If I was invited to a coworker's party for her son, and I didn't attend, should I give a gift anyway?

No gift.

A 3 yr-old? No need. That crap is used once, if at all, and then forgotten. And a check, in my opinion, is fairly insulting. Especially for a toddler who has no idea what money is.

I don’t know why you wanted to go if you don’t like this person. I would think you’d be glad of an easy out. Stay home and enjoy your lake. It’s definitely hot enough for that!

Only if you like the family. Which you don’t, so no need to give anything. Over the weekend we couldn’t attent my husband’s co-worker’s son’s b-day but we really wanted to go. We gave a present anyway.

No gift. Or if you have to, a toy from the dollar store. But really, no gift – I rebel against the idea that gifts are always required but attendence is not; it should be that if you can’t enjoy the cake the provide for you, they don’t get to enjoy the present you bought for them.

It’s hard to tell if she wanted you to come or not. On the one hand, I can see her just trying to be understanding and thinking that you two aren’t really close enough for it to be a big deal. On the other hand, I can also see her thinking “Oh, thank God, I felt like I had to invite you because we work together, and never wanted you there in the first place, so this is perfect!”. I’m sure my indecision will be invaluable in helping your indecision.

When I worked in a small office then this was a topic that often came up when someone had a birthday or whatever and they wanted to gather outside of work hours. Everyone would be given an invite but it was pretty easily understood only friends were really expected to show up.

Without knowing either the co-worker or you, my guess is that the invitation was extended as a kind gesture to include you so that there were no ill feelings about being left out. She may have just been attempting to let you know it was okay that you not attend, especially since you already had other plans. Maybe it was a tacit way of asking you to commit to attending or not. Planning for a party can be frustrating if you don’t know how many people might show up.

As for a gift, I don’t know why someone would expect one from anyone not attending a birthday party in this scenario. If I had any doubts about it, I’d go ahead and get something. It won’t do any harm.

Since you didn’t attend the party and the co-worker is merely a co-worker and not a close friend, then you have no need/obligation to give a gift.

If you had gone to the party, I think a check is a very odd choice of a gift to give a 3 year old, unless you were specifially telling the parents that the check was for his/her college fund and you also gave the child a toy. That’s the whole fun of going to little kids’s birthday parties, so you can see the delighted look on their face when they unwrap a toy. I’ve got a bunch of little neices and nephews and it’s really fun to go to their birthday parties, but it would be very awkward to go to the party of a kid I didn’ know, or a co-worker whom I didn’t consider to be a close friend (outside of work).

I don’t think the person who invited you was being insulting by saying that it was OK if you didn’t come. Most people realize that some people will have other plans on the same day as any event that they might be hosting.

The thing that does seem a little off, though, is the fact that your co-worker, who isn’t really a friend, would invite most if not all of her co-workers to the party. Maybe she was trolling for presents, or maybe she doesn’t have any real friends.

If I gave the impression that she and I are not friendly, I was mistaken with my communication. We are friendly at work, but we don’t hang out outside of work, or call each other on our days off or anything like that.

@jca: You’re work associates, nothing more. If it was an after work cocktails gathering for your co workers birthday then that would be a thing you might attend and give a gift for but that person’s private family stuff, no. An inquiry of acknowledgement bout the event is polite.