What is one of the funniest stories that someone has told you about their kid?
We all think our kids are the funniest, most fantastic things in the world (and, in fact, mine are ; ) but usually others don’t find their antics quite as cute and precocious as Mom and Dad do. However, once in a while people will tell stories about their own kids that are truly funny.
I was chatting with a convenience store clerk once. I don’t think I even knew her name. For some reason the talk turned to dogs, and she told me this story about her son (who is now grown.)
When her son was five a new person moved in next door. They had a dog, a boxer. After about a week, her little son came running in the house in tears.
“Mom! Why does the neighbor keep calling his dog that awful name?? He just keeps calling it that name, over and over! It’s just so terrible!”
Mom asked, “What does he call the dog?”
With tears running down his face the child cried, “I can’t even tell you, it’s so bad!” Poor kid.
A couple of days later Mom chanced to talk to the neighbor and asked him, “By the way—what is your dogs name?”
The guys said, “His name is Baxter….Why?”....
Remember, your story has to be about somebody elses kid, not your own! Not even your grandkids!
Observing members:
0
Composing members:
0
35 Answers
I have heard a lot of funny stories about other people’s kids. I have a soft spot for kids, though. I think the funniest I’ve heard recently was about my friend’s 2 year old getting into trouble. Her mother asked her why she was being “so bad?” And according to her mom, the little girl looked completely perplexed before she replied “Me not bad, me PRETTY, mommy.” Cracked me up. Where do they come up with this stuff?
One of my best friend’s son when he was about 5yrs old told us his “privates” is named Godzilla because it’s soooooo big… like dad’s.~
@Neizvestnaya LOL! I’m not allowed to say this, but my grandson’s dad taught him to refer to his privates as his “tenders.
The funniest stories would be my nephew and my own daughter.
When my nephew was about 4 he had just learned the proper words for the male/female anatomy. One day, in the bank with his mom he loudly started identifying those customers that had penises and vaginas. LOL
Standing in line he would point and say ” He has a PENIS and SHE has a Vagina, repeat, repeat, to infinity and beyond. haha His mom was mortified!
My daughter constantly tells me how some of my silliness traumatized her these days, now that she is 23. When she was about 2–3 she loved ‘Gumby & Pokey” and had the toys and watched the cartoons. I told her that she was made from a little pink ball of clay, and would sing the Gumby song…..” She once was a little pink ball of clay, EMILY!” lol
Apparently she took this to heart and said she thought that she would melt if she got too hot! Awww!
I also told her that the traffic lights had little Monkeys inside them that changed the color of the lights. She believed this too!
So far she hasn’t requested I pay for any therapy. lol
YOU CAN’T USE YOUR OWN KIDS @Coloma!
A friend’s parents told me this story about their son:
When he was in the potty-training phase, it was taking an incredibly long time. He finally mastered most of it, except for wiping his bottom. He would yell from the bathroom, “Mooooom! Come wipe me!”
One night, the parents held a part at their house. Suddenly, the young lad ran into the living room completely naked from the waist down and yelled, “Ta Dah!” in front of all of the guests. The parents had to explain that, no their son wasn’t an exhibitionist…he was just proud of himself for mastering a new task.
My grandmother told me a story about HER kid one time…
When my mom was little they had this old cat (aptly named Tom)
My grandmother heard Tom howling up a storm in the bathroom and ran to see what was going on.
She found her one daughter holding Tom tight on the front end and the other daughter lifting Tom’s tail up at the other end.
She screamed “WHAT are you doing??” and her older daughter said “You know how you said that when an animals nose is warm, it means they’re sick? Well, Tom’s nose is warm and when we’re sick, you give US an enema, so I figured I’d make Tom better by giving HIM one”
Said child also invited a “hobo” in off the streets of Philadelphia and made him a sandwich. (I don’t’ think I could have handled being the mother to my mother when she was a kid)
I think it’s funny! Whole lot better than “weiny” or some stupid shite like that!
I don’t know the person, but my mom just told me this story when I talked to her yesterday.
The lady was driving with her three-year-old, and the little girl was throwing a bit of a fit. The mom explained that she could choose whether to be happy or miserable, and the little one said, “I know, and I’m choosing miserable!”
My friend’s mum is also my friend. My friend likes to think she’s really mature, wearing push-up bras, loads of make-up, styling her hair for ages, high heels, the lot, and she’s a year younger than me. Her mum told me that once she took her to the doctor’s, and she made a fuss over being ill and the doctor told her sharply, “Oh, stop being so immature!” I suppose you’d find it funny if you knew my friend…she really is 14 going on 25. I like how the doctor put her in her place.
Your mom is friends with a 14 year old? You kind of lost me with that whole post @lookingglassx3.
@Dutchess_III haha, noo(: I’m friends with a fourteen-year-old, but I’m also good friends with her mum too.
A friend of mine was in a long, long line waiting for a slow cashier with her son in the seat in front of her. He had a thing for tugging at her shirt pockets, so… She wasn’t really thinking about anything, but every time she looked around at people she saw them smiling at her and thought proudly to herself that people were admiring her beautiful little son, and smiled back. About 2 customers went through before she felt a draft…...
Her son had unbuttoned her shirt all the way from the top to bottom button and she had NO idea how long her shirt had been wide open.
