Would you date someone that had five children?

If I was dating, the ol’ girl would probably be at the age where all her kids are gone and out of the house. That’s just on guy’s view on this.

I would. I always wanted a large family. I would think about/have concerns with knowing that I’d need to win over 5 hearts more rather than just one – that’s a lot of pressure.

My husband married me with three. He is a saint. It was really really hard, but worth it. (Well, my husband may not agree today. My 28 year old bi-polar son is in the hospital again and it is still hard.)

After reaching a point in age when I thought that my only chance in a partner was a divorced man, I met a guy with five children. We became exceptionally close. The problem had nothing to do with the children. They were fabulous. Had it worked out, it would have been a challenge because the children’s mother and their own faith was entrenched in the Morman church which I do not support, nor did their father anymore. It took him years to convince his children that he was not evil, not doing the wrong thing, etc. I don’t know if I could have put up with that, even if I cared for him more than a friend.

Good god, no. I only see one benefit to that: wanting to be a parent, but skipping all the birth and medical bills. Love is not that strong. I’m getting a headache just thinking about such a situation.

Yes! I have asked my mom more than once how she raised 5 kids and she said…“Easy….you guys raised yourself” I thought Brilliant! So date away you won’t even notice the extra bodies in the house except on shopping day. Enjoy!

Honestly no, anything more than 4 starts to be a little too much for my taste. Plus I want kids of my own some day, and that would bump the number even higher.

One, sure, two is fine too, three I would need to think about, and four the other person would need to be very special, five, I just can’t see it.

Dating, yes. Marrying, no.

When I was single, I dated a young lady who had two young sons, and though we got along well, I didn’t like her kids at all. They were wary of me and I thought they were little brats. However, it didn’t really get in the way of me dating their mother and liking it.

The disadvantage of dating someone with children is that you have to try to get along with them, and have them get along with you. That takes additional energy and time. There’s more emotional baggage involved, and more sacrifice.

The advantage is that it kind of prepares you for parenthood, in a small way, because her children become sort of your children for a little while. But if you don’t like them, like I didn’t like those boys, then it has little advantage.

I would never marry a woman with children, unless the children were really good kids. I mean really good kids.

If he had 5 kids from multiple mothers, NO way. That man would be an alley cat and likely should be spending more than 100% of his paychecks on child support for all those different mothers. Also, I’d count on him to be schmoozing up some other lady if I got pregnant with baby #6—which you know would happen on like the second date because I swear guys like that could get a woman pregnant just by looking at a picture of the lady.

Can you imagine if something goes sour and one of those kids said something like “You’re not my real father/mother!”? My heart would break.

Not in this economy.

We would have to be talking about one charming woman if I was in that position to choose. If the kids are running roughshod in the place that would be a red flag with run away…fast embroided on it.
But I’m not in a position to even think about it. I’m an old fart and my kid wrangling days are way behind me and besides I wouldn’t want her kids to confuse me with grandpa. That would be awkward.

fuck no

I went out with a guy who had three kids – they lived with his ex-wife in the next state over. They liked me and are in my Facebook to this day. I tried to encourage him to see them often, so we could do things together. I had them all up to my house for weekends and stuff like that.

Five kids? i am not sure. Five is a lot. Three was a lot, except those kids were teens and so not so needy as far as time and attention went.

Blackberry, your answer almost knocked me out of my chair. You told it like it is and sometimes the truth hurts.

I have mixed feelings about this for this reason: I have answered calls where the woman had five children by five different fathers. This situation would blow my mind.

It would take a very strong man to marry a woman with five children and he has none of his own. Both would probably have to work and babysitters would take a chunk of your money.

Todays answer is no.

Only if her ex-husband had custody.

Hell. Fucking. No.

I could deal with one or two…but five? That’s insane.

@FutureMemory Her first husband is dead, he ate poisoned mushrooms. Her second husband is also dead, he fell down the stairs… he refused the eat the mushrooms.

@KatetheGreat One or two would be manageable but five is a tribe. You could be the big chief, with war paint….yeah, I could see it.

Hey, if their ages are right, you could start your own rock and roll band.

Just a thought.

No. I don’t want children, and I definitely don’t want someone else’s.

@john65pennington Lol. I really should work on that.

@woodcutter Hahaha. You got that right.

Fact from fiction, truth from diction. When I was still in the hunt I thought about that, even down to if she had only one kid. I had to weight the pros and the cons. A lot of that was influenced by the age of the kids also,

Pros:
• Chances are you don’t have to go through the diaper and potty training phase, or not more than once.
• No up-all-night sessions with a newborn.
That is about it.

