Atheists: How do you feel about going to church?

a. Yes, if someone needed me to and I was doing it for their benefit.
b. A mix of fascinated and bored.
c. Not really, but it depends. If something really doesn’t feel right, it ain’t happening no matter how much attention I draw to myself. It’s not because I don’t feel it but because it would be sort of blasphemous if I did it without believing.
d. No.

I would never go to church for any reason other than someone I cared about invited me. If I went, I wouldn’t try to participate because I have no knowledge of such things. I would sit there respectfully and do what I can—particularly the things I enjoy, like singing.

I’d be observing and analyzing as I went along. I’d be trying to figure out why various aspects of the service exist and what they do. I’d be trying to get a feel for the congregation. I would listen to the sermon and see what I could get out of it, although mostly those things refer to stories I really know nothing about, so it kind of loses me.

No big deal. It’s about respect for my friend or family member, for me. It doesn’t bother me any more that I can’t participate so as to look normal. I’ve accepted that and I’ve come to find out that no one has ever said anything to me or tried to make me uncomfortable in any way for not participating fully. So I don’t think it’s a problem.

I’ll admit, I’m an atheist that goes to church weekly. Why? Because right now while I live under my parents’ roof, I’ll do my best to keep them feeling that they’re doing a good job in rearing my head out of the ass of depression. They believe that if I find my faith in God again, it’ll be a stepping stone towards me not being seriously depressed. Hell, I know enough about Christianity that I’m an unofficial youth leader at my church. And no, I don’t “enlighten/corrupt” the kids to see my truth. They wanna believe in Christ, I’ll teach them about Christ, but in a way that shows that you don’t have to be a Christian to be a good person.

The only reason I would go to church, is if I was a dating a woman that was close to perfect that attended church. I would do it to support her in her beliefs. :D

I should also point out that I’m not totally against it. If I really had to go, for some random reason, I would go. I’m not afraid of church.

I’m not atheist, but more agnostic. I attend pagan spiritual gatherings such as full moon circles and sweat whenever possible. I really enjoy the sense of community, and I think it is psychologically important to engage in spiritual fellowship, no matter if the spirits in question exist or not.

I really really hate christian church.

I get itchy and then my skin starts to burn, so that’s why I can’t go to churches.

I have thought about going to church when there’s no services being held, simply to avail myself of a peaceful place to sit and think when I’m depressed or soul-searching. It would be better than going to a random quite place because it’s generally understood that if you’re sitting in a church pew you’re there for ‘spiritual’ reasons, and not just in need of a place to sit down for a few minutes.

I can’t really see myself going to a service. Not yet, anyway.

I will not go to church for any reason whatsoever.

I went to church with a girl for a first date 2 months ago. It was one of those non-denominational christian churches with a band and the cheesy christian music. I hate cheesy music and I didn’t enjoy that part of it. There was a sermon given on Forgiveness which I really did enjoy.

I left thinking that church was generally a good idea in terms of having a system for moral education available to the public. I found I couldn’t relate to the ideas being shared about “living my life for you, Jesus” that they were repeating so often in the songs. The concept of making such utterances is lost on me.

I would go to church again almost whenever I’m invited as long as I don’t feel pressured into going and as long as I know the sermon style is palatable and not too culty. I would participate in the ceremonies as long as I didn’t feel put on the spot as the non-believer who’s participating by all the people in the church. I’d do whatever everyone else was doing as long as it wasn’t too involved. (Kneeling/standing/bowing are all fine and doable. Sacrificial killings would be a bit extreme for me)

I’m an agnostic. So while I don’t claim to know the message of any particular church is flat wrong, I do think that many make claims that are as unlikely to be true as the entire myth of Santa Claus and the eight tiny flying reindeer is. I don’t mind attending a church that puts forward a message of tolerance for other beliefs and allows questioning. But I think that all absolutist religious organizations are harmful. I won’t support any of them with my attendance unless a dear friend is holding an important event there, such as a wedding, funeral or the like.

