Has the collective ever disappointed you?

[mod says] Just reminding everyone not to name names. Thanks!

@augustlan : Thanks. That didn’t even occur to me as I was asking this.

No names, please.

Yep. When a person joined to ask for help and advice related to their pica, specifically scab eating, some of the responses shocked me to the point that I nearly left. That is probably the one time that I was truly ashamed to be here.

Yes, there have been times when so many answers were nonsense or apparently meant to be funny that I was disappointed. I don’t like answers that are just plain nonsense. Ask me in PM for an example.

Fluther has had its moments of herp and derp before, sometimes so bad that I wonder who in the hell some of these people are.

Fluther always comes around for me in the end, though.

I hate to say it, but yes, in many ways.

but I’m still here because of those who have reached out to me with comforting words

I have noticed occasionally there don’t seem to be many thought provoking questions. That seems to ebb and flow though so it could be the people who ask very thought provoking questions are busy.

Sometimes I have felt people jump on the bandwagon and can be a little cruel at times. Even unintentionally when using in jokes that new people would be unaware of? It has never been so bad that I have felt I shouldn’t be here though.

Mostly, I don’t let things on fluther or anywhere else on the Internet get to me overly. I care about some of the people here, and I think I have a good sense of who they are, but apart from that, water off a duck’s back.

Yes I do often get disappointed because of people’s attitude. Some people get too excited or passionate about a topic and start attacking you personally. A lot of other times people can be extremely self righteous and judgemental acting like they own Fluther.

However there are some people here who I really like (and stalk – in a non creepy way ofcourse) so I stay.

Yes.

More times than I can count, but I won’t say that less someone get bent out of shape.

Sure. Sometimes the collective completely fails to understand my brilliance.~
WHAT? No one gave that post a great answer come on folks!~ :p

I’ve been disappointed with certain situations, but more so, I have felt really bad for what others might be experiencing, especially when a jelly that I care about gets his/her feelings hurt or their discussion shot down.
I feel bad when a newbie gets attacked—there’s no need for that… Some newbs that I liked have disappeared already.
When a heated discussion on a thread becomes personal, I usually just stop following because that means the thread’s lost its traction.

Hear hear @linguaphile

Yes. It most often occurs either when people answer a question without reading—without even glancing at—the details or when they respond without looking at the previous answers.

In the former case we get posts that don’t answer the question. Sometimes they actually repeat what the OP has already said he or she knows (OP says “No need to tell me about X because I already have that” and responder answers “X”). Sometimes they state what the OP explicitly asks not to see (OP says “I’m interested in personal experience, not broad generalities,” and responder answers with broad generalities and no personal experience). Very frustrating.

In the latter case we get annoying repetition and redundancy. It lengthens the thread without adding anything, it’s discourteous to the previous posters, and it often happens irritatingly that the second and third person to give a particular response get GA’s but the first person does not.

These and other small vexations are going to occur in any community of individuals. I don’t expect them to go away. Luckily most of us are pretty forgiving of one another’s foibles most of the time.

The only time I feel very dissappointed is when someone is really really mean to someone else. Especially if they are young.

I have been disappointed when one or two people have left and not come back.

Yes. When a religious question is asked and the poster really wants an answer to their question and they get “there is no God, why ask” type answers from about 10 different people. Or worse, “if you are such a christian, why don’t you know this?” This is supposed to be a diverse group, live and let live supposedly but religious questions are put down in each and every case. I won’t read them anymore because I know where they will go. It makes me ashamed of people that can’t let these kind of questions be asked and answered without attacking religion.

Frequently, the herd mentality can be sickening to witness at times. Reminds me of schoolyard politics at it’s worst. Having said that, it’s quickly consigned to the dustbin of history & we move on, ever upwards old bean.

@chyna <standing and clapping> Hear hear!! I second, third, forth, and fifth that. Lurva you! 10,000 times if I had it.

I feel a little icky when questions trend in a mean way, recently we had a spate of “What annoys you about (name a group of people here)” questions and some of them turned into one-upping contests. Other side of the same coin are the popularity Qs as someone will always be left out… And I really get disappointed when I get snarky on someone who didn’t deserve it. <hangs head in shame>

After responding to several questions, when using an alternate screenname, the collective really came down on me for no reason. I was accused of being a terrorist, a hacker, and shit-disturber. I had said NOTHING contraversial.
I nearly left because of that.

@filmfann : I’m glad you didn’t leave. I love how you talk about your wife, it makes me feel warm and fuzzy.

