How would you deal with this racist person/situation?

Oh, that is a terrible situation. Perhaps she could subtly let them know that she heard? I would think most people would apologize, and if not, at least they would be shamed.

But I really don’t know. I’ve never really dealt with anything worse than having to remind someone that their racist humor was not appreciated.

Is it really any different than saying that white guys can’t jump, something I heard all the time in high school sports. People thought it was funny.

Stab them in the face. It’s what Asians do. All Asians are ninjas, after all.~

It may sound trivial, any other day place and time my friend could just brush it off, but it actually spoilt her mood a fair bit.

BTW, this was said in a “I know you ca hear me” tone of voice, in front of a crowd of people she had just been socializing with, and none of them said or did a thing about it.

If I heard that, I’d tell them that they were making a generalization, and that I never heard such thing. Then I asked them why they think that is so, and explain it to me. If they had a hard time explaining it to me, or gave me a simple-minded, silly answer, then I’d tell them “Well see how ridiculous your assumption is?”

I’d then walk away, and within listening distance mutter “Well, at least we Asians don’t go out and get pregnant and contract all sorts of hideous, disgusting sexually transmitted diseases, and lower the country’s IQ. No wonder there are so many dumb assholes like you around.” (wink)

I’d just leave it alone. Completely alone. It’s not as if it’s a real racial stereotype, is it? And even if it were, it’s hardly a “belligerent”, ugly or demeaning stereotype. It’s just one of the stupid things that people say from time to time without thinking, and it means pretty much nothing.

@CWOTUS Leave it alone was my first thought too, but something about it has that “this is just the start of it” ring to it.

Yeah, I agree with you there. Because of the circumstances you mentioned, that it was said in an apparently catty way and so that she would hear it, I have no doubt that there is something personal going on there. But attempting to “answer” this idiotic “slur” would take her to a place that she really doesn’t want to go. She’ll get more props from ignoring it – and watching her back.

It may be time for her to sort of go on the offensive about being more outgoing and friendly, even if she doesn’t intend to make close personal or long-lasting relationships. The “charm offensive”, that is.

I’d challenge them on their (ridiculous) statement. Much like @MRSHINYSHOES says, but without the unnecessary counter attack.

@augustlan Lol…I was just kiddin with the counter attack. ;)

Typical Asian joke.

@MRSHINYSHOES Good to know. :)

@augustlan Hence the “wink”.

@CWOTUS I know many Asian jokes, but they’re not as good as the white jokes I have heard. ;)

Oh, tell me, please. I need Indian jokes, especially. For real.

Oh, I must be Asian too because I’m alone in my room and it’s 10 o’clock.
What the fuck? Who says that kind of thing? Oh, wait I know, a moron.
I’d leave it be, unless it continues, everyone probably already knows that person is an idiotic, insensitive asshole.

@CWOTUS You mean “native Indian” jokes? Or East Indian jokes?

On the other hand…

I think he may have been flirting with her… Speaking a bit loudly so that she could hear, hoping to roust her out of her room to go out and socialize with them. British humor can be offensive, sarcastic and very very dry. Just ask Monte Python.

Honestly, looking at the circumstances and the exact wording quoted… I think they may have been trying to get her out to have some fun.

New Delhi Indian; the real deal; Asian Indians.

And some people (like myself) make friends by with a bit of the old poke and jab. It doesn’t hurt anyone to have their metal tested. We may become great famous fiendish pals once I see how thick your skin is.

@RealEyesRealizeRealLies You’re right. I had a Japanese friend who was born in the U.S., but went to England to study for a few years. She said she rarely experienced racism in the U.S., but in England it was much more common.

@CWOTUS I only know one native Indian joke. :(

Was it racism or just a different style of making new friends? Those Brits can be pretty cad (in a friendly sort of way). Ahhh, but my saying that makes me a racist against Brits… does it really?

@RealEyesRealizeRealLies She said it was racism. I believe her.

Is it racism because she said it was? He said “Asians go to their room alone”.

I said “British humor can be offensive, sarcastic and very very dry.”

Does that make me a racist against Brits? My comment could be taken as just as much of an insult as the OP’s comment.

I’m trying to put myself in the shoes of the Brit. I’m imagining myself in the presence of a new co-worker that never goes out at night. We’re all there for the same reasons, and some of us regulars like to go out and party. There’s a new girl in town and she’s from… hmmm let’s say Denmark. As me and the crew are heading out, we’re curious about the new girl. Thinking it might be fun to do more than “socialize” during our work day, I make an obviously loud comment as we pass by her doorway… “Oh, where is X, oh thats right, X has gone to her room, because thats what Danes do, they go to their room alone.”

Does that make me racist against Danes?

@RealEyesRealizeRealLies I think if the guy doesn’t know her very well, even if he is trying to be humo-u-rous, it’s in poor taste. Now if the person in question was a good friend of X, yeah ok brit dry wit is borderline but still ok probably. The fact that the comment was not said to her, by a close friend would suggest something… other than wit.
I’m an a bit of an anglophile when it comes to humour too, so I am not being un-sympathetic.

The OP made it clear that they had “socialized”. I don’t know if that qualifies as a friend or not but if not, how will a new girl in town who goes to her room every night make friends otherwise?

I think the point I’m trying to make is one that questions if true racism is manifest when a person interprets a comment, or how a person intends the comment. She may have interpreted it that way, but that does not mean it was intended that way at all. Now if I’m heading out for the eve, there may already be a few drinks in me to get the night started. Those drinks may loosen my tongue to the degree that I feel friendlier than I normally would around those who may not think I should.

It may have been a blatant racist comment. But something just doesn’t add up to racism here, for me at least. Could have just been a couple of friendly blokes attempting to spark a response worthy of joining them. I don’t know. I don’t know nannnnnn.

@poisonedantidote “BTW, this was said in a “I know you ca hear me” tone of voice, in front of a crowd of people she had just been socializing with, and none of them said or did a thing about it.”

Well that settles it for me then. They didn’t do anything because they understood it was sarcasm and not racism. We here on fluther are obviously not privy to the level of sarcasm that group shared with one another. To be in an “I know you can hear me” tone, amongst others… come on, that’s not racism. The guy is a friendly jerk at best, with a total lack of tact considering the new girl from a foreign land might be embarrassed. But that’s just not racism at all. How could everyone here on fluther jump to her defense yet the crowd she was with didn’t? Doesn’t add up at all. Unless she was socializing with a crowd of racists and they all set her up for a sting. I don’t think social workers operate like that.

The person who made the comment sounds like a real asshole, regardless of whether they meant it to be a racist remark or not. It doesn’t sound like a cruel racist joke, necessarily, but certainly ignorant and immature. I would just avoid that person as I would typically avoid anyone who thought it funny to make a comment like that in the first place, but if she wanted to confront the commenter she would have every right to do so. I don’t think it matters if they had malicious intent or not; it was still really rude and uncalled for.

I don’t think I would care to socialize with them either. That is probably what I would tell them if they said anything more about me going to my room.

Sounds like the person who said that and maybe other too feel your friend’s quiet nature is actually a brush off of them.

How would I deal with it? I’d find one person in the group of volunteers I felt most comfortable with and admit to them I feel a bit shy and awkward yet. That’s about it, word will get around that I’m not actually stuck up.

Good standard to judge by: if a white dude decides he gets to decide what’s racist, that’s racist.