Why is that when I compliment myself, people call me conceited?

People do not like to hear others go on about how wonderful they are.It is that simple.

I think you’re very mature, but maybe tone down on the compliments. Even if they are true, nobody likes hearing it constantly. I have a friend like that, and even though they don’t mean to look conceited, it bothers me how they seem perfect.

Maybe once in a while, bring up something that you aren’t great at, or ask for help…it’ll make you look more human.

Sounds like petty jealousy. Just be yourself and ignore the people who probably have no clue.

I’m thinking jealousy, too. Try not to let it bother you and go on with your bad self! :)

Good luck!

If one person calls you conceited, that person is probably just a jerk.

If a bunch of people are calling you conceited, rethink your own behavior.

If one of my peers said she was more cultured and mature than everyone around her, I would probably call that person conceited, too. These are value judgments, not facts.

Feeling confident and happy with yourself does not require you to brag about it and openly compliment yourself.

Try complimenting other people for a while. See how that goes.

It all depends. I have known people who were those, “well…. actually…” kids who drove me up a wall. Even now that I’m 50 I cringe when I hear it coming out of a kids mouth. I translate it as, “You think you know something, but let me tell you, I know more….actually. ”
Also, people who constantly talk about themselves come across as conceited. Maybe if you brag on you FRIEND who is a good artist, or point out what you admire in others more people would have a different opinion of you.
An old wise man named Zig Ziglar used to say, “People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.”
Trying to recognize the positives in others can go a long way towards people recognizing the positives in you.

Well, I don’t really consider it bragging. The situation called for a response, and I thought I’d mention something. And like I said above, I don’t go around every day saying things about myself. I hardly ever talk about myself but when I do people call me conceited. It honestly hurts my feelings! xD

I can’t stand it because I’m very far from conceited.

They called you conceited because you called them stupid and uncultured. What can I say, tit for tat.

It’s all about striking the right balance isn’t it? Nothing wrong at all with a bit of confidence inducing self acclaim, so long as it’s combined with a self deprecating ethos, then you’re good to go.

Normally, I’m with @nikipedia. But you said some of it was on youtube, so stop listening to comments on youtube. Or 4chan. Or anyone on the internet who doesn’t really know you, which goes for Fluther, too.

There were a few people at work that had what a co-worker coined as I/Me/My Syndrome. They pepper their comments with these three words. It can come across as someone focused on them self instead of others. This is probably better described as coming across as self-centered.

A recommendation would be to take @lucillelucillelucille‘s advice and attempt to limit talking about yourself when it comes to any type of comparison to others. Focus on not using I, Me or My terms as much unless someone asks about you specifically.

In the meantime, ditch these so-called friends. It sounds like a teen aged witch hunt to me. No one needs to have to deal with that.

Thinking that you are better (more mature, a better artist, had a better background) is a slippery slope.

Perhaps you should stop focusing on yourself so much.

You don’t really need to compliment yourself if you are sure that you are OK.

Think about complimenting others.

Think about how others will feel hearing you say how great you are.

You need, at the least, to develop some sensitivity.

We don’t know you, we only know one side of the story, which is the side you tell us. I am with those who said if many people are calling you something, it’s an opportunity to think objectively about it and try to figure out if it’s true. Nobody likes someone bragging about how good they are all the time. Nobody likes someone who talks about themselves constantly. There is a whole world out there to talk about, other than yourself and your accomplishments.

I said that children’s “learning” CDs don’t work and that I listened to oldies when I was baby and I feel that I’m more cultured and mature than my friends. Which is TRUE. I’m not trying to flatter myself. It’s true.

It’s not true. It’s your opinion.

It’s just small little things like saying I’m a good artist. The first word people throw is “conceited”. I am a good artist! Tons of people have told me so…I think it must be true. What I am supposed to do?

One, that’s another opinion. You being a good artist is up for judgement. It is not a fact. Two, telling other people you are a good artist is not a wise idea. Their idea of “good art” and yours could be miles apart as art is subjective. It would be wiser and more mature to say “I am creative and like art”. Or “I am an artist. I sell my art” Whichever is truer for you.

If people are picking on you or bullying you. The best way to handle them is to show no emotion and not react to anything they say. Do not give them a come back.

You may be cultured, intelligent, insightful, mature for your age and a genuine boon to humanity – a shining example of what any of us might aspire to be, given talent, good looks, intelligence and a certain amount of breeding. However, to point that out to others who except for their powers of discernment and unawareness of anything beyond their own noses could clearly see this for themselves – that is the textbook definition of conceit.

Be as wonderful as you know you are. Just stop talking about it, already.

Ah, the trials of being a teenager. (I am not being sarcastic) It’s a learning period and you are learning how to be you and still not give an impression you don’t want to give. It may be a ways off, but things will get better when you go to college (and I assume, since you’re smart, that you will.) Meanwhile, consider what you’ve heard here and act on it. Fluther usually gives pretty good advice. It’s good to look and feel confident, but what may not feel like bragging, may sound like it to others. Listen more and talk less.

It sounds like you’re saying what you think of yourself, not what you’re telling others, right?

