baby has. I look at it as this was nothing she did to herself and I try to help where I can, she has now asked me to go to her primary care with her to explain some of the things they need to be looking at that go with her rare genetic disorder and I told her I would do that for her.

Unfortunately my older daughter I am not able to do the open type of adoption with because over the time I had her at one point of it her biological mother had made threats to have me hurt so I have had to put my distance between us. I tried so hard in the begining to see her reunified but unfortuantely drugs play a big part in her life and have done so much damage to her over the years. One thing I have fought for from the state is getting my daughters heritage she is native american and it has been a fight to get them to recognize this because they know they were stepping on her biological mother rights and the tribes rights by not following through with this. We won our battle in court only just last week and they have know recognized her has native american now it will be getting her grandmothers history from them which they have in order to track down which tribe she belongs to so I can see if she can be registered with them. I can’t give her visits with her bio mom like I can my younger one but we can learn about her heritage and visit her tribe once we establish everything.

The way I look at it these kids have had no say in what circumstances they were born into but we as adults can provide them with the best of life has to offer and show them life can be wonderful.

Though my older one has been in the foster care system for 3 years she doesn’t realize it, she has really only known me and my family as her family and she is really a wonderfully well adjusted little girl. You would never know by speaking to her that she was in the foster care system, I have been able to sheild her from all the horrors and have taken on the roller coaster ride of the ups and downs of it on to my shoulders for her. So if you do decide to become a foster parent I would recommend not letting the child in your care get on the roller coaster ride of the ups and downs. Never let them see you upset by any of it, let out your frustrations of the system away from the child.

@YARNLADY That was how they used to feel but in the 90’s they started to change their ways on how they feel about placing children in stable homes. They found moving them was causing more issues with them being able to bond with anyone. They ended up with different disorders from being moved too much and not having someone they could count on. Now the system would rather see the foster parent remain the same one through the entire case and many time if the child needs to be pulled a second time they will put them with the same foster parents if at all possible. They also will encourage the foster family to adopt if the child is unable to be reunified especially if he child identifies themselves as part of their family.

I work in Social Services and have worked in the Adoption Unit. The goal in the county I work in is to have children with families for as long as possible, not to move them around. There are families for emergency situations, meaning after the regular work day and the weekends. Families are carefully screened and go through extensive training. As it is one of the most wealthy counties in the country, they pay very well. Pay goes according to the age and any disabilities the child might have. Some people have gotten to be fairly well off from being foster parents, due to the subsidy, but nobody should do it just for that, as it is a real commitment of your emotions, time and effort (bringing the child to visits with their parent, bringing the child to doctor or therapy, ensuring that the child is attending school and dealing with that), plus all the things that a regular parent does.

The other day, at work, at 5 pm, I heard on the loudspeaker “CPS (Child Protective Services) Supervisor to the front. A mother is here to surrender her daughter. I was thinking how sad: if it’s a young child, to be put into the System is not only sad, but they may not understand why they’re being taken away from their mommy. If it’s an older child, how sad to be brought to an office and understand your mom doesn’t want you. I know in a situation like that, they will try to talk to the parent and see if she has any relatives or friends that can take the child, but if not, they will call on one of the emergency families to do it, at least temporarily. It will result in a Neglect Petition against the mother.

I’m glad to hear the system has changed for the better.

I know no one is getting rich in the state I live in, they are the lowest paid foster parents in the country. The little bit I get as a subsidy is ¼ of what I used to make and when I was working full-time before we finally got the amount raised based on her medical needs and it wasn’t until my job was giving me an ultimatum because my fmla ran out and it was go back to work full time or not at all and at the time the baby couldn’t go to daycare because her immune system was taken down because of medication to get rid of her seizures. I had to tell them I had to give her back because I had no way to support myself or the girls based on the little bit I got from the state, mind you the full amount always went to the girls and part of my pay check did too, to pay for all the things a baby needs quite regularly because they don’t give you enough to support the child fully. So please @jca don’t make it sound like people are becoming wealthy because the state decides to give a drop in a big bucket.

@creative1: “so please @jca don’t make it sound like people are becoming wealthy because the state decides to give a drop in a big bucket.” I am telling you what I know based upon seeing checks and talking to the foster parents, and seeing the homes they live in and not holding down a job at all, other than being foster parents. Again, the county I work in is ONE OF THE WEALTHIEST COUNTIES IN THE COUNTRY. Therefore, they pay very well for children with medical needs or special education needs, and also, pay more for emergency situations and babies (the younger the child, the more they pay). I am not saying all of them do it for the money, but people that live near me, in another county than where I work, will foster children from the wealthy county rather than the one I live in, because this county pays less.

So please, @creative1, don’t hold a grudge or make assumptions because you live in a state where they are the lowest paid foster parents in the country.

I didn’t do it for the money. That is laughable. I also know many, many others like myself who fostered children out of love and compassion. Certainly not for the small stipend we received. But, @jca, to be fair, I do know some real sleezeballs who take in children for the money. Apparently, it is rather lucrative.

@bkcunningham: I’m sure there are lots of loving foster parents who do it out of the goodness of their hearts, money or no money.

I’m sure there are also lots who, if the approximately one thousand dollars per month they get (again, I speak only of the county I work in), plus public assistance and food stamps (on behalf of the child), plus mileage for driving the child to visits, appts, etc., were taken away, would drop the whole foster parent thing like a hot potato.

Again, I speak about only the county I work in, where being a foster parent is quite lucrative. Again, this is not speculation, this is based upon speaking to them and seeing their homes, plus seeing the checks that are cut monthly.

I’m not saying it’s easy to be a foster parent, and I’m not saying it’s not worth every bit of money they get, where ever they do it and whatever amount of money it is, I am just saying that it can be profitable, and once again, I refer to the county I work in only, because that’s what I know of. I can’t speak for Iowa or Oklahoma or Alabama or any where else.

Oh, I believe you @jca. Like I said, I’ve seen it firsthand too. I understand exactly what you mean.