What do you, as a parent, do differently because of what you lacked as a child? (See details)

- I’m not going to abandon my kids.
– Honest communication is encouraged and common in my house.
– The question, “why?” is very common in my house.
– It’s (practically) a tv-free environment.

Financial security is still something we’re working on, but I don’t think my kids will be that much better off than I was.

I guaranteed my children would receive an upbringing where their father played an integral, hands on, loving role. I can safely say, thus far, that has been successfully achieved.

I do my part to ensure this nation will no longer suffer the consequences of children growing up in a fatherless society.

No kids, but if I did, better health care.Go to the doctor guys. You’re no use to your kids if you’re dead.

I do my part to ensure this nation will no longer suffer the consequences of children growing up indoctrinated in a religious environment that ensures they will undoubtedly carry the baggage of guilt and self righteous judgement upon them into adulthood, thereby removing the affect that narrow minded and immature dogma can have in butchering the development of their world view.

We certainly talk about God, but it is in context to life experiences and balanced with a healthy dose of science and skepticism. I encourage them to determine their own paths and to be wary of anyone, anything which claims to hold a market share on the truth.

I lift them up in respect to their potentiality, but never prevent them from learning the most valuable lessons won by falling flat on their face. They understand that failing is nothing more than an invitation to own up to their decisions, and provides opportunity to hold themselves accountable to their own actions, rather than being unjustly held accountable by some jaded religious doctrine.

Grand grand words, @RealEyesRealizeRealLies , but very broad. What specifically do you do as a parent?

I raise my children.

@RealEyesRealizeRealLies I must ask. Were you raised by extremists who took things really seriously? I can’t understand where the above post comes from then.

Anyway what I lacked as a kid most already have these days. Not to mention that if you have to much now you want even more. The more we try to give the more they will want.

Though I’ll support tom’s post about communication

I was raised from early childhood in a Pentecostal church. Some may call that extremist. I call it ignorant.

I would give my children a fighting chance at life…instead of just fighting with them.

The only thing I learned as a kid that I definitely have done differently is to have only 2 kids. Having 5 kids under one roof was chaos, mayhem and near constant conflict. No wonder both my parents worked all those long hours! lol!

I don’t have children, but the one thing I would hope to do differently than my parents is not to fight as much with my husband. Otherwise I would probably be a lot like my parents, fauts and all.

I do appreciate everybody’s input, but mostly I’d love to know what the parents are conscious of doing differently. For example, in our house growing up, there was a very 50s attitude that “children should be seen and not heard” and that disagreeing with an adult, any adult, was never acceptable. It left me with the vague feeling that arguing with anyone taller, older, or in a position of authority was not OK. I spent a long time getting over that. As a result, I tried to encourage Katawagrey to express herself. Not to argue for it’s own sake, as two and three year olds tend to do, but to actively engage in discussion, and I tried to let her know that her opinion was welcome. Just one example.

Agreed @JilltheTooth… a perfect example of raising your child rather than shuffling them under the rug or letting pop culture raise them for you.

Not a parent, but one of the things I always tried to do with my nieces and nephews when they were little was to get down on the floor so I was at their level. I didn’t want them to have to look up at me.That and push books on them constantly and read to them as much as possible.

@JilltheTooth Maybe I am confusing you with someone else? I thought you were Jewish? I only ask because I have never heard someone Jewish say they had a children should be seen but not heard attitude in the house they were raised in.

@JLeslie : Yup, you’re confused. Not raised Jewish, very WASP household.

@JilltheTooth Ok, you almost ruined a stereotype and prejudice I have in my head, wouldn’t want to do that LOL. Seems you line up perfectly wit what I would assume. Protestant clergy also seem to want their followers to be seen and not heard and not to question. I think it all sort of fits like a puzzle.

@JilltheTooth I am honestly not conscious of anything I would say I am doing because what did or didn’t happen for me as a child. I do what I do for my kids because it is what I feel is what is best for them with what I have available to do for and with them. Plus my life is very different from my parents responsibilities. But what I do know is my mom and several occasions has said I am doing a much better job as a parent than they ever did. That comment actually surprised me as I think my folks did a great job as parents. That being said, what I think is different and again not intentional on my part is I am active and involved with my boys more than my parents were and this again is because my job has allowed me much flexibility to do things and be there for big events my folks were not able to. We only had one car when my mom wasn’t working so I am sure that played into this as well as 4 siblings and with all those kids you just can’t be everywhere at one time. And later on when my mom also became a Realtor….that is truly a 7 day a week job with many late nights and the #1 reason I swore I would never be a full time Realtor. But they did what they felt they had to do to provide as best as they could for all their kids.