Con:
• You have kids who you have to gain respect from because ”you are not their father”.
• If the father is still in the picture you have him throwing salt in the game.
• She might be done with kids so you do not have one of your own.
• If you do have one of your own, the other children might bet jealous.
• If the kids are too old they will never see you has the replacement for their father unless he was a grade AAA butt nugget.
• You have five additional people to try and look after and mesh with.

The cons out weighed the pluses, but I really tried to give a woman with kids all the bebefit of a single woman without any.

If this is your situation @beachbum76, then I truly admire your strength. And please know there are men out there who desperately want to be a part of something bigger than themselves. If you are worried that it cannot happen, then please know that it definitely can.

My biggest question is wondering how a woman with five children would have the time or interest in dating anyone. Is this how we get an even half dozen?

Did number 5 child arise from asking the question…
“Would you date anyone that had four children”?

I know there are unique circumstances and all but really, I’m wondering how this works.

Geez, people…what is up with all the judgment?

@Simone_De_Beauvoir I guess I could have toned it down. Sorry :(

All five kids are from the same two parents, they are now divorced.

That makes a big difference and thank you for answering with more details.

What ages are the children? Is the bio dad around and paying support? Does your family provide time support away from the kids? What’s the visitation arrangement?

See what I mean? There are too many variables and not enough information to present a qualified answer. Regardless of the situation, this can be accomplished. Some of it depends upon if you just want man sex, or if you want to date and keep the kids completely oblivious to the relationship. Or if you’re looking for a replacement dad…

Spill the beans for a better answer.

probably not. ..

but, who knows.

I would not date a person with five kids, nor would I date a person with even one kid. I don’t want to have any kids of my own and I especially do not want anybody else’s kids.

Now a guy with 5 dogs or 5 cats or even 5 geese, that’s a whole nother story : )

There is no real story here. I started talking to a guy that has 5 children and as soon as I found that out, I stopped talking to him. I really do not want to start a relationship with a guy with that many kids, or maybe any kids for that matter, as I don’t have any. I just wondered if others would have reacted the way I did or if I was just being selfish. That’s why I asked the question the way I did, I didn’t want to sway any answers.

If they were all like the “Five Little Peppers”....maybe. link

@Blackberry… You always make me laugh (even when you are giving me a hard time.) That was a funny answer.

@DarlingRhadamanthus I read that book! I loved it.

A friend of mine is a single father of four children ages 6 thru 15. The eldest, his daughter, is all about the bling and mommy is a terrible role model in jail. He’s got it tough and does what he can to date. But his responsibilities for running the kids around and providing enough income are his first priorities. Any woman who approaches that must understand that she will always come last.

I love my stepkids like my own flesh and blood.

Having said that, I would never date another person with children in the future, if things didn’t work out between my husband and I.

@RealEyesRealizeRealLies Exactly! I don’t think I could or would ever come first in that type of relationship, so I didn’t even get past a few conversations with him.

I seriously doubt it. My fiancee has 3 teenagers and I thought long and hard about what that meant as far as looking at him as relationship material- not even envisioning marriage stuff.

If a person with 5 kids is financially responsible and still has time and means to invest in a partnership, kudos to them but I just don’t think I’d step up for it.

Advantages? I suppose is you couldn’t have children of your own and if the children were responsive to you then you could play happy family.

Disadvantages? There are forever until the end of life, 5 other people who come first before you in terms of resources and time. Truth is, most people put their kids before their relationships/marriage partners.

Alright @beachbum76 you seem like a nice gal so don’t guilt out over someone else’s situation. We all must sleep in the beds we make for ourselves. This guy needs a maid first, an independently wealthy income second, and a big fat reality check third. His priorities for dating shouldn’t even be on the radar until the kids are gah-rown and nearly gone.

I don’t want to deal with kids that carry my genes, let alone someone else’s. I’m quite happy with being an uncle, where when the kids start acting like brats, I can give them back to my siblings.

@beachbum76 Well of course you’re being selfish. Do you need the internet to absolve you of this somehow? What are romantic link-ups if not selfish?
@RealEyesRealizeRealLies Do you think all women (since you assumed it was a woman looking for a replacement dad, etc.) are all about trapping men? Seriously.

Let me tell you a few little snippets from 2011 reality with just 3 teens that we have only every few weekends.

