How common/uncommon is it for a seven year old child to have thoughts of being dead?

I remember playing the “kill myself” card when I was 8 or so. It was about not being able to act how I felt compelled (maybe having to do with kissing my neighbor girlfriend). Unless it’s super-obsessive, I would treat it casually as a symptom of suffering and the human condition and make it a teachable moment about seeing suffering for what it is (instead of knee-jerk reacting to pain with avoidance) and investigating other ways of responding.

I think younger kids have those thoughts more often because they don’t understand how precious life is yet. Once they get a little more older and mature, those thoughts will normally go away. This isn’t always the case, but they always seem to want to “run away” when something goes wrong. This is like that, just more extreme, because they feel like there’s nowhere outside where they can go either.

2 of my kids made threats like this when they were young. My daughter threatened before her father committed suicide.
I think that a family history of mental illness could be a contributing factor.

I believe that it is very uncommon and a very serious indicator of problems.

It is highly uncommon for small children to even consider their mortality.

I will add two things, trying to be more factual: (as far as I can judge) they are no threats, and it is said very ‘maturely’.

Sounds like petty emotional blackmail, and nothing out of the ordinary for a smarter than average kid.

When I was 4 years old, I was finally let in on the secret that my pet rabbit Fred had not been on holiday 3 times, rather that I was on my 4th rabbit and there was a thing called death. I instantly asked: How long until I die? and How long until you die?

To me, it sounds like the kid is trying to say “I wish I had never been born” but a lack of vocabulary is making it sound as if they are saying “I want to kill my self”.

It is very normal in my opinion for children to attempt to manipulate their parents with statements such as “i hate you” and “I wish I was never born”.

While I know it is not real, in the movie Homa Alone, the main character expresses similar sentiments to their parents. “I wish I did not have a family”.

I honestly think the best thing to do is call the kids bluff, otherwise you face hearing it again and again any time there is an argument or struggle for power in the house. The more you react the more the kid will do it, and if they do it for long enough, by the time they are in their teens they may actually believe it them selves.

It sounds like the rationalization of depression, frankly. I spoke to a (serious) attempted suicide once, after the crisis was past. The explanation that was given to me (that “sounded” rational) was, “Since there’s no point to life anyway, and we all eventually die (and what does any of it matter?) then why bother to go through the motions of the next however many decades just to get to that pointless end then; why not just fast-forward and do it now. Save everyone the trouble.”

And as I said, this was some time ago. We’ve spoken (though not directly on this topic any more) about “life in general” and we agree that regardless of what “point” it has, it’s there, it’s ours, and it is to be used and enjoyed strictly for its own sake and our own enjoyment of it. There doesn’t have to be “a point” to my life – or to a child’s life – it has value for its owner, period.

Thank you guys and gals, for your insights, they helped me see it in a broader vision.
Thanks!

My four year old grandson hears his Mom say “I wish I was dead” several times a week. He has asked me if being dead hurts.

@YARNLADY

Oh, my God! Does she not care about the impact saying that around her child will have??

That does sound awful @YARNLADY , for your grandchild.

From what I understand from mental health professionals who deal with depressed kids you have to be very careful when children that age say things like that because they have a high rate of completed suicide attempts. They don’t understand that once they try, and succeed, they won’t be coming back to show you how upset they are.

I would high tail any child of mine to a Children’s hospital for evaluation if they said such a thing.

I remember once reading that elementary age suicides were up. I don’t know the statistic though. If the child is worried about being a burden sounds like the parents need some guidance in giving positive reinforcement, not complaining about their busy day in front of the child, and understanding this particular child is very emotional.

I could see my mom saying, “I’m going to kill myself.” There is a joke actually…what is the difference between an Italian mother and a Jewish mother? The italian mom says, “I am going to kill you,” to her kids, and the Jewish one says, “you’re killing me.” So it depends how it ks said, and also depends on how sensitive the child is and the overall circumstance of the family.

I don’t think we really have enough information to know what is going on fully. But, I do agree with @tranquilsea children do not have the ability to really understand how permanent death is. There was a story many years ago of a young mom who died, and she left behind three young girls. The youngest not long after the death jumped in front of a train with her sisters nearby, because she wanted to be with mommy in heaven. As far as I know this is a true story.

I am not qualified to give an expert opinion, but that kind of language from a child should be taken seriously (as stated multiple times above). Could the child be dealing with some type of abuse from a parent or parents? Perhaps bullying from kids at school? For some reason, the child has little self-worth and has no hope. just my opinion

When I was very young I was also very aware of death and it’s implications. It terrified my mother and there were many psychiatrists afterward. (No I was not abused. No, no one in my family committed suicide or died.) I knew very well that death was permanent. I was in preschool the first time I mentioned it.

@athenasgriffin

My youngest son was the same way. When he was about three, when one of his other siblings would frustrate him in some way, he would point his finger at them and say, “You will be gone!” It was at one and the same time rather amusing and kinda frightening!