I'm going to put up a sign on my back door regarding my cell phone rules for visitors. Do you think this is a good idea?

Whoa, there. They got cell phones in Kansas?

I was in a little sub place here in Florida a few days ago. At the register, there was a sign that said, “If you are talking on your cellphone or texting while placing your order, we will be courteous and not interrupt your conversation. We will serve the next person in line.” I love that!

I agree with you (my niece and nephew do it), but once it’s in writing, it now officially becomes a “thing”. Is this really the sword you want to die on?

How bout initiating a full blown TSA pat down complete with x-ray and sniffing dogs at the door too?

Haha…sic’em Dutchess!

I tell ya, I’m a rare bird, half the time I turn the ringers off…I control my phones, they don’t control me!

Well, just looking at the text, my first question would be upon entering your home: What do you consider to be cell phone etiquette? Different people have different ideas on various etiquette, and it’s entirely possible that those texting in front of you don’t see what they’re doing as a breach in etiquette, so it wouldn’t really solve anything. And are there exceptions – for example, if your niece is over, and she’s texting her brother (your nephew) about where to meet the two of you in a couple hours to grab some dinner, is that ok?

In addition, I think signs can make a place seem more hostile than it really is. It gives the impression that this is, as @cprevite puts it, the sword you want to die on, making it seem like an even bigger deal than it really is. So then it might cut down on the texting, but that might also be in part because people just aren’t as interested in coming over. I’d personally find it really off-putting, and be less interested in going over to that house to hang out with people I care about.

Have you considered just talking to them about it? Saying something like “I’d really appreciate it if you didn’t do that while over here”? I think there’s a way to set this boundary firmly but gently.

I think signs with rules on them are for public places like government buildings, etc. Not for people’s houses that others might like to visit for fun. I think a sign with cell phone rules sends off a hostile vibe.

With relatives, talk to them about it and tell them you’d rather they didn’t use their cell phones while talking to you. Although it is rude, you don’t have to say that. It’s your home. I see it as more like a “I’d rather you didn’t smoke in the house.” Other guests are a little harder. You can just excuse yourself and walk out of the room. Get busy doing something else. Maybe they’ll get the message if they have to come and find you. In a group, I find that most people excuse themselves and take the phone out of the room.

The sign is a bit strong. Don’t give them an excuse not to visit.
When that happens, I usually stop the discussion and say something that points out the issue. “Can you hear over this noise?” “How is Janet doing?” “Was he the father?” “What data plan are you using? It must cost a fortune.” Or my favorite: “Are you winning?”
If you are trying to draw a teenager or early 20s into the conversation about “quilting”, forget it. Let them zone out. It is rude, but they do not know any better. Get them involved in the activities. Cut vegetables, collect dishes, wash , move a piece of furniture, something.

Back in the stone age, before texting, we used to let our minds wander when bored. That skill has been lost.

It depends. If it’s your actual adult friends who are doing it, tell them you think it’s rude. If it’s their kids, who have been dragged along when they’re really rather be anywhere else but have to go because their parents insist, let them do it.

Either way I think a sign is even more rude than the cellphone use. You should just talk to them and ask them not to do it.

I think your cellphone sign is right on the money.

I would also like to include a sign on each restaurant front door.

I go to a restaurant to enjoy a meal, NOT to listen to someone’s personal telephone conversation.

May I ask a question- is this happening with everyone who visits or only specific people? Are they friends, younger family, older family?

My sister had this same issue- every time we went out to eat shed be texting different people and talking on the phone at the table. After enduring it for a few trips the next time she asked me to go out I told her I didn’t want to go if she was going to ignore me and be on her phone. We had a conversation about table etiquette and phones and she hasn’t done it since.

I think a conversation would be better than a sign.

I think your sign is too wordy/preachy/unwelcoming. It comes across like a sign I saw: “Welcome to your public park! NO fishing. NO swimming. NO camping. NO boating. ENJOY!”

It’s no more rude to ask guests to turn off phones than it is to ask them to remove their shoes in your home, but there’s a nicer way to do it. If you must go with a sign, I would simply say “Please use cell phones outside.”

@Blueroses Well, there IS no boating at my house! Bathtub just isn’t that big!

I’ve gently given my kids the picture. And my husband, albeit but not so gently. I told HIM, in no uncertain terms, “Take the damn phone in the other room!!!” We don’t have that problem any more. There is just one particular person I just don’t feel free to address. But you guys are right…the sign is kind of harsh. I was kind of pissed when I posted it last night. We were trying to watch a movie and this person was engaged in a rather loud conversation on the phone with her boyfriend while sitting on the couch next to me. I don’t get it.

Maybe I could write to Dear Abby and post THAT on the door!

@Dutchess_III: in the specific situation of someone on the phone while you’re watching a movie, I would pause it and hope that they got the hint. If they did not get the hint, I would ask them to take the call in another room. I could see being pissed for that. I cannot see putting the sign up so all of your guests could share the blame for that one person. If others text or talk, I would deal with each situation on an individual basis (probably in a gentle, joking manner and hopefully that works – that’s my way).

I think phones are inexcusable at the table, no matter in someone’s house or at a restaurant.

We’ve gone from a time where if there was an emergency, people would find you by hunting you down. Now with cell phones and texting, everyone is waiting for those emergency calls as an excuse to be reachable all the time.

It’s good to hear that you’ve calmed down a bit. Let’s face it…the times have changed since the days when cell phones and texting didn’t exist. Now that there is more information on the specific example, I agree with @jca. Just pause the movie. You could also step out of the room if she doesn’t. It is a tacit way of displaying proper etiquette.

