Ladies, gentlemen: Can you give one advice to your other half to make for smoother communications?

My advice is more generic; but my spouse is a repeat offender, so this ties directly to your question, Rebbel. I am very offput when someone asks me or tells me anything by starting the communcation with an assumption (usually erroneous.) It might go something like this:

SO: Since you don’t like red grapes, I got green grapes.
ME: What makes you think I don’t like red grapes?
SO: You said so the other day.
ME: Hmmmm, no, I think I mentioned that the red grapes were past their prime, but I was talking about those specific red grapes, not all red grapes.

This is a pretty benign example—the asssumptions are usually focused on “feelings” I have, and they’re just generally all wrong.

The advice: Never start a sentence or question by stating what you believe to be the opinion of the other.

Say exactly what you mean, and do not leave anything up to interpretation. Do not make interpretation part of a game to determine if your SO cares enough about you, etc. If you are feeling x, say x.

Judi’s advice was brilliant.

My SO and I came up with an arrangement that works for us. When one of us launches into a tale of frustration that does not pertain to the partner, we are allowed to interrupt and say, “I will gladly be here for you to vent. Just don’t expect me to recall the details.” It worked incredibly well when he was obsessed with the television show Lost and when I was having troubles with a co-worker.

Next time she blisters the kitchen ceiling with her pyrotechnic cooking methods, it would be simply marvellous if the wife took on board any advice I gave on improving her culinary skills.
An altogether more pleasing arrangement than me receiving a glancing blow on the bonce from the one remaining pan!!

Actually, I think sometimes the less said, the better. My wife’s a great communicator, but the best way she communicates to me is sometimes just by way of gesturing, or my favorite, a nice simple touch. The power of tactile communication. It’s great.

Don’t assume I get it. I really may not be as smart as you think. ‘Splain it to me.

Remember to communicate. Oftentimes, my SO thinks he has told me something, and he has not.

Remember to listen. Oftentimes, I have told my SO something important and he says “I don’t remember you saying that at all.”

A real life example: This weekend we are going to a wedding. Three times now, my husband has asked me about buying tickets to a concert I’d really like to go to. All three times I have had to remind him about the wedding for his cousin (one was in writing so I know he saw it)

@marinelife ;) I agree with you so much!

Let the person finish what they’re trying to say, especially if they are upset. If they don’t have a chance to get the whole thought out, you might jump to a conclusion that’s incorrect. Can you tell I’m the one who always says, “Let me finish”?

Not sharing the bad stuff, the boring stuff, or work stuff doesn’t make me believe/buy that everything’s all right.

I feel it’s important not to gloss over negative stuff because I can still see the effects on the person and then question what’s going on. Sharing is good, even the hard stuff.

I’m a Western male. I’m not a telepath. You need to be explicit with me, not drop subtle hints and hope I get the message.

My wife is Japanese; Japanese communication strategies are rather different – high context, indirect and minimalistic. Basically, she sometimes needs to remember to speak to me like I’m five.

@the100thmonkey I like your answer. I know what you mean when you say “minimalistic”.