My opinion: Fluther is very much a microcosm of the real world, and people in the real world disappoint me all the time. I’m sure I disappoint others. The examples of “disaflutherments” provided above are all excellent, and I concur with all. And all these things happen in real life.

But I remain, perhaps for the same reason I persevere in real life, because there are moments of great humor and warmth, there are compelling, thought-provoking threads, there are genuine differences of opinion that are expressed civilly. And this medium, unlike real life, provides lots of ways to simply look away from what is disappointing.

I’m guessing that what inspired you to ask this question, @hawaii_jake, was the question about whether Jellies would want to date/marry someone with a mental illness. I have to say that disappointed me, as well. It was a little surprising and disappointing to see that so many Jellies would rule out a relationship with someone who considers themselves to be mentally ill, especially since the collective generally seems to be pretty open and supportive of mental illness.

I can understand that some Jellies who have had their own mental issues wouldn’t want to add another mental illness to the equation – that doesn’t bother me so much. But yeah, it was kind of a rude awakening to see so many that were rigidly opposed to the idea. Hurts a little, huh?

Yes. The time I tried to set up a date with a really nice guy here. I even offered to cover the bill. Did any ladies show up? No. Come on! It was at a Panera’s in a populated city. You already knew the guy and had lots in common. Instead of enjoying conversation with a new person, you pissed away another weekend night sitting at your computers fluthering. Sheesh!
Where is your sense of adventure?

I was most disappointed when I learned about a former moderator asking a fake question and other moderators joining in and, using fake accounts, giving fake answers.

That almost caused me to quit. Luckily, someone posted a question about coming out, and the Fluther community rose to the occasion giving such warm and caring answers that my faith was restored.

Hey, @worriedguy , I was on that date! Granted, I couldn’t work out an in person event because of distance, but I was there. examining the cleanliness of coffee cups, as I recall!

@marinelife : That first one you mentioned almost drove me out as well. A bad day in the Jelly pool, that!

Nope.

spoiler alert: it’s the fucking internet

@Blondesjon That doesn’t mean you can’t be disappointed by the words of the actual people using the internet…

And to answer the question, yes I have.

@Facade . . . That’s just me.

<—- disappointing fluther one post at a time

Yes, I’ve been disappointed with some of the answers, especially to some of our younger members, with the quickness some people will call someone a troll, and with the way some members can’t drop an issue and instead have to keep it going from question to question. I usually ignore the first two of those, but I have spoken up when the last one has occurred to try to get the people involved to stop because it was causing quite a disruption all across Fluther.

The question would assume that I have expectations of the community. I come here with no expectations, so I get to be happily surprised when I see this community come up with some pretty amazing ideas, and show heart felt compassion.
Maybe it’s self preservation or maybe it’s common sense, but I choose not to have to many expectations of those I don’t know, as I have no idea of their history or what brought them to their point of view.

Yes. Yes, it has.

Yes, many, many times.

-It is annoying when people highjack a thread with their inside jokes, and you see a number of entries just with their silly comments that do not contribute to the topic in question and I just stop following. (Not that I have anything against humor I think @bob_ and @ucme are a riot.)
-Some people get really deffensive when you are not attacking them (can’t name namessss).
-Some people cannot stand others having opposing points of view to their own (I can understand that when it comes to certain topics, but some get like that out of really simple stuff too).
-Some act as they own Fluther (GA to @sarahhhhh) to the point that more than a public community to ask and answer questions, some people make it seem like a club that you have to be this way or the next.

It is sad to see people leaving or even me wanting to leave at times just because some people who have been here longer feel that they have the right to be rude and couldn’t care less if others stay or leave.
But as @picante said —and I have said too in other ocassions— Fluther is no more and no less than a microcosm of the real world. And as @Facade said the medium of communication is virtual but the people behind it are real.

@Judi I do have expectations of people being respectful, polite and address topics in the same manner. Same expections I have in the real world.

What keeps me here though is that there are some people who are realy insightful and worth listening to and reading what they have to say. I also need to hear other views constantly to review my own and to try to understand how others see life and the world around us. So, I stay.

As of late, fluther has disappointed me more and more. From nasty replies to mod pm’s to otherwise intelligent and respectful people making mean comments on threads they disagree with to the increasing defensiveness that some Jellies feel to singling out members and being nasty to them. Fluther has been letting me down a lot lately.

I back off or quit following threads when some people enter who only want to promote their own agenda, whether or not it’s relevant, while being intolerant to other’s opinions. When those people are very active and appear on every thread, I don’t want to be here.