In the meantime, while you are still cooling off, you might enjoy (NSFW: language content) this video called ‘Don’t Talk’. Before you do though, here is the background: a young woman got the boot from a Texas theater for cell phone usage during the movie. Later, she called the theater and left this message on their voice-mail. The theater then turned the call into a reminder for viewers that gets shown before the movie starts.

Yes, that is exactly what I should have done. Problem is, it’s my husband’s daughter…. although she’s 38 I don’t feel comfortable “correcting” her when my husband is sitting right there. I’ll get some guts up though. Just wait and see! Wait…I know…I’ll just set an example. I’ll instruct someone to call me, and I’ll make a point of excusing myself and going in the other room. Can’t get in trouble for that!! Yay!

Now. What are we going to do about my sore tooth?

And YES @bob_! They have cell phones in Kansas! We just don’t got no cell towers is all.

@Pied_Pfeffer I listened to it…that was GREAT! I love how they misspelled the words to follow her mis-pronunciations!

@Pied_Pfeffer Alamo Drafthouse theater is the BEST!

I have seen dining establishments put up signs at the counter saying please do not use cell phones while in line or ordering at the counter. So you’re request is not unreasonable. However…posting it on your door is a little odd. You could post it inside your house and title it, “Rules of this household.” in bold and caps. You need to make the rules sound funny and quirky, instead of serious.

Such as, no cell phone calls or texting. Violaters will be banished to the bad room.

It’s lighthearted but yet still gets the point across. If people continue to ignore your rules, then you shouldn’t be inviting them over and they’re not really your friends.

Yep…Post it @Dutchess_III.

@AshlynM In this case, it was step family…

No, I think if it happens again @SpatzieLover I will either
1) pause the movie so that her conversation won’t be strained for the person she’s talking to (she tends to call us too, with the TV blaring in the back ground…so annoying)
or
2) Have a prearranged text ready to go for someone to call me and I’ll make a point of excusing myself to another room so I won’t disturb anyone. One or the other should do it. Like I said, the hard part is, it’s my husband’s daughter. If I pause the movie he will have to be complicit in it. So I think option #2 is best.

@Dutchess_III, it is your home. Maybe I missed something here. You are going to stop a movie and wait until someone gets off the phone? If someone called me when I was at your house watching a movie, I’d either ignore the call or answer and say, “Excuse me, I’ll call you back later. I’m watching a movie with my family.” Why should you have to be inconvenienced for someone’s phone call. Take it outside. That’s the polite thing to do.

It is a touchy situation. My Dad would turn the volume up on the movie until whomever was on the phone would be forced to take the call outside. Remember back in the day when people had the little telephone table? It was in a place where you had privacy. You weren’t disturbed and you didn’t disturb anyone when you took or made a call.

@bkcunningham Pausing the movie would be a form of exaggerated sarcastic courtesy that you’d have to have the brain of a gold fish to miss. And of course it’s the polite thing to do, which is what pausing the movie should get across.

Again, it is my husband’s daughter. If HE chose to turn up the volume, go for it. I just feel it could cause some tension if I did it.

Yes, I remember the landline days and I freaking MISS them! A person didn’t have a choice where they went to answer the phone, and if people were around, near the phone, they’d all be saying, “Sush! Mary’s on the phone!” and Mary would keep the call short. Because you can guarantee that while everyone was being polite in keeping the noise down, they were also listening to every word you said! You felt like you were on stage!

@bkcunningham: the purpose of the phone table was that the phone had a cord and you could not go far attached to the cord. So the phone table was a place you could sit, when tethered to the wall.

@jca Well, yes. She knows that. That’s why we all minded our manners if we were within a certain distance of the phone and someone answered it or had to take the call (either quieted down or, if it was turning into a long, call leave the area.) With cell phones, though, we need to re-write the manners book, apparently.

@Dutchess_III: with changing technology comes changing etiquette.

@jca I think I might agree with your latest answer and would like to hear more on what you mean by it.

I’m sorry @Dutchess_III, I’m afraid I know too many people without any knowledge of manners and courtesy, or at least a brain too small to care. If you paused it once to make a point, they’d think, “Cool. Could you pause it again while I take my fourth call of the evening in your home.”

About seven years ago, we flew my stepdaughter – who was 18 at the time- to Rhode Island to spend Christmas with us. She was on the phone constantly and apparently felt compelled to share the conversation with all of us. I was newly married to her father and, like you, didn’t want to be offensive in this new relationship. Her sister who is older asked her to hangup many times.

When Christmas dinner was on the table, her phone rang and she took the call. Her father had asked her a dozen times; during board games, shopping, movies at home, conversations, to please get off the phone. I could see his face and knew I had to step in on this one. I walked over to her, smiled and held my hand out asking to say hello to this guy she’d been talking to since her arrival. I said, “Merry Christmas. Sounds like Santa was good to you and I look forward to meeting you one day. You sound great. Pammie is just sitting down to dinner and we are ready to eat. She will call you back in about three hours. Merry Christmas.” He was very nice and said okay and Merry Christmas.

I handed the phone back to her. She smiled said goodbye and apologized. Our relationship sucks but not because of this incident. I don’t care. But she knows not to talk during dinner at my house.

Well, no one has ever accused many 18 year olds of being unselfish and bright! I’d prefer to go with the tactful route first in this instance. As I said, I’d need to be careful not to create tensions in the family. Besides, how long had you been in your stepdaughter’s life? Long enough to have assumed the authoritative Mother position?

I’ve been in her life going on 8 years. She was 18 when I married her father. She’s 25 now. She’s a good kid. Just pretty self-centered.