The SO is atheist, and I am agnostic. Neither of us have a problem attending a religious ceremony. We both look upon it as a way to expand our education on religions. When I lived with my brother and SIL for a year, I used to attend temple services with her and their daughter, despite being Christian at the time.

How do I feel? Sometimes, it is uncomfortable. The customs are often unknown, and it can feel like crashing a family reunion when you don’t know anyone else there, despite how friendly they are. When I was young and attended Catholic services with my best friend, I didn’t understand why I could not participate in their communion until later in life. My SIL and their three children (all Jewish) used to attend Christmas Eve services with us, and I felt bad when we were called to the alter to partake in communion while they sat behind in a pew. And oddly, the Catholic friend and her family now attend our church’s Christmas Eve ceremony and stay behind when the rest of us go up to the altar.

As for the standing/kneeling bit, yes, I do participate in order to not call attention to myself. I don’t recite the Apostle’s Creed or any of the responses in the programs, but I do read them out of interest.

There is no longer any church that I regularly attend, although I still go back to the one in my home town when there. Many of the members haven’t changed, and the minister is a family friend. Mom would like us to have a small wedding ceremony there after we have our civil service, and the SO is willing to do it, but I am not. It doesn’t seem fair to the minister. If she wants to throw a small party at her house and he wants to offer some type of blessing, I’m fine with that.

Once I move to the UK, I’d like to attend some of the services at the Church of England down the street to find out what that is all about. And one of the items on my Bucket List is to attend a Hindu wedding in India.

My best ladyfriend is an atheist and she is like a mother to her sister’s daughter and stepson. She strongly believes in bringing them to their traditional family Baptist church in order to foster a sense of community in them.

If I’m a guest in somebody’s home, I’ll attend services with them out of respect for their beliefs. It’s just part of being a good guest, like not complaining about the food or the comfort of the bed.

I will participate in the singing and shaking hands and such, but when it comes to kneeling or praying I just sit quietly with my hands folded on my lap. I’ve never felt out of place for not doing the things outside of my comfort zone.

I’ve always met very nice people in the congregations I visit. People in church have a shiny, cleansed attitude. And there are often cookies.

“And there are often cookies.” LOL.

@Blueroses Lol. “Uhm…I’m an atheist, but can I just have some cookies and leave?”

And wine. Time to get sauced

@blueroses, I thought that it was the darkside that had the cookies?

Yeah, it’s those of us on the dark side that get cookies. The Christians just get tasteless crackers, and cheap wine.

Darkside cookies are tastier. In the Christian realm, I’ll eat the cookies but I won’t drink the Kool-aid.

I think going to church is a good thing. Very little bad things are generated by people praying, communicating and worshipping. I would say that church goers are on average very great citizens. There are bad apples, but in the general scheme of things, they are not the source of our problems. I myself do not go or think the rules are logical, but that does not make me think that church going does not serve those to whom attend and get satisfaction and inspiration. If people have a positive, non-offensive passion, do good work, how can one criticize that? All faiths, to me, are equally good and deserving of my respect.

No, I never set foot in religious buildings unless I have to, such as for weddings and bar mitzvahs. It makes me quite uncomfortable. I prefer not to participate in the rituals.

Avoiding church is actually how I found this site. I managed to get out of the midnight Christmas service while visiting my parents, got bored with my ordinary internet haunts, and somehow found my way here. I can’t remember exactly how it happened.

Anyway, I would not go to a church unless it was really important to someone that I go. It wouldn’t have to be an event, though; I’d be willing to go if a friend of mine felt like s/he really needed to be at church and didn’t want to go alone. When I go—which is an increasingly rare event—I (mostly) play along. If I’m there to support someone, might as well go all the way. I won’t do anything that makes me uncomfortable, but that rarely comes up. I went to church for nearly 20 years; it’s not like it’s a completely foreign environment or anything.

How I feel when there depends on the church. If it’s the church I grew up in, I feel weird. For one thing, everyone there still thinks I’m religious and remembers me as the Sunday school teacher/substitute preacher/guy they wanted their daughter to marry. I always feel like people are looking at me—and in fact, they often are. If it’s any other church, I’m just some guy in a crowd, so it’s not weird at all. We pass the peace and forget each other—which is entirely sincere on my part since I wish the best for these people even if I have no interest in becoming their best friend or even learning their names.

