My 10 month old wont let me walk out of the room why?

Separation anxiety.

It’s probably separation anxiety, she loves you and misses you when you leave the room. The only way she has to communicate that to you is by crying. The longer you let her do this to you the worse it will be. My wife and I have gone through this with both a boy and a girl and as hard as it is to do you have to let her cry.

We found that making a certain stuffed animal their security item helped alot.

@tekn0lust: a stuffed animal should do a lot indeed, pick a sweetie.

Just an opinion, but I don’t think you can hold a baby too much. Despite what your parents may say. And, remember, your baby is only a baby once. This “problem” will be replaced by another, and then another after that.

what’s the damn problem with taking her with you? she’s a little baby. she’s portable.
she needs to know where you are. She doesn’t have object permanence yet. she thinks you’re gone forever. why do this to her?

This is how I think too, but it’s just the way it has to be. Otherwise, your child grow to you, and maybe have trouble later letting her loose.

I DONT KNOW WHY THE RUDE COMMENT WAS POSTED ITS NOT EASY TO DO DAILY TASKS LIKE EVEN GET DRESSED IF YOU CANT PUT YOUR CHILD DOWN FOR A FEW MINUTES WITHOUT HER CRYING ITS NOT A PROBLEM TO TAKE HER WITH ME BUT IM HUMAN AND NEED TO DO THINGS WITHOUT MY CHILD IN MY ARMS AND THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH TRYING TO FIND A WAY TO HAVE THAT SPACE! SO PLEASE NO MORE RUDE COMMENTS

Okay, Mandy, welcome to Fluther. He was making a statement in a maybe rude way to you, but that wasn’t meant. Stay calm, and look at the meaning of his answer.

p.s. Good night, I’m going to sleep. It’s 23:32 here.

MANDYHAMMON HOW DOES IT MAKE YOU FEEL WHEN PEOPLE TALK TO YOU IN ALL CAPS?

i used all caps because thats just so happens to be the key my daughter pressed as she is sitting on my lap i didnt think that it mattered if i worte in caps or not wow why are people so rude

Separation anxiety. Teething also could be added to that which makes it worse. They just want to be comforted around this time more than anything. Get her some teething biscuits she should be able to hold them herself.

@susanc – Object permanence generally sets in around 8 months, so she should be aware that mommy still exists. It’s probably just separation anxiety, and carrying the little bugger around isn’t the answer. It’s a phase they go through, it will pass.

@mandyhammon – ALL CAPS is a universally recognized substitute for yelling or screaming on the internet. It’s considered rude and offensive.

Hi Mandy: this new behavior in your child is very common—and lots of new parents have a similar surprised reaction when there babies begin to cry—especially when they have been spending so much time with them. It happens because their brains are developing in new ways, and they are learning that things can go and maybe not come back. Your baby is afraid that when she doesn’t see you, that you won’t return. The good news is, it is a stage (like so many other things babies go through) and it doesn’t last that long. If you are calm and patient with her, reassure her, and also tell her when you are leaving so you can tell her when you return, she will begin to learn that you do come back. Playing peek-a-boo can help. Other games of hiding things and then finding them again can also help. Being a mother is a long commitment to being patient and learning as you go. There are lots of books that you can find about baby development. But the one thing I would not do is get angry or exasperated. Try and teach her that you will be there. Once she knows that, she won’t mind if you leave—because she has learned that you return. Also, sneaking out is not a good idea—you have to remember she is learning to trust you as well. And also she is too young to spoil—this is just normal brain development stuff—all very usual and expected.

Mandy, as Skfinkel has so wisely laid out, the separation anxiety is followed, in normal childhood development, by Object Constancy.

This usually happens when a child is around-3; she knows then that when you leave, you will be back.

It was me being rude to Mandy and I have apologized privately and said some of the
good things skfinkel said too. It does frighten me when big people feel their tiny people are being impossible. If we can muster the patience skfinkel recommends, the tiny people will become less impossible sooner. And of course Mandy is also struggling with her naughty cats at the very same time. I am guilty of the same irritability I don’t want M to exert. Me culpa.

What’s this too young to spoil ? I’ve seen too many brats that have had their way since day one. I believe we all have seen at least one household where the baby rules. Well at least anyone over 60 has.
Most answers seem on track to me but I’m old.

I’m old too. And you cannot spoil a baby. Babies that whine and cry all the time are not getting their basic needs met. Also, they are taught to whine and cry since most likely their is no consistency in their lives—sometimes the whining works, sometimes it doesn’t, and it’s always worth trying. Be clear and consistent with the child, sweet and warm and loving, and you will never get a “brat.”