Give it 3 to 5 years and you’ll find people that appreciate the same things you enjoy and like. What you sound like does not fit with most 16 and 17 year old girls, and they know it. They’re probably very interested in things that you find boring, and they probably see you as a stick in the mud. They will team up and pick on anyone who’s on the fringe, sometimes mercilessly. They’ll do it because, as a group, they outnumber the individuals they pick on.

In 3–5 years, some of them will outgrow it and become college girls, might discover life’s not all about fitting in with the group. Some will never outgrow it, and will be the same in 20 years.

Talking about yourself is an EXCELLENT skill, IF…. you are self-promoting. Many people who have amazing writing and artistic skills don’t succeed in the business because they can’t self-promote. If you can channel your confidence about your skills into self-promotion when you need to then do that. You don’t need to self-promote with your peers… they couldn’t care less.

Good luck and hang in there.

If you are cultured, artistic or anything else, those things will be obvious to others. You don’t need to tell people you are good at these things. The phrase ‘show don’t tell’ comes to mind. Let people come to their own decisions based on your actions rather than what you tell them.

@brie I get what you are saying, I really do. Your friends are insecure teenagers. You can’t have that sort of conversation with them. You have to know your audience and when it is ok to talk about where you excel. If you are in a conversation where you are saying you have a lot of skill at art, and the other person is talking about their loveof dace, or math, or whatever, then ok.

On fluther we talk about correlatins and causations between how we were reared, or studies we have read about how children are raised, but everyone in the conversation is interested in the information.

You just need to wait u til your 30’s then your peer group will be ale to handle it, and happy for you. They will want to know, because they are raising their own kids and think their parents sucked. Or, something like that.

Try being self effacing.

If you are a good artist, that is only your opinion. Even if you are the best artist in the world, it sounds extremely conceited (and therefore is conceited) if you say it like that. Better to say, “I think I’m a pretty good artist, hopefully other people think so too.” It takes the bragging out of it, but still lets people know that you are an artist. You don’t ever have to say that you are a bad artist. You are either an artist or you aren’t. Whether you are good or not is completely in the eye of the beholder. But if you say that you are a good artist, then you are in fact acting conceited.

It’s all about tact and language and semantics and classinessjand being polite, while at the same time, not selling yourself short. You should probably take the hint that when quite a few people call you conceited, it is because that is how you are coming across.

It’s great to be good at something, even be the best at something, but it’s not good to go around telling other people how good you are at something. If someone asks if you are an artist, instead of saying, “Yeah, I’m a really good artist, because lots of people have said so.” you might want to consider saying, “Yes, I mostly work with oil paint, but I also enjoy using water color. Do you make art too? What’s your favorite medium.” The second statement makes it sound like you know what you’re talking about without sounding conceited. I hope you can see the difference.

In the case of the learning CD’s. Instead of saying, “I’m much smarter and more cultured than most of my peers because I listened to oldies music instead of those ‘learning CD’s’ that have been shown to be ineffective.” you should try, “I’m not sure if those ‘learning CD’s are effective or not, I’ve seen a few studies that suggest that they aren’t, but I was just lucky that my folks loved oldies music and played a lot of those songs for me when I was a baby. I know all sorts of great bands that a lot of kids my own age have never heard of. I just love The Safaris. I’m thinking of making a few mix CD’s for my friends to introduce them to some of this stuff.” See the difference? Even if you know with 100% certainty that the “learning CD’s” are ineffective, why do you feel the need to point that out to anyone? It just makes you look conceited when you say it like that.

I have no problem with someone who has self confidence. Just be certain about your views before pointing things out. I was extremely confident when I was younger and as I grew older there were a few things I learned along the way that just were not as correct as I thought it was. Mostly is has to do with perception.

In reading the answers and reading your question again, I am not seeing the correlation between being smart and listening to oldies CD’s.

As long as you’re not bragging, I don’t think you’re actually being conceited.
It might just be that people are accustomed to self-deprecation. Someone insults themselves, and then other people do the complimenting for them. When people see someone acknowledging their own positive traits, a lot of them confuse being conceited with being confident. I’m not sure it’s necessarily true that they’re all insecure themselves – though that could be part of it – it could just be that we’re not generally used to other people being blatantly secure.

@jca I think I know what she’s getting at by saying that her folks played oldies music. A lot of kids today and even young adults have no idea who Credence Clearwater Revival is or what the British Invasion was (they only know about the British invasion of the Revolutionary war and don’t see the irony of the musical British invasion, or why it’s called that). A lot of young folks have no idea that the music that they like today, was influenced by the music that came before (because they’ve never heard it).

I’m in my 40’s, but my parents played all sorts of music from Ragtime, to Dixieland Jazz, to standards, to classical, to Hawaiian and everything in between. We also watched old movies on TV when I was little, so even though I was just a little kid in the 60’s I knew who Frank Sinatra was, and Andy Williams and so forth. A lot of my peers at the time had no idea who these older people were, and so therefore did not have as rich of a knowlege about music and art and media etc, and where the modern stuff came from, or was influenced by or was a rebellion against. So I feel very lucky about that. I’m afraid my nephew and little cousins will not know about those things. They only learn about what is new right this minute. So they are very good at video games and knowing about all of the nuances of Harry Potter, but unless they discover it on their own, they will never know about Sarah Vaughn or Jack Jones or Stan Getz or Don Ho or even The Animals or The Doors.