@KatawaGrey I think life has gotten a little more stressful of late and we’re taking it out on each other. Maybe not, but that’s my take. Plus there are some jellies that like to push their own agenda, as Blueroses noted. I don’t even bother to acknowledge them.

@JilltheTooth I remember you were in attendance – on line. That was when you were just a young pup with 5000 lurve. I had hoped that people would have enough “gumption” and take the small risk of driving across town, going into a well established restaurant, sitting at a marked table and eating with a jelly they knew as an avatar but not personally. I know I would do it.

There was one topic in which some of the individuals blew me away with their thoughts but in general,I don’t let things here disappoint me very much.Really,now! ;)

@Porifera ; I guess as a Christian, I get so fed up with fellow Christians putting religious expectations on non Christians, that I like to know someone before I assign expectation, and meet them where THEY are, not try to bring them to where I am.

@Judi: I get fed up when otherwise kind and respectful Jellies have to say something nasty or degrading about religion.

I have had to back away from most if not all religious questions here @hawaii_jake. In the past, I left for days/weeks at a time because of caustic words.

The latest thread you & I were on disappointed me greatly. Not just with the collection, but with the general populous. It was an eye-opener. If some of the most liberal minds think that way, I as a mom & as a wife, have a lot of protecting of my clan to do.

@worriedguy : I was a barely-out-of-the egg Jelly at less than 1K lurve! Oh, those care-free youthful days!

@KatawaGrey . . . I agree. I’m not disappointed by it, but, I am constantly amazed by a majority here that preach tolerance out of one side of their mouth and then blast anything to do with religion out of the other. If I wasn’t an atheist I would pray for them.

@Judi I am Catholic, but when I said I had expectations I was referring to expectations of a polite civil interaction with people, here and everywhere for the sake of effective communication and harmony. Way beyond any religious belief.

Sometimes. Things I consider as disappointments:
– Very short answer, when you’re expected to give detail or elaborate.
– People that add/promote insinuation in their post.
– Totally unhelpful/unnecessary answers regarding OP’s question (i.e. Q: how to cook cat?, A : cat is a beautiful creature!/you can’t cook a cat!/you’re insane!)
– People that deliberately challenge you for no purpose or in order to upset you.

@Porifera ; I’m just talking about me. I’m going through a tough time trying to be in “Christian Community” with people who, to me are not acting very Christian. I expect Christians to act like Christians, humble, loving caring and when even they disappoint me, I doesn’t make sense for me to expect more from anyone else. (It’s just where I’m coming from, and I respect that others are coming from a different place.)

Yes, but no more than life itself. I’m with @Blondesjon, it’s the Internet. I don’t expect much from people in the first place. I’m not deluded into thinking fluther is better somehow.

Not really. People are people, assholes are assholes, and it’s the internet. I don’t expect much out of it.

Plus, compared to some other places on the internet, this place is fucking pristine.

Isn’t the phrase “It’s the internet” a lame excuse to be rude?

expectations of a polite civil interaction with people, here and everywhere for the sake of effective communication and harmony. Way beyond any religious belief.

Love this answer @Porifera =)

There’s never an excuse to be rude, but people do it anyway. I take pride in being a nicer one of those internet users. ;)

@KatetheGreat you are =)

@jonsblond Thank you :))

One thing that bothers me the most about this site (and other similar ones I have been on) is the way some people seem to think that because someone is disagreeing with you, they are somehow “attacking” you are “not allowing” you to have your opinion. Guess what? Not everyone is going to agree with you and just because someone challenges or criticizes your opinion, does not mean you are being attacked or being denied your freedom of speech. Freedom of speech does not mean you are immune from criticism or disagreement. The strong opinion is the one that can defend itself against criticism and challenges, not the one that shrinks back and cries “attack!” when someone questions their opinion. If you’re going to say something bold or controversial, don’t be shocked when someone else has something to say against it. Be prepared to be able to back up your opinion.

@DominicX Great answer.

I take that back. I never cease to be amazed at such blatant hypocrisy.

@DominicX GA Couldn’t agree more.

We can all agree to disagree sometimes, but some of the things said by jellies to other jellies on here have been dissapointing and immature. Thankfully though, never enough to drive me away.

Well sure, but I can’t expect it to be perfect, and for the site to go my way. I could list some things that annoy me or have disappointed me in the past. Problem is, I’ve done those very same things myself. :/
Overall Fluther is fun, but it does have its bad days, like any place.