I’m agnostic. I have gone to church with friends when I was younger. I’ve attended Mormon and Catholic services. I never had a bad experience. the Catholic service was a bit long and boring though

I take it as a learning experience. When asked to pray, I just close my eyes and look down like everyone else, and hope no one catches me when I look up from time to time to see what everyone else is doing. ;)

@jonsblond I went to a Catholic wedding once that lasted like 3 freakin’ hours. All in Spanish. BOR-ING.

Only for weddings and funerals. I have no other reasons to go.

@FutureMemory I skipped one of my best friend’s Catholic wedding because I was 8 months pregnant. There was no way I could sit for 3 hours without having to pee!

I do occasionally attend services. However, I have very, very strict rules about where I go – it has to be Catholic/Orthodox/Anglican, and it has to be in basically what you would want to call a cathedral or a basilica, even if it’s not actually a cathedral or a basilica (those are actually designations having to do with something other than the architecture, but everyone sorta thinks of them as looking a certain way). We have a couple cathedrals and a basilica about town, and those are the ones I go to. The basilica and one of the cathedrals are done in Gothic Revival style (which I lurve – the ribbed vaulting! the buttressing! the Romanticism!), while the other one has this more castle with crenelations thing going on. The one I go to most frequently has this amazing, amazing pipe organ (named Bertha) that is the largest intact American cathedral organ in use built before World War II and the largest organ erected before the Kimball Company suspended their organ-building operations at the outbreak of the war. It has ninety-six ranks of pipes, totaling 5,949 individual pipes (if you don’t know organs and pipes, most churches are saving up money to be able to buy one pipe). They also have free concerts that don’t have anything to do with God (well, I mean.. it is usually classical music they play, so it kinda does, but not like a service does). And I love the beauty of the services, the pomp and circumstance of the outfits. So going to these places becomes more like a night morning at the theatre for me than a thing of worship. And since I don’t actually believe in God, I don’t react with “ooooooh, iconography, intercessors – booooo!” so much as “what an interesting theological point of view on the subject of intersession – tell me more” and “iconography! I bet that means you’re going to make this extra beautiful!” I do go along with the service and participate, since the whole reason I’m there is for the ceremony (and the architecture).

I’m actually studying to do architectural preservation, and what I’d really love to do is some day move to England and be able to do preservation with the cathedrals over there. Most of the really gorgeous historical architecture is found in cathedrals, so there’s a natural attraction. Now if only I had a teleporter so that moving there didn’t actually mean leaving here.

@dannyc Very little bad things are generated by people praying, communicating and worshipping. Sure, except for the Wars of Religions, the Inquisition, witch burnings, the Crusades, the Bonfire of the Vanities, etc.

I’m not an atheist—more agnostic but at the same time very spiritual. I study world religions as a hobby and enjoy the messages that many of the sermons have to offer. I go for weddings, funerals and attended a good friend’s baby’s baptism. I have been to many different denominations’ services—some were wonderful, some were horrible, most were somewhere in between. Like Wundy, I’ll look around and observe.
The worst one, for me, involved an extremely overweight woman suddenly running down the aisle of an Assembly of God church and throwing herself, prostrate, at the pastor’s feet and about 20 men jumping on her like a football huddle, but all of them had one hand on her and another hand in the air- they all screamed in tongues while everyone around me shouted, “Amen! Amen!” That was way too much for me.

@Aethelflaed . I would suggest those were due to not heeding the words they were praying, very little to do with the religion itself.

@dannyc And I would suggest that you research the topic more before leaping to such conclusions.

@Aethelflaed. Then, if you can kindly give me the evidence of what specific passages that led to the turmoil, rather than misinterpretation of same and simple politics of the time, which would be my hypothesis. I love to research and rarely leap to any conclusions without thought, thus your attribution of my lack of knowledge may be incorrect. And i am referring mostly to present day churches than in the past, just so the context of my answer more specific.

