Do I push boys away?

Asking that question is a bit too much for alot of people.
Why don’t you just keep it less personal? :)

Even people who are generally “open and honest” don’t generally share that kind of information very soon in a relationship. And your characterization of the question as “just joking” is disingenuous if you really expect to get a response.

Many more people, I think, sense “disingenuousness” as a form of dishonesty, and I’m inclined to think that way myself.

@QueenOfNowhere: “Ex, I could ask if he is a virgin on the first date (not being serious though, just to ask you know).”

Maybe you’re just meeting the fragile boys. There are males out there that enjoy a woman who isn’t shy.
Like many of the dating types of questions, I think it’s all about meeting the type of person who appreciates you. If those delicate flowers of boys you are meeting get scared off by you, maybe that’s a good thing – it weeds out the incompatible ones pretty quickly.

Depends on yours and theirs ages. Youngins IMO would be taken aback by a full thottle approach…thos with carnal knowledge would be more on board with those types of inquiries. :)

Be yourself. If someone is bothered by it then they should not be around you. Don’t try to change just to please others or be liked because after a while you won’t like it.

“Ex, I could ask if he is a virgin on the first date (not being serious though, just to ask you know).”

That is pretty big deal for guys. I’m not sure how you could say it without it being serious to him. If I was asked that on a first date I would take it as a insult. “I doubt that you can get laid”

It’s possible that you are pushing them away, but they are probably easy to push to start with. That kind of question would not bother me, I would tell you that not only am I a virgin, but that I’m the only virgin to have patiently maintained my gimp costume since I was 14. It depends how you say it.

Yes, more likely. Try to size up a boy first if he is someone more like you who would not clam up easily. You’ll click better.

Yes, I think you might push boys (and girls) away. We don’t know you and can only judge you by your words, and in this questions (and others I’ve seen from you) you have exhibited two off-putting characteristics: passive/aggressive behaviors and snippets of emotional preying.

I’m giving you a very blunt answer, and I don’t mean to be insensitive; but if you’re truly wanting to examine and possibly change a behavior, you’ve got to “out” the behavior first.

Exposing large amounts of personal information in the early stages of a relationship is sending a strong signal that you’re “preying” – you’re going in for the kill. If the other party reciprocates, then you pull back (just kidding!!- haha!!), the results can be devastating to the other party.

Likewise, probing language followed by “not serious” / “just a joke, right” is highly passive aggressive.

@picante “passive/aggressive behaviors and snippets of emotional preying” that sounds not much like me. I’m too friendly, too open and upfront and too “joyful” and curious that boys get scared immediately. I’m sorry if my questions made you think otherwise. The reason why I ask personal questions when I don’t know the person well is because I want to know the person I’m talking to in a more “bounding” way I guess. I’ve had always one person in my life and bounded with her so strong. I don’t like group friendships… Etc. I guess I’m not shy or afraid and won’t be turned off by the guy’s answers so I just ask away.
But I’m sure I probably came across different because I am different than what I write on fluther in real life. If you met me you would actually feel close to me, but here It’s the internet, ya know.
Lol your last paragraph is so true. Actually I do pull back! Man I’m so complicated, I don’t even deal with myself. GOOD LUCK FOR THE BOYS WHO WILL FALL FOR ME!!!

You’re missing @picante‘s point, @QueenOfNowhere. Whether you characterize your behavior as passive-aggressive or not, that’s how it is seen by others. And it is “others” in every case whose opinion matters on this issue. Your behavior is passive-aggressive, for a fact, according to the statements that you’ve made.

Even when that’s not the case, sometimes sharing too much information, too soon, tells the person about a character (or other) flaw that they’d just as soon not deal with, so they add up what you’ve said and make a quick calculation “not for me” and move on.

You have to move more slowly with men, or at least in a reciprocal manner to how they move with you. It’s a dance. If you’re doing a jitterbug while he’s attempting a waltz, he’s going to look for another dancing partner.