Dammit! I missed a great thread. So let it be known I am in 60–100% agreement with all of the above.

I’m disappointed more often than not, I have to say. For a group that considers itself fairly well read, literate and more or less intelligent and sensible (which aren’t the same things), the normal level of chuckleheadedness positively astounds me, and not in the good way. But the times that y’all have come through – in one way or another – have magnificently overcome all of the day to day nonsense that just have to be endured. It’s sort of like family in that way, I guess.

Yep. Critical thinking skills are not for everyone, apparently. But the Fluther crowd still beats the general population in that regard by a long way.

“Education is no substitute for intelligence.” – Frank Herbert

:P

Intelligence alone w/o education will only take you so far ;)

Yea, just ask Bill Gates, Richard Branson, Steve Jobs, Mark Zuckerberg…

How about we pair intelligence and education, then add some humility? That would make a pretty good Jelly…

I’d say those are the exceptions to the rule.

i’d invite all of you who are examining the motes in other jelly’s eyes to perhaps tend to the timber protruding from your own

@Blondesjon ; I don’t think I’ve ever heard you quote scripture before:-)

I did that way up there and I’ve PMed apologies to some. I attend to the timbers when I see them. That may not be every time, but I try to catch it when I can. Those puppies hurt!

@Judi . . . there are a few gems in there once you get past the begets, wars, and slavery. you know, if you read it in the hopes of gaining a little wisdom as opposed to reading it to just pick it apart.

@Blondesjon Not to mention the epic-scale stories of the wars and begets and such. :P

@incendiary_dan . . . i’m not a black/white, on/off, all or nothin’ kind of guy. i take only what i need where i can get it and leave the rest behind.

Thank you for asking this question @hawaii_jake. It never does any of us any harm to do a little self-reflecting and I think this thread has given us all pause to consider how we can be better members of this community. I will certainly be striving to improve on my failings.

@Blondesjon I’m just saying, there’s a reason the Ten Commandments is one of my favorite movies over a decade after I stopped affiliating with Abrahamic religions. That’s just good storytelling.

@incendiary_dan . . . indeed. the whole don’t kill, steal, cheat on your spouse, and worry about what other people have is also pretty compelling whether you’re religious or not. that’s just good advice.

the rest of the commandments are kind of silly and/or egotistical in my opinion. i ignore them, you know, the whole “take what i need and leave the rest” thing i was talking about.

The things that disappoint me on Fluther are:

When a Jelly asks a question, then gets about a hundred helpful answers that are very similar (usually with regards to a relationship problem) but then says, but what if I just… and ignores the real solution to the problem. But yet, I keep checking back to see if the OP will finally “get it.”

When people post mean or naughty answers without caring about the fact that the OP is a kid.

When kids (and sometimes adults) get on Fluther and ask questions that have a false premise, or present a dangerous situation that they are involved with and then get all pissy when the Jellies try to point this out to them and suggest that they re-think their position for their own safety’s sake or so that they won’t make a fool of themselves, publicly if they continue to espose their false premise. Examples are usually given and rejected by the OP.

I’m also disappointed when a Jelly posts a question, gives a bunch of information about themselves and their situation, but then gets all pissy about our helpful answers and says something like, “You don’t know me or my situation!” Who’s fault is that? We only have what the OP says in the first place to go by.

When people ask not to be judged. We all judge each other, due to our own experiences and knowledge about things. If we didn’t, we would all have the exact same thoughts and reactions to every situation.

When people come on Fluther and say that it’s OK for themselves (a person with a particular problem, affliction or condition) to not associate with other people who have that same problem, because it will double their trouble or exacerbate their own problem, but it’s not OK for the rest of us who don’t suffer from that particular problem to decide, for our own personal reasons, not to get involved with people who have that problem, and then suggest that it is discrimination or isolation or not having a heart. All people decide who they want to associate with or date or marry based on their own feelings, desires, experiences, preferences and capacities. Everybody does that.

I’m not thrilled when someone asks a serious question and then some of us jellies (usually me and a few others and you all know who we are) post a long (to them) detailed, thoughtful answer, but then the OP says that they don’t have time to “read a novel” or they just want a “simple answer” even though their question and the answers to their question are just not simple or quick or easy. Some questions cannot receive a yes or no answer. No one is forcing anyone to read any or all of the answers, there’s a thing called a mouse, that allows you to scroll through the answers that you don’t want to see.