@dannyc I would, I really would, but I fear it would entirely derail this thread. You are, however, welcome to PM me (I would PM you, but I’m afraid your last post has me a bit confused as to what you’re confused about, if that makes sense.)

@Aethelflaed. True, a PM might be in order. Anef is enuf for those reading.

I have no trouble attending church for any occasion. . . .with one exception. The last one I went to because my daughter sang in the choir. At the end of the service, the minister asked everyone to “pass the peace of Christ.” I could not get through that without thinking, “Which piece? An earlobe? The tip of his nose? A little toe?” It felt uncomfortably blasphemous and I can’t go to that church.

Church is a good place to check out hot girls in heels and skirts. Just sayin’.

Haven’t been to any church forever. But I did attend some time ago, once because a friend of mine wanted me to try it, so I went. Didn’t get much out of it, but she was glad. Incidentally, that same friend’s mother died later, so I went to the funeral.

I don’t go for services or anything, but in my early 20’s I often went to this one church for the free meals they gave to poor and homeless people. They were good people, and let me wander around the building because I loved the architecture, even though people attending the meals weren’t supposed to.
I love how older churches look and I love sneaking around in them, or at least I did when I was a bit younger. They’re fascinating buildings.

As for mass and stuff though, as I say, last time I went to a church for the actual reason of going to church was long ago. I’m not against it, I just have no reason to go.

the loosest girl in town is the preachers daughter @Fiddle_Playing_Creole_Bastard

@RealEyesRealizeRealLies my step sister dated the preacher’s son for 3 years. That mofo was crazy.

ohewwwww yeeeeaaaahhh… like they got something to prove.

You know Nietzsche was the son of a minister. He ended up killing God because of it.

I go for ceremonial events only (weddings, funerals, baptisms). I suppose if a really good friend felt they needed me to support them by attending a service, I would. Once. While there, I follow conventions if they are familiar to me (not a lot of kneeling in the churches I’ve attended in the past, so I’m not sure I’d kneel). I won’t take communion, but I’ll sing and lower my head/close my eyes while other people pray.

One of my favorite places to go for contemplation and peaceful feelings is an outdoor Catholic shrine, Grotto of Lourdes. It’s very moving, even for an atheist.

The only time I ever felt really uncomfortable in a church was at a friend’s wedding. In the middle of the ceremony and without the couple’s consent or knowledge, the minister (Baptist) said something like, “The greatest wedding gift this couple could receive would be their friends accepting Jesus into their hearts. If you’re ready to accept Christ, please come forward now.” When no one moved, he said in a plaintive voice, “Anyone? Nobody?”. Awkward.

@augustlan Wow. That sounds really horrible. And kind of a prime example of why so many are afraid to go to church even for ceremonial events.

@augustlan, I think that’s pretty funny actually. Would definitely have gone to church to see that happen.

I don’t mind as long as I like the appearance of the building, and there aren’t any services being held inside.

@augustlan I love the Basilica at the Catholic University. There’s just something so peaceful about that place and used to just wander around when I was a college student in DC (Not at CU, but nearby). I went to the Basilica in St. Paul, but it doesn’t have the same feel. Can’t explain why, but it’s a real energy for me.

@RealEyesRealizeRealLies @Fiddle_Playing_Creole_Bastard I agree about the preacher’s kids. When I was living in Alabama, I’d hear stories about the preachers’ kids that would make Beelzebub blush. I wonder if it’s everywhere that they’re wacky, or just in the South?

I know one who went east side to become a stripper the day she turned 18. Her parents were devastated and disowned her.

No….
If I do go ( christening, wedding or funeral ) I feel sick to the stomach & usually stay at the back or as close to the door as possible, so as to be the first one out when the service ends… I’m to preoccupied not wanting to be there to participate in something I have no belief or interest in, I just go to show my face.. At the end of the day is just a building or a venue…….

