I think my boyfriend is unhappy and doesn't want to tell me. What should I do?

IMO I think you are reading much to much into that one night. He/you are used to sleeping alone and falling asleep with another in your bed is an adjustment and does take time to adjust. I would though talk to him about the medicines so you know what he and you are dealing with in that department.

Many people who have anxiety issues also have issues with trusting people and opening up to them. So maybe he hasn’t told you because he’s not comfortable telling with sharing that info, not because you’re you, but because your another person.

I really wouldn’t worry about it, and it’s almost definitely not about you. If you want to say something, you could say “If you want to talk, about anything, I’m always here” (although, only say that if you really mean it). But otherwise, he’ll tell you when he’s ready.

If the problem was you than he wouldn’t have held you to reassure you. I would just assure him that if he is having any problems, whether its work, or health, or even yourself, that you would like to be his sound board. You don’t even have to offer a solution if he doesnt’ want it, but that you’ll gladly listen if he needs to vent.
Every once in a while my husband may get moody and I think its me and it turns out to be work. I remind him its ok to vent and when he does, he usually feels better because he knows he has someone who can either be there to listen or even offer another point of view to a problem.

I say this, “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it”.

You may be entirely off the beaten path with your beliefs. I would just let it go, until something further arouses your curiosity.

I definetely would inquire about his anxiety medication and what it used for.

If he did not mention them you should not ask. Those pills could be for someone else.
And if he does not mention them maybe he does not trust you enough.

I’d say just wait and don’t rush into conclusions. Looks are always deceiving.

Communication is the key to relationship contentment. If you are leaping to conclusions, you will have trust issues. Either you can talk to him about your concerns or you can let things play out.

I don’t think it’s you – I think he’s revealing to you his habits, which is nice.

Why do you think that you are the center of the universe? It probably has nothing to do with you.

Stop obsessing. Take him at his word.

The only person who knows is your boyfriend. Ask him. I think you want to do this, anyway. You can’t build trust if you don’t share yourself—deeply.

I don’t want to invalidate your feelings or make a joke of what you’re feeling and saying, but… you did remind me of a great joke about the difference between men and women. I saw it in a great cartoon once (maybe someone else is familiar with it or will have better luck searching for it than I did, and will post a link). I’ll just try to explain it:

Her diary entry: “Hmm… Bob was pretty silent at dinner tonight. So I tried giving him his space, and being unobtrusive. While we were watching TV later, I cuddled with him but I could still feel a strange distance and tenseness in him. I gave him a back and neck massage, and then we kissed. Heaven! What a fantastic kisser he is… but I still felt an unbridgable distance. We kept touching each other, though, and eventually I let him take me to bed and make wild and passionate love to me. I wanted to talk afterward, but he just fell asleep! I’m heartbroken. Are we breaking up, and he’s just trying to find a way to tell me?”

His diary entry: Bears lost today on a last-second field goal. Man, I hate losing to the Packers. On the plus side, I got laid tonight.

I’m with those who consider that you are far too obsessive about this, and over-thinking it from a point of view that really excludes him. Take him at his word, unless he gives clear and strong evidence that you shouldn’t.

I think of he has anxiety medication to pop, his troubles began way before you. Most people don’t get a script for benzos because the girl they have been dating a couple months is troubling them.

You asked him if everything is ok. Now give him a few days, maybe he needs to still work up some courage to reveal to you what is troubling him. If nothing is said for a week or two, then I suggest bringing it up again at a neutral time, and try to have a discussion. Tell im you care about the relationship and him, and wold like to be ale to have open commnication if he is ready for it. If he wants to maintain a part of his life private and not reveal certain things to you, then you have to decide if you can live with it, I couldn’t it.

It doesn’t sound like you are the cause of the problem, because he already had the prescription for the pills. Because they were out on the counter and you didn’t dig them out of a drawer (like snooping) I would just ask, “Hey Mark is that your prescription for ___?”