There’s no way I can offer a useful opinion without seeing how you behave and what you really do. You are convinced you are a certain way and yet you ask if this behavior drives boys away.

Resist the urge to make generalizations based on your behavior. There’s a good chance that the boys you meet are not connecting with you for other reasons.

However, even if they are driven from you by your open, friendly nature (which, if true, seems highly unlikely), there’s no purpose in trying to change your personality. You might tinker around the edges. You can learn to be more sensitive to others. You can learn to identify what they are feeling and stop doing the things that cause them to feel this way.

But you can not change your core personality and you shouldn’t want to. You just need to find the right boy to connect with. If you do try to change your core personality, you will fail and worse, you will become a confusing, dishonest, mixed up character.

There’s nothing wrong with you @QueenOfNowhere. Just listen more and talk less. It’s simple, rare, attractive, and sets you apart from all the other chatty cathy’s. It’s really simple.

I couldn’t disagree more with the “move more slowly with men” sentiment common above. I guess it’s all about preferences, etc. I find a woman who is up-front and open discussing anything extremely attractive and not offensive at all. I would never have guessed there would be men arguing that their fragility be considered.
@QueenOfNowhere – I still vote for finding the men who are not put off or shattered by such behavior.

@CWOTUS Okay, can you describe me the passive aggressive behavior? I read somewhere it says it makes people think I’m negative and angry all the time. Is that what you mean? I don’t think you could conclude that from my question… I’m not angry and negative all the time and I don’t look like that, opposite wise I’m TOO cheery and happy and loving to everyone around me all the time, people ask me why I am always this positive and find the good part of the bad places.

@tom_g Thank you tom. “move more slowly with men” is the perfect way to go. Also, I do think I’m always falling for the shy, unexperienced guys too. I guess that is another negative…

Let’s get away from labels, shall we, @QueenOfNowhere. Whether you are or are not passive aggressive hardly matters. The fact is that if you ask someone a very personal question about himself, such as “Are you a virgin?” but do it in passing, or in a joking manner or as if you don’t expect a response, or a serious response, then how is he to answer?

If you start a conversation with someone, especially someone who is unknown to you and may be feeling his own pressures to keep up with you in the conversation – and working on his own comfort level about “What do I share?”, and you switch between “like a kid sometimes” and “serious the other times”, but you don’t make it clear when the transition occurs, then he’s lost in the conversation. In other words, you are manipulating his responses in a way that bad interviewers often do, but catching the person off guard or in a moment of uncertainty that may lead to “untruthfulness”. In that case “you win” the conversational battle, but you lose the potential friend or lover, since he’s blown away.

When I have a conversation with someone – regardless of context – I try to make sure of their level of literacy and humor, so that when I make a joke or witticism they know very clearly that this is what has just happened. And when I’m speaking with someone whose command of language isn’t as great as mine (or who doesn’t feel the desire or comfort in sharing things that I might be comfortable with), then I tailor my speech to what will be understood and accepted (even if not ‘agreed with’) by the other party.

I think (again, without labels) that your desire / need / compulsion to “spill the beans” about yourself is a sort of information overload. You recognize the effect it’s having (apparently, or you wouldn’t have asked the question) but you seem to be asking “What is the matter with these guys?” instead of altering your own behavior.

How (you say) you perceive yourself isn’t the issue here. It’s how others perceive you that matters. I know a number of people who have a seemingly jolly front – and who can be the most vicious and cutthroat conversationalists you could ever hope to meet. I’m not saying “this is what you are”, but false (or suspect) bonhomie is a red flag to me.

Why get away when you make a very self sure statement? I just asked you what it means in my case if it’s not negativity because I wan’t to know. But that’s okay. I never say what’s the matter with these guys because I know that the problem is with me. But, what you said helps a lot actually I’ve never looked at it like a conversation but I guess I was always acting or saying whatever I WANT, and that is not right in most cases. I talk like everyone is the same, but I should talk according to what everyone is like( they all are different)