And I am very old and can testify that skfinkel got an A+ in tending to babies who turned out to be sweet, warm and loving adults.

Second gail’s motion. She knows them better, but I’ve been watching them for a long time too. Lucky me.

hi mandy! something that may help you through this phase is a great baby carrier. if you find one that works well, you may be able to keep your baby calm and have a little more freedom. i recommend the moby wrap – once you get the hang of it, it could make your life a lot easier! good luck.

And I’m very young to have a baby, but I know where you’re talking about. ;-)

I appreciate the info, but as far as consistancy my child has nothing but it i am her olny care taker we have had the same secdual since birth, i an very caring and loving she gets all the love she could want and all her basic needs are met im starting to think that posting this question was a bad idea because after getting some good comments ive also gotten some rude ones i can not carry my almost walking child in a carrier i an consistant i really am coming to thinjk that the problem is that she is never away from me moring till night monday through sunday, i have a three year old also and my kids have never been with a baby siter or even away for the night there are no grandmas and grandpas its just mommy and daddy im starting to think that it is the fact that she is not used to me not being with her, and as far as her crying because her basic needs arent met if after holding her and playing with her for an hour if i choose to put her down with some toys to go to the bathroom or even make lunch its a screaming match now i reflect on the responses i have gotten and to me i have awncered my own question through others responses and although many of you have said it not to be true what im clearly dealing with is a clingy or ” spoiled” child and although spoiled is a strong word to use for a baby but thats what ive taught her mommy will always hold you and if you cry mommy will give in and take you with her and let you cling to her as she trys to do dishes so yes i am frusterated and yes this is not normal i should not let this continue or when shes five my life will be alot harder i am goint to suck it up head to target pick out a styffed animal and when i have to pee gosh darnit im putting my foot down and using the restroom by myself so i thank you for your imput good bad rude and nice!!

Mandy,
Since you have an older child, you probably have seen this need to be with you when she was around nine or ten months old as well. My answer about spoiling was in response to @nvoldguy—not to you. It sounds like you really have your hands full, and getting away a bit, maybe having your husband spend some time with the children so you can have some time for yourself, might also be a good idea.

@mandy, not specifically on topic, but if you do get a stuffed animal. Do yourself a favor and buy a second identical one. A backup never hurt anyone :)

Mandy, if you think maybe there’s something going on with this child, should you
maybe consult her doctor? No way for us to know from way out here how really
extreme this behavior is.

I wish I lived in the world where you can’t spoil a baby. It’s probably the one where kids do what they want, you never say no to a child, and the child is always right.

Good for you mom. Common sense probably tells you when you’re needed or when you’re wanted.

Different behaviors necessary for very young kids and toddlers as opposed to 5 yrs old and up. Common sense has very little to do w. parenting a 10 month- old.

I believe common sense has everything to do with kids of any age. Look where we are because parents don’t use common sense. Watch the news on any night and see what lack of common sense has wrought.

@NVOldGuy: I think what we see on the news at night is neglect, rage, fear, drug abuse, and general misery turned to desperate outlets. People treated lovingly and with respect (and that means clear boundaries) have different opportunities and often make different choices.

AND… “people treated lovingly, with respect” don’t get on TV specifically for having been raised kindly. They get on TV for accomplishing good things and then say “Well, I thank my mom for her support”, but that’s never specifically described. Should be, though, huh?

I wish I could agree with the notion that people treated with respect etc turn out fine but I just saw too many kids from a kind loving family turn out to be jerks and making wrong choice after bad choice. Parents who tried to do everything right put through hell because of bad choices.

True, nvog. People aren’t entirely shaped by nurture. So parents’ hearts are sometimes broken for nothing.
But you gotta try. What are the odds that if you’re shitty to your kids, everyone will be
happier?

Hi mandy…I know this was posted a while ago, and well I have the exact same problem with my daughter she is almost 11 months and will cry every time I leave the room….I was just wondering if you have solved the problem with your baby and what you did?!..Pls let me know, this is driving me crazy! Thanks in advance

I am a child care provider and experience the same thing with the two babies that I keep. They cry everytime I leave the room or everytime someone comes around. It is just plain rediculous. The parents claim that thier children are not spoiled. As a childcare provider I can not hold all the babies at once because they are clingy or spoied. I am also looking for a solution.