You’ve had excellent advice so far, which you seem not to want to accept. You seem to want people to tell you some magic that you can use to determine:
– when a man is being honest with you;
– when a man wants to have a permanent (or at least semi-permanent / long-term) and exclusive relationship with you;
– how to tell a man’s long-term intentions after you’ve already started having (relatively) casual sex.
It’s just not possible. This is the story of the human condition. You simply cannot do these things. The best you can do is negotiate agreements with people, such as:
“Let’s date for a few more evenings / weeks / months / years and then maybe I’ll agree to have sex with you, after I decide (for myself, not on the basis of what you say or what others say) that you’re open, honest and committed to me.”
Or
“Let’s get married and form a very exclusive, private and permanent relationship first, and then you can have whatever I can give you.”
Or
“Let me tell you that I don’t want to have ‘casual sex’ and then change my mind after a very few dates and decide to have sex after all, and then wait… and wait… and wait… to see what you do.”
Either of the first two options is workable and practiced with pretty good success around the world. The third option is a losing proposition. Not only have you given up your primary bargaining chip (with some men, anyway, the kind who “only want the sex”), but you have given a very misleading signal to the man that “I don’t want casual sex” ... and then having what amounts to “casual sex” after just a few dates. He may decide – and in fact I know men who have made the decision – that you are then not to be trusted. In other words, how will you respond if the two of you happen to be separated for some length of time for whatever reason. He knows that your insistence on “no casual sex” is meaningless.
It’s been said that “Insanity is doing the same things over and over and expecting different results.” Don’t be insane. You have to change your behavior, not look for signs in his eyes, his kisses, his words and the great sex you may have. You have to decide whether your intent (to yourself – and it’s a good one) to “not have casual sex” is worth keeping, or are you going to “put out” (to put it in the vulgar vernacular) for any guy who calls for a second date?
Treat yourself (and your promises to yourself) with the respect you intend to receive from your partner. They will seldom respect you more than you respect yourself. Don’t lie to yourself.