Parental discipline question (see details)

Not a parent, but the sign seems like a gentle reminder for the responsible party to make their accompanying children behave (I am an aunt). I am not at all offended by the sign as I also expect my charges to behave themselves when they are in my care (their Mom, my sister, expects it too). I am also taking into account the kind of store it appears to be (lots of small things, crowded space, things hung at lower elevations), so it all fits for me. My 6 year old nephew would be bored in such a store and I would not take my 2 year old niece into the place because she can have breakdowns.

I agree that a child’s behavior has little to do with the amount of love they are given by their parents. In fact, too much love combined with too little discipline makes the most unruly child of all.

I don’t think the love parent’s have for their child is reflected in their behaviour. I think I understand the point the sign is trying to make but I think it is off track.

My two youngest children threw some doozies in terms of tantrums. Children have to learn about appropriate behaviour in public and sometimes they get tired and cranky and just don’t have the patience or understanding to behave like little angels. I do think when children are unable to behave in a reasonable way, parents have a responsibility to respond and that might mean removing the child from the situation for their sake and the sake of those around them.

I doubt there are many parents whose children have not at some point had a bit of a tanty. It always amazes me how horrible other parents can be when that happens. I always go out of my way to let the poor mother or father know I understand and am not judging them.

@Kayak8 I think the sign was definitely intended as a gentle reminder. As a parent, you don’t always have the option of not bringing your kid to the store you need to visit. Sometimes you need to pick up something regardless of how old your child is – or what mood they happen to be in.

@athenasgriffin Totally agree. I know many nightmare teenagers who have parents intent on being ‘besties’ with them.

@Bellatrix I hate that judgement from other parents too. As parents of little ones, you’re always silently judged based on the behaviour of your little people. That’s a given. This sign, however makes it official, encourages this kind of judgement. If my kids threw a wobbly in a store that had these signs I bet I’d cop more death-stares than usual. I would probably avoid shopping there.

It weirds me out, to be honest. Who on earth thinks that manners are about parents loving their children? Manners are about pacifying other people, about making children ‘fit into society’ rather than out of it. I guess if you think hell is other people, than making kids less likely to get into a confrontation with people is about love by teaching manners. Somehow, however, I doubt very much people making up this sign have such convoluted thoughts.

Its an indirect pacifists attempt at a nice way of saying keep your kids in check :)

If it works, I’m all in favor of it. I believe loving parents produce children with good manners.

I actually kind of agree with them. Disciplining your child and teaching them to behave in a civilized way in public is an act of love. You not only have responsibility to the world not to unleash little monsters on it but a responsibility to your children. If you love them you want them to be successful and happy and if you don’t teach socialize and civilize them, don’t teach them that they share the world with a whole lot of other people who may not find them as fabulous and adorable and amazing as you, people who are equally fabulous and adorable and amazing to their own parents, people who have the same wants and desire and rights as they do they will be unprepared for school, work, adulthood in general and they probably will not be successful and happy.

I’m not sure I’d say it’s a lack of love, but certainly a lack of attention and skill in being consistent with modifying a childs behavioral standards.

I only have one child and she was quite well behaved. I really don’t remember any public tantrums or bad behavior at all. She did go through a phase of testing the limits in the presence of friends and family, in the sense of not listening when it was time to go, put away toys etc. Small potatoes really.

I remember telling her very firmly, around age 5–6 that if she made me ask more than once there would be a consequence for that, and there was.
We had many discussions about being kind, polite, having good manners.

I think I did a good job with her socially speaking, and she takes after me in being a freindly and outgoing type. I recently met some of her co-workers at a drop in function and they all told me how much they loved her. :-)
I truly think it;s all about consistency, many parents just don’t follow up in consistent ways and the kids know it.

I have several old friends whose kids were all screamers. At home, in public.
Every other minute someone was was falling apart, fighting, shrieking, outta control. haha

I don’t know if that’s just part of having 3–4 kids, the sibling issues with fighting, or if it was really a reflection of their parenting.

One was enough for me. I loved and love her dearly, but, I don’t know how people manage 3 or 4 kids.

@Coloma But isn’t love, all love, in the doing? In the paying attention, not every second, but enough? Otherwise it’s all talk, I think.

@Coloma You give me hope. My 5½ year old is testing me just as you described. We’ve discussed these things and she has what I believe is a good understanding of what is expected of her.

She showed herself in front of several of my friends and their children last week. She has been acting out a bit in front of non-family within the past month or so, but that display of back-talk and not listening was her worst public behavior ever.

It has been explained to her that she will be held to the rules or face consequences, without fail, once she returns from her grandparents’. I hope I am as successful as you were.

Manners are not an indicator of love. They are an indicator of how obedient your children are. I know many kids who have literally had obedience beaten into them and that is far from loving.