So in retrospect I guess I am doing this differently because of what I saw from my parents working so much. In fact when I was 17 and getting ready to go out in the evening with my friends my mom commented…“why don’t you stay home for a change as you are always out with your friends?” I said…“mom, I am home all day long….you are the one who is always gone”

I don’t beat the crap out of the kids because I’m having a rough time. And I picked a father who is actually engaged in being a father.

I’ve used a bunch of different tactics for discipline. Some worked with one child and not with another. I had to stay creative.

I am answering as a “kid” in question. My dad grew up the son of a stern minister. Everything was about the church in his house, and his dad was a scary figure who was just there for discipline, not for talking, laughing, or throwing a ball around.

Because of this, my dad made sure to be the opposite. My brother and I are extremely close to him, talking about personal things, do everything together, and have more stupid jokes than ever thought possible. He also raised us with no religion, so we didn’t have to sort our beliefs out for ourselves like my dad had to. He also broke the trend of gender roles (that was simply the 50s and 60s rather than his own family) by taking on the bulk of the cooking, shopping, and cleaning. Go dad!

I’ll hopefully, but by no means definitely, get the chance to do pretty much everything differently. But I won’t go too much in the opposite direction…but I’m nothing like my parents so doing everything differently won’t be difficult.

My dad package-deal disowned his mother, siblings and me when I was 7— something I absolutely refuse to do. I refuse to be absent from my kids’ lives. Even if I’m depressed or emotionally absent, I make a point to be physically and communicatively present.

My mom never discussed her mistakes or weaknesses and it gave me a very unhealthy view of making mistakes—I would physically get sick and break down if I made mistakes. I won’t do that to my kids, so I allow my kids to be aware of my weaknesses along with my strengths, and discuss the heck out of it with them (age appropriately, of course)

Also, I allow my kids to feel and discuss their emotions, and allow them to learn how to have heated discussions in a healthy manner.

That being said… I’ve repeated a few of my mom’s mistakes, but I acknowledge and fix them.

When ever I punished my kids I would tell them why they were being punished and how or why it was wrong and I would point out to them what they should’ve done instead if it needed to be said, and that it was their behavior that was undesirable, but it in no way effected my love for them.
I didn’t tell my daughter there were things she couldn’t do because she was a girl.
(well other than write her name in the snow with Piss)
I refused to let relatives favor one child over the other. I made it clear that if they gave a gift to one, than they were to pick a gift of equal value for the other. On birthdays, it didn’t count. But on Christmas or if they simply felt like sending a gift, I never wanted the other child to feel less important because of how a relative behaves.
I had an aunt who would totally spoil my sister and would make me feel like I was adopted. She would buy my sister a large expensive doll and I would get something small and cheap. I would act appreciative but I felt like I must’ve done something wrong because she loved my sister more.
I never wanted my kids to feel that way.

@Pandora my MIL does this with my children. She really favours my daughter and my boys are sort of tolerated. I can see the discord and angst she causes.

@tranquilsea I would tell my MIL if she cannot treat them equally than you wish for her not to give gifts at all. Of course sometimes it depends on age. As my son grew older he got less gifts than his younger sister. But for a while he got cash as he got older. Some people find it difficult to find something boys would like and many teens prefer money to spend on what they want. When my daughter hit her teens, she also started to get money. But girls are easier to buy for. Most like some sort of jewelry or pretty clothing. Boys usually don’t care for any of those two things If that is her case maybe you can tell her what each of them want and pick things that would be a big hit. I would find out why she is doing it first..

@sliceswiththings brings up a really salient point. I think that the generation that became parents in the 70s and 80s was really the first to be aware of consciously parenting. @sliceswiththings dad is a good example of that. Before that, there was a general trend to parent as one had been parented except in extreme cases without much thought put into it. After all, we learn from our parents how they parent even before we can walk or talk, so when we become parents ourselves breaking that cycle can be exhausting. We have to think about it all the time, none of it comes naturally or easily. Those who had good parents are very fortunate in that they started learning how to do it well a lot sooner than the rest of us.

My mother and father never hugged me or told me “I love you”. My dad never sat me on his lap or said, “I am proud of you, son”.

I hug and kiss my children every night, and say, “I love you”. It is not in my nature to be huggie, or to be talkative, but I do love my family…so I work hard at showing it.

I also make a conscious effort to be kind and friendly at work. This also take a great deal of going against my grain.

^^ Don’t get the wrong idea about my folks. I know they loved me, they just weren’t good at letting me know which, when I was younger, was a insecure about wether or not they did love me…and to what degree.

I have kept this in mind. I want to leave no doubt in my children’s hearts and minds about my love for them.

I try not to sweat the small stuff so much. My dad insisted I wear the whole, official school uniform right through until my final year. The school had relaxed its uniform policy and I was pretty much the only one wearing that uniform. It left me always feeling different. I survived but I think teenagers have enough to deal with without making them feel even more different. I try to have a greater awareness of how my children feel, rather than just what I want.