Social Question

poisonedantidote's avatar

Could it be that some people are born but not alive?

Asked by poisonedantidote (21680points) August 1st, 2011

This may not make a whole lot of sense, because I was just out having a drink with my old man, but here goes anyway.

As a teenager, I used to see documentaries on TV from time to time, talking about serial killers. I always found it worrying that I found it so easy to relate to the killers, specially when it came to psychopaths who allegedly understand but don’t feel emotion.

As a child I was instantly drawn to Spok on Star Trek as soon as I found out about him. I loved the idea of a logical being who did not feel emotions.

Before the age of 16–17 or so, I never felt a damned thing other than occasional anger, or other selfish emotions. I would watch movies where all kinds of emotions were displayed, and while I understood and could anticipate what reactions certain emotions would cause, I had never felt them my self, not really. Perhaps I once thought that I had felt it, but I never had.

I am now 28 years old. I am capable of making moral decisions, I feel empathy, and a wide range of emotions, but it was not always like that.

The more time passes, the more I am convinced that I was some form of the living dead previously. I am starting to suspect, that maybe I’m not born yet, or that perhaps I was only born recently.

See, I am still the same “me” as when I was 4 years old. The same emotionless and selfish creature that I was, still lives within me. There was no restart, my eyes have been open the entire time they have seen, I’m still me, yet somehow I’m not.

I can remember certain keypoints in my life, that I now suspect were responsible for kick-starting me in to being alive.

It has only been since I was 19 or so, that I have started changing. I am now capable of not only acting like I know, but knowing that I know what those people in all those movies felt.

The question is… before this gets any vaguer… Is it possible to be born, live, and yet not be alive?

Could it be something that only happens to a select few? or is it something everyone experiences?

Is it possible, that some people, are just walking shells until a certain age?

Is it possible that some people are never anything but a hollow shell?

I now feel like a person, like I exist, before I always felt unsure about who I was, I always knew what I wanted, but not always why. Is this normal?

Old folk… How much more is there to come?

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17 Answers

everephebe's avatar

Take this and it back to us.

poisonedantidote's avatar

@everephebe

The test results don’t suggest
strong psychopathic tendencies.

This does not mean the person isn’t a potential mass-murderer. They may be mad, they may resort to violence. A close professional or emotional relationship with even the most normal of people may prove to be a damaging, or at least boring, experience.

EDIT: I’d say that sounds about 75% true.

EDIT2: I took the test again, this time trying to get a strong result, what it had to say still sounded 75% true.

SpatzieLover's avatar

Have you ever taken this quiz? Some of your questions have made me wonder in the recent past.

It may be that you are emotionally immature. There are ways you can develop your emotional maturity.

poisonedantidote's avatar

@SpatzieLover

Score: 20

EDIT: I’m not sure how I would have scored on these tests 10 years ago.

SpatzieLover's avatar

Do you think you are possibly emotionally stunted for your age?

Cruiser's avatar

I think you need to change the water in your Bong! ;)

everephebe's avatar

I got an 11 on @SpatzieLover‘s test link. You know for a “control” statistic. Or not.

poisonedantidote's avatar

@SpatzieLover For my age, no. 10 years ago, totally.

@Cruiser No bogs for nearly a month now :D

poisonedantidote's avatar

This may sound very odd… I had people tell me I was way over reacting last time I mentioned this. A massive change for me, was the first time I watched pale blue dot for the first time.

It must have just cought me at the right moment or something, but the first time I stumbled on this video, it made me break down.

I remember how it started talking about love, and shortly in to the video, I was welling up with tears. Once it mentioned the part about the rivers of blood, it felt like I had been stabbed. Since that day, there have been noticable changes.

YARNLADY's avatar

There are many in the medical profession who study brain activity from birth and on. What most of the people above me have said is speculation and conjecture, but the every possibility is likely.

linguaphile's avatar

Ben Franklin said some people die at 25 and aren’t buried until 75. I love that quote—

I think some of our brains need more time to develop depth and sensitivity, and some people never do develop it. Some people (like my son) were born empathetic. Seeing that you’ve gotten to where you have developed a sense of emotions, I think you’re fine :D I’d be more concerned if you had said, “I feel nothing, including no empathy whatsoever.”

rock4ever's avatar

I think you were just emotionally cold. I went threw the same thing, but for a shorter time and because of trauma. I’m glad to hear that you’re feeling more emotions :)

gondwanalon's avatar

I’m an old folk. For me every new day is as good as I make it. Make the most of every day that you have. Perhaps some professional counseling can help you. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

Everyone that’s born is alive. Not everyone is good at feeling emotions.

ZEPHYRA's avatar

@poisonedantidote you are just fine, perhaps one of the more balanced people around.

trailsillustrated's avatar

this is such an interesting question! I don’t know what your beliefs are but it is possible that you are in your first incarnation and therefore these feelings are unfamiliar to you or undeveloped, or that you reincarnated too soon, as can happen with sudden or traumatic endings such as soldiers, natural disasters, accidents, in which the being comes back much sooner than usual- my mum told me that there was a huge incidence of this after ww2.

Berserker's avatar

Anger and such are easy to adopt, especially as a teen, as it is a time of confusion and turbulence. Making relations from yourself to serial killing is also quite easy, because of the satisfaction one may get from this alliance when it comes to life’s frustration. Although I don’t think we understand murderers unless we are a murderer. Stupid affiliation, really. Quite immature.
When I was a kid and teen I had problems with anger, and had to see a shrink about it. Seems to have settled down, but it’s not to say that I didn’t feel anything else. I did, but dismissed most of it or turned it into something else, some justification of some kind or another. I still got anger problems, but like you, I’ve learned to have something other than that, which is just as important. Need some balance, we need ourselves some yin and some yang.
Maybe the extremes are different in many cases and it varies from person to person, but I don’t think it’s living without being alive. I ain’t no zombie. But such things are not phases which are unheard of.

Perhaps some people live without living, like alcoholics, or people who spend all their time on Facebook. But such sad and sorry states are probbaly a lot more complicated and fucked up than discovering your emotions and learning to cope with em.

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