Should the guy always pay up on the first 'date'?

I always figured that the person who extended the invitation paid, whether they be male or female.

Men really let women pay now? LOL I had no idea.

I’ll pay for dinner if she makes me breakast in bed.

Nope. I agree with @JilltheTooth that whoever “made the date” should pay the bill. I don’t think it’s patronizing at all. I don’t see a problem with the person who was invited on the date offering to pay or contribute to the bill, either.

I wouldn’t expect my male date to pay, but I wouldn’t be offended in the least if he insisted. Everyone likes to save a few bucks, right? That said, I’d offer to pay my share if I had been invited out.

@Seelix Basically, I’m trying to get at, that if it was a first date, is it still generally expected for the bloke to pay?
I know afew ‘dates’ friends of mine have been on, and the bill has been split…I just thought this was a little strange for a first date.

Glad I’m old and married. Expectations that a male must pay for the date is shocking. In a way, I’m tempted to say that allowing the male to pay for the date seems odd to me, unless it was stated that the female would be allowed to pay for the next date.

@thebluewaffle – if it was a first date, is it still generally expected for the bloke to pay?

I don’t think so. If he made the date, it might be more expected for him to pay, but if the woman made the date, I think many people would expect for her to pay.

Whoever extended the offer should pay. But, the invitee should at lest offer to pay half – which should then be politely refused.
Unless there is a large income disparity (or one person is prostituting) it is far healthier for a long term relationship if both parties contribute to the entertainment expenses.

Ladies, think about it. Would you want to go out with a guy who is thinkig “Hell I paid for everything, the least she can do is xxxx me.”?
Guys, Do you want to go out with a girl who has her hand in your wallet everywhere you go?

The first date sets the tone for the next. Get it right from the beginning. Offer to pay and let the asker politely refuse.

I don’t necessarily agree about why it’s more appropriate for the guy to pay, but this is what we have to do to be accepted lol.

Well, my girlfriend has kindly informed me I’d have never made the second date unless I paid for the first. Apparently, its expected.

Gold-digging bitch.

@thebluewaffle: “Gold-digging bitch.”

whoa! Really? Not sure this is called for.

It’s all in good jest!

@thebluewaffle: “It’s all in good jest!”

…ok…? I’m not a mod and I am not one who should talk when it comes to these types of things. However, I will anyway. Fluther doesn’t usually fall to the youtube comment quality of “fucking bitch” and “you’re gay!” Maybe I’m just hyper-sensitive this morning.

@thebluewaffle Did she make you pay for the second date? In my case, there never would have been a third if she didn’t offer.

In the stone age, before power car door locks, I would always unlock the passenger door first, so my date could get in out of the rain or cold before me. If she did not reach over to unlock my side that was a data point. It meant she was either a princess or oblivious, neither of which I wanted in a partner.

In todays’s world I would say that has been replaced by:
The “paying of the bill” game
Texting with others while on a date
Being on time.

I think if women truly want to be treated as equals they shouldn’t expect unequal treatment in these sorts of situations too. I find it a bit patronizing when men insist on paying. I’m not into traditional “chivalry” either.

@tom_g
And I gave neither of those responses…

You don’t have to be wound too tight, I expected a more lighthearted debate instead of someone pointing out the slightest, most insignificant profanity used.

You’re so gay.

@thebluewaffle Just for the record, I thought you were fine. We use the ”~ ” to show sarcasm.

So, Did you have a third date? I gotta’ know.

I’m with @JilltheTooth. Whoever does the asking should do the paying. I’ll always offer to split the bill, but I think it’s nice when he says, “no, I got it.”

[edit]

the thread is being derailed

I went on a first date recently. The man asked me out, and he’s way older than me and has a larger income. We split all bills that night. But then last night we went on a date which was my idea. I wanted to get dressed up and go to dinner, and he came along. Strangely, he insisted on paying. This one was much more expensive than our first dinner, which we split. Weird.

@tom_g thank you for lowering the tone.

@worriedguy I’m new to this stuff so I didn’t know the ways to point out sarcasm, but to answer your question, I’m now in a ‘loving’ relationship with her! Woooo!

Haha, YES, yes. It’s the first test. Unless there is some reason why he can’t pay…like he is really poor but you love him anyway, that’s ok. But when he doesn’t buy you a drink so he’ll have more money for himself to buy another drink for himself…or he’s too stingy, mean, secretly hates women and wants you to pay (literally), Ha. Bad sign when he doesn’t insist on paying.

I don’t know about you guys… but this guy pays, first, second, third ad infinitum through the life insurance policy she gets when I meet the yawning grave.

@RealEyesRealizeRealLies “this guy pays, first, second, third ad infinitum…”
The same could be said for this guy and his single day girlfriends. ;-)

not the first time I’ve had something in common with the lowest possible denominator

The Government should pay!

@wundayatta. You hero.

I normally go with the person who extended the invite pays, though I always make a point to reach for the check and offer to split it.

If I were to date a guy, yes I’d expect him to pay. I need something for my (probably) wasted time.

Truly, the one who extends the invitation should pay.

I think that until a regular dating relationship is established and then you’re probably going dutch or taking turns or have whatever arrangement you work out, whoever does the asking should pay.

I don’t see any reason for the guy to pay just because ‘he’s the guy’. I’d think that the person who initiated the date should pay. If I invited someone over for dinner, I wouldn’t ask them to cook it.

I think I’m a bit old fashioned. I would like the guy to pay for first dinner and drinks on first few dates, it is the way to show whether they are keen with me and showing gentlemanly manner. Then after a few dates, I will offer as well. And when you are in a girlfriend/boyfriend situation then it should take turn.