My dad and his brother used to live a block from the courthouse. The jail was in the basement at the court house. They used to run errands for the convicts.
One con refused to pay for the pack of smokes they went and got him. So after lights out at the jail, they took the sprinkler off the courthouse hose and stuck the hose in his cell and turned it on.
When my dad was a boy in Sunray Texas, at Halloween they’d hide behind a person’s out house, slide rosin on a string, and tie the string to a safety pin, then sneak up to the house and stick the safety pin in somebody’s window screen. Then they’d creep back about 10 feet and rub the string up and down. He said it made a terrible racket, like the screen was being torn off! Then they RUN AND HIDE behind the outhouse!
Well, one year my dad and his friend heard that some older boys, bullies, planned to do this to a particular house…as the bullies were sneaking up to the house to do the deed my dad and his friend moved the outhouse over about 6 feet….
Yeah! His Uncle owned a drug store. They’d steal condoms, fill them up with water, climb to the roof of the drug store and throw them down on people.
Dumshit. His dad was the Sheriff of the town!
My grandmother has about hilarious stories about my mom and her sisters. There are too many to choose from so I’ll pick a few choice ones.
My mother didn’t start speaking until she was two years old. One day, my mom and my grandmother were in the kitchen. My mom was sitting on the floor playing with something and my grandmother was doing something in the sink. Suddenly, my mom looked up at my grandmother and said in a perfectly clear voice, “May I have another Tollhouse cookie, please?” My grandmother almost fell over from surprise. :)
When my mom was a kid, she heard a term from someone at school that she knew nothing about. The term was “blow job.” When she got home, my grandmother and my aunt were sitting in the kitchen and my mom walks in and says, “Mom, what’s a blow job?” My grandmother turned very calmly to my aunt who is older and said, “Would you explain to your sister, please?” Then my grandmother got up, went into the bathroom, shut the door, and laughed uncontrollably.
My last one is about the older of my two cousins.
When he was very little, maybe two or three, his brother was just a baby. My aunt took him to see Santa Claus at the mall. When he sat on Santa’s lap, Santa asked him what he wanted for Christmas. Completely seriously, my cousin said, “I want you to take the baby back.” My cousin was hastily handed back to my aunt. ;)
@JilltheTooth So your first word was actually a sentence? I knew you were something special.
@KatawaGrey Your second story reminds me of one my mother loves from when I was two or three. We were at the zoo, and the elephants were about to enjoy each other. I looked at the male and shouted, “Look! That one’s having a baby! The leg’s already out!” My father and much older sister immediately split, leaving my mother to find a way to explain that one amidst the stares of many strangers.
This barely qualifies, since it is about my wife’s grandson.
Marceles, who is 5 years old, is very obsessive with holding the right toy when he watches a movie. If he is watching the movie Godzilla 2000 he has to have the Godzilla 2000 toy, not the Godzilla Final Wars toy. If Rodan is in the movie, but not Mothra, he has to be holding Rodan. If he is watching a Batman movie, he cannot hold Superman, only Batman.
So, the other day my wife puts on a movie, “Tinkerbell”, and he looks at the cover to see what toy to hold, then runs into the backyard. Before the movie starts, he is back from the yard, sitting in front of the TV, holding a dandelion.
This one’s about my brother, which I guess counts, and I was there when it happened.
My brother is several years younger than my sister and I. One day the family was sitting around the dinner table and my sister was discussing turning vegetarian. After some thought, my little brother, who was about four at the time, piped up with “I’m not a vegetarian, I’m a Scorpio!”
He was right too. (Picked it up off our mum who’s into astrology).
Amazingly i never heard any funny stories about kids. But i’ve watched lots of clips on the net.
Well, you just heard some @davida.
@KatawaGrey and @JilltheTooth I’m still rolling! That was great stuff! The elephant story too!
@filmfann Your Marceles reminds me of my Aden, who just turned 7…he’s like that in a way. Very anal about some things! He as to be holding something in his hand ALL the time! I finally found some eyelash curlers that are dead. They fit perfectly in his hand, they have moveable parts, and he can hang it from his finger when he needs both hands for mountain climbing!
@Dutchess_III: My mom was the most hilarious kid. My grandmother has the best stories about her. She always tells them with a smile and hearty laughter.
@JilltheTooth did you ever figure out what a BJ is? If not, it might be a good question for Fluther! ; }~
Oh, I can IMAGINE @KatawaGrey!
@Dutchess_III : And the last shred of what was left of my dignity…poof! Gone!
@JilltheTooth did you ever figure out what a BJ is? If not, it might be a good question for Fluther! ; }~
Oh, I can IMAGINE @KatawaGrey! She IS a little crazy..you do know that, don’t you? :)
Yep. Kids’ll do that to you!
My best friend and her husband and brand new baby were
at an eating establishment and the baby was in the car seat
with a blanket over him under the table. My girlfriend went to
the restroom and when she came back her husband had already
paid the bill and was going to the car. She followed him as usual
and got in the car thinking HE had gotten the baby! He thought SHE
would get the baby so it had been left under the table until they BOTH
figured out what had happened. She was so embarrassed about leaving
her new son!
Wow. Blast from the past. Thanks for reviving it @MooCows.
Answer this question 
Composing members:
0