He will either say yes or no. If he says yes, then you could add, “Is it OK for you to take that with Benadryl? I know Benadryl sometimes causes reactions with other meds.” This way, you’re just laying it all out matter of factly, not accusing him of anything weird.

He will either say, no that it’s not his medication (which it may not be, if you know he has roomates). If he doesn’t have roomates, and he says no, then he is probably embarrassed and doesn’t want you to know about his anxiety meds.

Or he will say yes, that it’s his medication and let you know whether it’s OK to take them together or not, and hopefully he will let you know why he’s taking them. If he doesn’t immediately tell you why, I think it’s perfectly OK to politely ask him what he takes the meds for. If he doesn’t want to tell you, then you may have to wait awhile, until he’s a little more comfortable with you to ask again.

Some people are very open about the meds they take and other people are not. If he doesn’t want you to know about the meds, then he might act defensive or he might just not give you any info. If you really do think the meds are his, but he’s telling you that they aren’t, you just need to pay attention to his behavior and see if there’s anything going on that might be a problem for your relationship if you keep seeing him. Even if he’s on meds, everything can work out perfectly fine as long as he’s on the right dosage and he’s being treated by a doctor. But if he does take medication and he tries to hide that fact from you, after you go out for a little bit more time, then you should politely bring it up again, simply for the fact that if you will be together, it’s important that you know what kinds of meds your SO takes for safety reasons (not judgemental reasons).

A good relationship is based on good, honest communication, but it is also based on trust and compassion and politeness and that goes both ways. So don’t panic and just ask him and then go from there. Good luck : )

I actually would suggest not asking him about the pills. It’s none of your business. If he wanted you to know, then he’d tell you. But he didn’t, so give him the same courtesy you would if it read Ritalin or Seroquel, because being habit-forming doesn’t actually make it any more your business. You usually don’t get those pills without having a good conversation with your doctor first, so then it just comes across as him having to justify his medical treatment to you. And if he hasn’t done anything other than take pills to make you think he has a problem, then that’s the very definition of not having a problem. So until things have lasted longer and gotten a lot more serious, I’d leave my nose out of it.

Thanks for the sanity check.

To clarify a couple points:

1. I do know that the pills are his, since they were in a prescription bottle with his name on it.

2. I didn’t think I caused him to need the prescription, but since this medication tends to be taken “as needed,” I was wondering if something to do with our relationship had triggered this particular episode of insomnia and anxiety.

3. I don’t think I’m the center of the universe. It troubles me that if he is feeling anxiety, he feels unable to talk to me. I thought one plausible explanation would be that I was the source of the problem. Irrespective of whether or not that’s correct, I am still concerned that he spent the night pacing around his house and taking medication instead of telling me what was on his mind.

@mostlyclueless The thing is, most people don’t want to be your therapist just because they’re your friend. It’s one thing to help you through a break-up every now and again, but if it becomes a severe issue or a chronic issue, almost everyone wants you to talk to someone else. So he’s probably not telling you because it’s not appropriate to tell you, especially since you haven’t been going out that long. The things you share with a partner you’ve been with a long time are very different from the things you share with someone whom you aren’t close enough with to feel comfortable farting in front of them. And if he doesn’t know that you’re fine with him talking to you, then it’s not surprising that he’s not.

It’s entirely possible that you being over there spurred on a bit of anxiety, but not because you’re you or your relationship is bad. @Cruiser is right, having people spend the night throws off your entire sleeping pattern (which many rely on to relax from the days stresses), so it may have just been that he couldn’t sleep in the middle of the bed.

@Aethelflaed Many people take those pills reguarly. But, true some take them as needed.

@JLeslie Ok. I agree. But I’m not quite sure where that came from – help me out?

@Aethelflaed I meant to write that to @mostlyclueless sorry for the mistake. It was in response to her #2 on her recent answer.

@JLeslie ::giggle:: Gotcha.