How would you suggest handling sudden loneliness, serious depression and very few prospects of things brightening up any time soon?

Before pulling up stakes and moving, I would suggest addressing the depression by using techniques that I know have worked for me: meditation, medication, and exercise. I meditate briefly at least once a day. I use antidepressants, and I take a brisk walk at least 3 times a week.

Try fixing the inner problem where the person is now, before trying a geographical cure.

@hawaii_jake I agree partly, but is medication not just a temporary masking of the problem and not actual help in uprooting the cause? From personal experience, I have noticed that the moment the medication is gradually cut off, things go back to what they were.

What would I recommend? Therapy to gain self awareness.

@SpatzieLover do you honestly believe it all stems from that or could such a person actually be VERY aware of his weaknesses and simply not able to do something about them?

An abrupt change like moving abroad could actually worsen things. Not to mention abruptly leaving a stable job to become unemployed could possibly make the depression worse. I think overall, it would depend on what the person’s relationship is like with their family. Being family alone doesn’t mean the family will be supportive in the person’s time of need.

Honestly, trying to find out what’s causing the depression and working on that first would be the best idea.

@Seaofclouds what about the fact of not being able to handle the extreme loneliness? Is that not going to lead to a worse situation. Sitting at home alone and feeding on those problems with nobody to talk to seems like a recipe for disaster.

@ZEPHYRA Avoidance is the issue here. Going back to one’s family is not seeking comfort, IMO, it’s avoiding the underlying issues in one’s life.

If one knows one’s weaknesses and is not doing something about said weaknesses, that is avoidance.

I would suggest this person addresses the root issues before making any big decisions. In fact, I think this is a bad time to make such a huge decision. He’s still going to have to be with himself regardless of where he is in the world.
I would start seeing a therapist if I was in his shoes.

@ZEPHYRA As long as the person is depressed to the extent that it sounds in your original question, they aren’t going to want to seek people out for friendships/relationships/comfort or anything else. As they address and deal with their depression, they will become more open to talking to others and working on friendships. If they have friends that are concerned about them, the friends shouldn’t give up, just instead, give them time and be there for them.

I’d have to think about it more but at first glance I agree with you that massive change in perspective would be helpful. Moving home to family might suffice for that but if he doesn’t see his family in the exact same warm positive light that you see your family, then he may not consider that an option worth taking.

@ZEPHYRA In terms of medication working, it really depends on a few factors. For starters, why was the person depressed? If they just got randomly depressed for no reason, then that’s a sign of a chemical imbalance, and medication can help that. If it was because of something external (eg someone died, they suffered a trauma, etc), then medication can help lift them to a place where they can work on getting over that – but if they don’t do that hard work, then they will become depressed again when they go off it. Another factor is how long they’re on it. If they’re only on it for a few months, that’s not really time for their brain to relearn newer, healthier chemistry. I was on an SSRI for 4 years after several years of severe grief and trauma related depression. When I came off it, I continued to feel just as content, but I don’t think that would have happened if I hadn’t worked my butt off trying to get better through other means.

My reaction would be to meet with a professional whom you like and feel comfortable with, and talk to them about what’s going on. They can then help you figure out some kind of game plan.

Let me add my say about meds to @Aethelflaed.‘s Mental illness is not like physical illness. For most people, it is a chronic condition. It is something you will be dealing with the rest of your life. That means it has to be treated for the rest of your life.

Mental illness probably shouldn’t be called mental illness. It’s more like a broken brain. That is, the brain chemistry does not work in a normal way. The brain chemistry can be fixed in any number of ways. You can use therapy. You can use meds. You can use magnetic therapy or electroshock therapy. Your goal is to change the brain chemistry to something less painful.

Therapy is a difficult route because you have to practice a lot. Meds are easier, as are the other techniques…. if they work. And yes, you can restructure the brain chemistry so that you don’t need to work on it so hard any more. Then you can stop the treatments… or let them spread out.

I’ve been on meds for three years now. I am feeling pretty stable and have for a while and I’d like to get off some of my meds to see what happens. I need to talk to my shrink and see what happens.

@wundayatta , I sense though that deep inside you are wary of getting off some of those meds, aren’t you?

@wundayatta Well, some mental disorders are life-long. Some, rather fortunately, aren’t.

And, some aren’t mental “disorders” at all, they’re chronic “head script” problems that need therapeutic alteration.

@SpatzieLover “head scripts”? I’ve never heard this term before, what does it mean?

It’s the life story you repeat to yourself. Some people retell themselves the same thing over & over but expect a different outcome.

Another word for head script in psychology is self-schemata

An example of a head script gone wrong: Father parents a child. He wants child to do as he says. Child doesn’t change behavior. Dad keeps doing the same scolding, all the while thinking “my child should respect what I say and do it, because I am the parent”. The child has no idea what the dad is thinking. The father’s thought pattern needs to alter and a new discipline method needs to be attempted.
In this case, the dad was raised by a dad that spanked. Either he did precisely what his dad told him to do or he’d get hit. However, this dad vowed to himself that once he had a child, he wouldn’t hit. He never altered his thought process prior to having kids. He couldn’t see that discipline wouldn’t be affective without some sort of follow through (a time out, etc)

Head scripts often reflect the manner in which the person was raised.

If this is not about you or a close family member I’d suggest not getting involved. If something goes wrong you’ll be the one who gets the blame.

@ZEPHYRA I think anyone with a disorder that wreaks havoc with individuals and families and has a death rate of 20% would be wary of getting off the meds that keep him alive and his family together. If only we could be manic all the time.

We had a new woman in our group tonight. She was very manic. She was doing a lot, but one thing she wasn’t doing was eating. She looked like she had anorexia. She said she was trying to eat, but she never got hungry so she forgot to eat. She is working hard to feed herself. She is a beautiful woman—model beautiful, but it’s all erased by her thinness. Even so, she is juggling about 20 balls in the air and is holding it together, except for eating.

@Aethelflaed Yes, ‘tis fortunate when you don’t have a chronic condition. But we all deal with the hand were dealt.