They worded it like that because if they did not water it down and just said plainly, “Please do not let you children be unruly”, or “When your children become unruly, please take them out”. Someone would get annoyed over that.

I think good manners are an important part of socialisation, though clearly not all of it. The well-mannered individual indicates that she has respect for humanity. After all, it’s not your aptitude but attitude which determines your altitude.

Good manners can get you in where good credentials may fail. It takes some talent, and life experience, to blend the two in an optimal combination. To me good manners indicate a holistic disposition.

Parents have the sole distinction of being the first experience of social life for the child, as the family unit is in effect a microcosm of society itself. By introducing children to a somewhat “buffered” society, they are imparting critical life skills. Whether they are successful and to what degree is too complicated to be associated to a single factor of influence.

That being said, the child will not learn or acquire what the parent attempts to impart to her. She will learn how the parent does it. And will consequently take her life cues from that interaction. Again, parenting is a holistic activity by definition.

@lillycoyote

Well yes, discipline can be seen as love of course. I just think there are lots of not very bright and aware parents, lazy if you will. I am sure they love their kids but are just lackadaisical in expressing some of that love in a disciplinary manner.

I always felt that being ‘friends’ with your children came AFTER being a parent.

I think a lot of parents are afraid of their children not liking them, and wimp out on the discipline.

Now that my daughter is almost 24 we have become great pals and ‘equals’ the last few years.

@Supacase

It was a long phases, a year or so I’d say. It was better by the time she turned 7.

Hang in there.

THEN..it’ll come back even worse around 14. haha

I remember sitting in the car in the morning honking after telling my daughter she had like 3 minutes to get to the car when leaving for school. I’d just watch her through the window taking her sweet time and then she;d be mad at me for honking! lolol

Relishh the pre-teen scene, it’‘s natures little gift to parents before the testing hell breaks loose again. haha

When I was a 21 year old mom with a very angry 1 year old… I walked around Wal-Mart for a hour with him screaming at the top of his lungs and throwing his little body around the cart, trying to kick his way out. He was angry because my mom had trained him to expect a toy the minute he walked past the smiling senior citizen who gave him a sticker. The only way I felt that I could get the message across to him at that age was to keep on shopping until I was done. He never did it again, so it must’ve worked.
To my credit, I apologized to everyone who glared at me. Other than a few exceptions, I agree that people should teach their kids manners, more so in restaurants than stores!

I don’t see anything wrong with the sign. My gosh, to have to put up a sign like that must mean the kids who live there are horrible. Lol.

Fortunately, I’ve never had to “control my children” in public, because my wife and I have raised them to show respect and manners. That comes with a lot of unconditional love, but also with a lot of expectations.

Seriously, though, it’s understandable why a merchant would put up a sign like that. It’s extremely annoying when parents bring their children into places of business, and the kids are obnoxious, noisy, messy, and destructive. And it’s even more disturbing when many of these parents don’t even tend to them and just let them run loose. To me, these parents are worse than their ill-mannered kids, because they are not doing their jobs as parents and keeping them in line. You don’t have to be a tyrant to be a good parent. You just have to provide well-set guidelines for your kids and be consistent with the rules for them, and this includes not only at home but out in public too.

Perhaps the merchant could have worded the sign a little more customer-friendly, like “Please monitor your children while in the store. Your parental efforts are much appreciated.” But then again, would bad parents of obnoxious children really pay heed to such a sign? Most likely not. Unfortunately, in this day and age, where some parents are like kids themselves, you need to play hardball and tell it like is, whether people like it or not. It is the only way to get your message across.

If that is the case then my parents hated me! :0

Perhaps I can illuminate some on the thinking behind the sign, as so many seem to be confused: This is the idea that, if you really loved your children enough, you’d get over your own personal baggage and issues, admit that you are flawed just like all other human beings, and do some research into how best to parent a child instead of simply getting defensive every time someone thought perhaps you weren’t going to win the Parent of the Year award.

I think it is amusing and if it makes parents keep better control of their children in public,great!;)

I think rather means that it is better to control and discipline your kids as it is better for them in the long run than if you just let them be unruly and do what they want.

This is not a black and white issue. With the overwhelming emergence of Aspergers, ADHD, and Autism, it’s not so easy to point the finger at lazy parents. While I do get frustrated with parents who won’t discipline their children (my cousin is a perfect example and everyone can’t stand her kids), it’s not wise to be too judgmental.

I understand and appreciate what the sign is implicating – it’s just that it may not have the same weight as it did two decades ago. Don’t read too much into it. Take it for what it is. My feeling about the sign is that the person is fed up with parents who refuse to say NO or discipline their children and they’re acting out.