I, personally am not an Atheist, but I do feel strongly about going to church. If I am in a church, I am usually not there because I want to be. The only reason I step foot into a church is for a “special” event I had been asked to attend, and if I am there, I do have the constant fear of being struck by lightning.
I did have to go to church when I was younger, and the only thing that drew me there was the authority of my Grandmother, forcing me to go and stay awake.
When I am caught in a church, I feel myself scoffing, or criticizing everything said by the pastor. All of the “teachings” to me are false and wonderful for other people, just not for me.
While laughing at the people who conform and kneel, stand, sit, kneel, etc., etc., I honestly find myself conforming as a sign of respect for those who are there. I feel I would rather bite my tounge than insult someone.
The only church services I do attend, are ones that are required by my job. Ironically, I am a basketball coach for a Lutheran school, and during tournaments, we have services the sunday before games. Do I enjoy these services, or want to participate in them? No, but when a paycheck is being signed by a woman who believes very deeply in what the pastor has to say, I guess I’ll conform and sit, stand, kneel, stand, sit.

Would you go to church for a reason other than an event such as a wedding or funeral service?

No.

What draws you there? Is it the sense of community, the tradition, the atmosphere, a hope of learning something new?

Nothing. I can meet people in other places. I also don’t feel I would learn much in church.

When you do attend a service for an event, how do you feel while you’re there?

Fine. I grew up attending church every Sunday, so it is a fairly familiar environment. I just wouldn’t go there for other than a specific function like a wedding or funeral.

Do you avoid participating (standing, kneeling, etc), or would you rather not draw attention to yourself in that way?

I would go with the flow but not pray.

Do any of you regularly or semi-regularly attend church services?

Never attend except for weddings/funerals.

I’m glad I asked this question. I’ve thoroughly enjoyed reading every single response to this thread. Thanks so much to those that answered.

I’m glad you asked it, too. GQ!

Would you go to church for a reason other than an event such as a wedding or funeral service?
No.

What draws you there? Is it the sense of community, the tradition, the atmosphere, a hope of learning something new?
Nothing draws me in, a bit more like it repels me.

When you do attend a service for an event, how do you feel while you’re there?
Bored, I usually bring a book to read.

Do you avoid participating (standing, kneeling, etc), or would you rather not draw attention to yourself in that way?
I will not sing, dance, kneel, bow, take some wine and/or crackers, and I will most certainly not be praying.

Do any of you regularly or semi-regularly attend church services?
Not since I was ten, and I was already uncomfortable with it all at that age. Something about people raising their hands in the air with their eyes closed, mumbling to themselves and singing monotonous songs about impossible events made me not like the place early on in my life.

“Would you go to church for a reason other than an event such as a wedding or funeral service?”

Yes. A Unitarian Universalist (UU) church. See below….

“What draws you there? Is it the sense of community, the tradition, the atmosphere, a hope of learning something new?”

My wife really wanted to go to the UU to be around people who share her values (liberal, etc). She wanted to the sense of community – some place where it seemed she belonged. Also, she was hoping our kids would meet other kids.
We used to go (almost) weekly for awhile.

“When you do attend a service for an event, how do you feel while you’re there?”

I feel a bit alienated and confused. We’re atheists – and many of the people sitting there in “church” are atheists. The minister is so vague about religion that she is hardly saying anything at all that is religious – except for the religious language she is using. Also, there is singing, which is just silly. I don’t get it at all.
However, I go because it is really important to my wife (or was – we haven’t been in months).

“Do you avoid participating (standing, kneeling, etc), or would you rather not draw attention to yourself in that way?”

I try to just blend in as much as possible.

“Do any of you regularly or semi-regularly attend church services?”

We used to, but haven’t been in months.

Note: The first time I went to a UU “church”, my wife and I walked in to the entry way and apparently looked lost. A woman walked up and introduced herself as an atheist. I didn’t get it at all.

Also, regarding the community and people that my wife is seeking – the UU failed. We knew a few fellow liberal, atheist, environmentalist, anti-consumer, nonconformist families that already went. But we didn’t meet anyone new. I’ll go back if my wife wants to, but I’m not sure if we’ll have to time or if she’ll want to.

How do you feel about going to church?

Meh… mostly a waste of time.

Would you go to church for a reason other than an event such as a wedding or funeral service?