$324.00 per child, per dentist visit X 2. Every month. $1944.00

Child support (this is less than many people’s) $1300.00

Two days of food for just 3 teens (they never stop) $200.00

Can you imagine 5!

@Neizvestnaya Wow, who can afford five kids??

Here’s the thing. Get to an age beyond 30 years old and it seems there are no people out there who’ve waited to have kids with a marriage partner or else they are crappily divorced, bickering all the time and buried in debt. I know, I tried to find someone unencumbered for a decade, even dated 10–14yrs younger than myself. Pickings are slim!

Yes @Simone_De_Beauvoir. I believe that all women in this situation are all about trapping men.

that’s why I said: “If this is your situation @beachbum76, then I truly admire your strength. And please know there are men out there who desperately want to be a part of something bigger than themselves. If you are worried that it cannot happen, then please know that it definitely can.”

and

“There are too many variables and not enough information to present a qualified answer. Regardless of the situation, this can be accomplished. Some of it depends upon if you just want man sex, or if you want to date and keep the kids completely oblivious to the relationship. Or if you’re looking for a replacement dad… Spill the beans for a better answer.”

Forgive me please.

@RealEyesRealizeRealLies I was asking, not stating. If you don’t believe that, fine but there was no need to assume she was a she and that she was having babies by different men no matter what…as if there is something wrong with that? What is exactly wrong with a woman who has 5 children by 5 different men? Enlighten me, please.

There is nothing inherently wrong with the situation. I know a woman right now that is raising five foster kids on her own without even knowing the dads. Two of them were on my LL baseball team and I picked them up because there were no other male figures in their lives to do it. If the men are stepping up and taking responsibility, then I gots no problems with anybody spitting out the kids

My earlier words questioned the underlying motivations that lead to such a situation.

There is no shortage of welfare slum mommies that base their pregnancies and exchange their daddy’s in for cashing in another check from Uncle Sam to feed the fatherless child. Many of them neglect the child and trade the food stamps away for bling and crack.

No. I don’t want kids, and other people’s kids are (usually, and definitely for me) all the downsides about kids, with none of the upsides. Plus, I feel I deserve a partner who can put me on the top of his priority list (after the ones everyone has, like paying rent, feeding themselves, etc) at least in the beginning of the relationship, and the kids deserve a parent who puts them first, so it’s a whole compatibility thing.

@RealEyesRealizeRealLies Oh yes, the proverbial welfare crackwhore using her kids for money – ‘cause men don’t ever use women for other reasons or for drugs, etc.? How many more ‘welfare slum mommies’ are there in comparison to men who abandon their families? I agree with you that kids should be cared for but you provide no room for the mother’s agency. She is only okay in your eyes if she somehow ensured that all her baby daddies are present and cooperating (when we know, given the demographic we’re actually discussing, that those fathers have a lot working against them, systemically…same for the mothers) and if she doesn’t, then we should immediately think her addicted to crack?
My google has virus, this isn’t over.

ermmm… did you miss when I said that the woman above doesn’t even know the daddy’s? And why would you assume that my saying that “there is no shortage of welfare slum mommies” means that I “immediately think her addicted to crack”?

I said “Many of them…”

You’re preaching to the choir with “given the demographic we’re actually discussing, that those fathers have a lot working against them”… Did you also miss when I said “I know there are unique circumstances…”?

Now if you just feel like blowing some steam by arguing with someone, that’s fine. You know I’m good for that and would be happy to oblige you old friend. But if you’re trying to trap me in some kind of he said/she said game, then please leave me be. You know my intentions are for good. You know we don’t agree on every social issue. And I know I’m not going to go tit for tat defending every presumption that you read beyond my actual comments.

Because my intention (to date) is to eventually find a mate.. If I were financially stable, I would. I love large families and would spoil the lot. (no downside)..

The number of children is not the deal breaker for me; it’s the ages, whether they are good kids or not, how messed up or okay the family is, how stable the finances are.

I went out with a woman I met on match a little while ago that I really liked. She’s smart, good looking, in shape, sexy but not skanky, witty and kind. The problem? her kids are classmates of my kids. I knew that the whole thing would blow up at school if we kept seeing each other.

As someone said above, there are too many variables to give a response, each situation and each potential spouse is different.

Yes. If the person had similar ideals on raising children and the ex-wife was polite.

I admit that it would be easier to consider if it wasn’t an “ex” but the person was a widower.

@RealEyesRealizeRealLies I have read all your comments. Come to think of it right now, I’m not going to continue with this. It’s a new day. A lot of this is triggering to me.