If our black community keeps growing, and we get a church in my area were they sing funky ghospel songs, clap their hands, and have a good time. I would probably go there from time to time for the show. As it is, we have a boring old man in his 80’s who simply does not understand what the world is now days.

What draws you there?

Last time I was at a church it was 4am about 5 years ago, and we just sat outside smoking weed, cops don’t go there.

Before that, I was 8 years old, and I went to get what my friend explained to me as “free communion wafers”.

Do you avoid participating?

I’d play allong

Do any of you regularly or semi-regularly attend church services?

Not me.

Love love love the singing!

No. I’ve found explaining why I’m an atheist and don’t want to go to their church usually results in them no longer wanting me to enter their church.

@cockswain I’ll bite: Why are you an atheist, and why don’t you want to go to a church?

@poisonedantidote I would also willingly attend a Gospel church if there were one close to me. The music is so genuinely joyous and close to God, even non-believers may be moved to feel the spirit.

Count me in as an atheist that loves Gospel choirs.

@RealEyesRealizeRealLies Nietzsche’s father was also the son of a minister, though, and he was only mildly exciting.

@ANef_is_Enuf Indeed, a lot of religious music is very good despite the lyrical content. Bach’s Passions, for instance.

@SavoirFaire agreed. I would be a huge liar if I tried to say that I could listen to Elijah Rock without wanting to sing along. I got chills just finding a video to post here. hah.

My brother and I are architecture buffs, so we like to go inside of churches for that reason. It’s much nicer when you are not there for a service. We go with a purely artistic standpoint.

I’ve been in churches for weddings and funerals and I’ve always felt a little bit uncomfortable, because I don’t believe what ‘s being taught and I have no idea what the rituals are. I’m always wondering if they expect me to stand up or kneel or sing (I don’t do any of those things). I also feel weird when everybody jumps up and gets in line for communion. I don’t do that either, so I just kind of sit there and look around at the beautiful architecture and hope that someone doesn’t start asking me questions about Christianity. Not real thrilled with the handshaking and hugging of strangers. Don’t like that at all. I dread forced or fake social situations.

On the other hand, if I had an SO that was a Christian and wanted me to go along to his church with him, I think I would do it gladly. It’s not very likely that someone who was that religious would ever end up with me, though.

I’ve always wanted to attend a midnight mass, but my reasons for wanting to go are purely entertainment driven, and so far I’ve never gone, because it seems hypocrital in a way. Even though I’m not a Christian, nor do I believe in any type of religion at all, I’m one of the biggest lovers of Christmas of all time, especially the music. I’ve probably got the biggest collection of Christmas and Church Choir-type of music of anybody on Fluther.

But what I’m really interested in are the potlucks.

@poisonedantidote I might go for the funky gospel singing. I love that music! Good thought.

@ANef_is_Enuf Elijah Rock is great fun to sing. I feel lucky to sing with a group that may do a Mozart or Brahms Mass for one concert and Elijah Rocks and other such pieces at another.

@ANef_is_Enuf That was a damn cool link! I’m impressed they had enough singers with baritone like that in a school. (Unless it was some kind of music school, which would explain how they all were so awesome.)

I have family members who are religious, and I still live at home, so I sometimes end up reluctantly attending church services. Lately I have not been, as I’ve come more into my own and have politely declined instead of going along to keep the peace.
Anyway, I find holiday services excruciatingly boring. Regular services I find sort of alienating. I think the pastor at the church my family prefers is great – funny, down to earth, very kind – but I still feel out of place for obvious reasons.
The church newspaper is what actually frustrates me though. The services tend to be general enough that I can appreciate the teachings of love and even of the stories I don’t take stock in. But the paper is where they get into the politics of religion – if ever there should be such a thing – and I always end up somehow having one in my hand. They’re usually about the evil gays and how the atheists are ruining our devoutly Christian society, etc. Leaves me with a bad taste in my mouth.

Depending on the church, I actually quite enjoy it. It has to be a proper church preferably medeval. The service needs to be high church (you know needless Latin prayers and what not. Incense is always a bonus). I like it because it allows my mind to drift off and pretend I living in a different age.