It bums me out when a Jelly has asked an interesting, thought provoking question, gets a bunch of varied answers, but then never comes back to let us know if any of the answers worked out for them. They just vanish into thin air.

I don’t care for snarky one word answers to some poor jelly’s serious question, even though that usually happens when the question appears to be very naive. Some people are very naive, but they still need good, helpful, thoughtful answers to their questions, not snark.

Religious questions that don’t take into account that Christianity is only one of many relgions in the world. Or religious questions that discount other world religions.

Honestly, I’ve spent a lot of time on sites that are SO much more rude than the rudest comment you could ever find on Fluther. Fluther isn’t perfect but it’s so much better than the majority of the internet. I know that doesn’t justify the occasional rudeness, but really, I’m fine with it.

I hope I personally haven’t offended many people. I’ve been PMed and asked to back off when I’ve gotten into “debate mode” and forgot to be nice (which I do a fair amount – I apologize) so I’d like to extend an apology to anyone I’ve offended or disappointed, and I hope people will PM me when this happens.

@Mariah I must have missed those questions in which you got rude in a debate mode. All of your questions and responses have always been so thought provoking and humbling. I can’t imagine you ever getting pissy with anyone or anyone taking you to task. : )

Now I am because no one even mentioned they like me. : (

@mazingerz88 We like you, we really like you.

said in my best Sally Field imitation

@mazingerz88 Be happy nobody mentioned they hate you. It is a question about disappointments, after all. It’s probably better not to get mentioned.

@Kardamom Ah, see that’s why I’m in Fluther. I posted that thinking about Sally Field and voila, you brought up the image an instant later. That proves that with all the differences jellies have between each other, there will always be yet unknown similarities and those exciting discoveries in this whole dizzying process imo, are the reasons which compel us to stay.

In the long run Jakey, and it’s been a long run here – for every time I am disappointed – I am grateful to Fluther for having met great Jellies – people – like yourself.

Yesssss. When a question of mine only gets one or two replies, and one is “Google it”. HATEFUL!!!

To support my previous answer about feeling disappointed when young people are not treated with some understanding, this recent Q kind of fits.

@JLeslie Of course, that is assuming that everyone is who they say they are. People can pretend to be any age/sex they want to be. It’s the internet.

@JLeslie I agree.

@chyna that is irrelevant. I think unless someone is blatantly a troll who is asking for a follow on twitter or promoting a product, we should take all questions on face value and answer them as such. Whether the person is made up or pretending is of no importance to the actual question.

@sarahhhhh : When the thread devolves after all have been taking it seriously, and the OP keeps shifting the focus and displaying more and more prurient tendencies on what might have originally been a reasonable Q, it becomes relevant.

@JilltheTooth taking as an example the question @JLeslie has linked: I didn’t see the OP’s explanations as shifting the focus. She was just trying to elaborate on her question, in my opinion. I think her attempts may be misread because it appears English is not her first language and she cannot communicate particularly effectively through it.

Also many times I have found myself to ask a question and after reading a few answers a related question will occur to me which I may ask in the thread. Since her question was sexual to begin with, any follow on comment from her would go in the same direction.

Even if she does shift the focus of the question, how does that make her identity relevant to the question? We are all virtual here. Whether we portray ourselves exactly as we are in our lives or we take on a character doesn’t detract from the value of the question. The question should be judged and answered on its own merit.

@sarahhhhh . . . I think unless someone is blatantly a troll who is asking for a follow on twitter or promoting a product . . .

That is actually what spammers do. Just sayin’.

@Blondesjon I don’t follow? What do you mean to say? That those aren’t called trolls and are spammers instead?

Yeah. Trolls and Spammers are two separate kinds Internet trash.

Yea lately I feel fluther has woken up on the wrong side of the bed.

People don’t read the details of a question and start answering it anyway, seriously why are you even on fluther then?
Also the personal attacks seem to be increasing.

It’s been like a full moon all week, I think. Everyone needs to take a chill pill, and get back that ‘lurving feeling’.

@sophiesword : Anytime you feel an answer or a question is a personal attack you can flag it, and you probably should. I did a lot of that when I was new, and I taught me a lot about what the mods do around here. It was a good learning experience.

@Blondesjon I see. I was actually told on here that OPs posing to promote a product were also trolls. Oh well. Tomayto Tomaato.

@augustlan You are so right. We need @Coloma to make some of her happy brownies.

No matter what I say to jellies, I always lurve most of you.

@augustlan . . . Just exactly what in fuck’s name do you mean by that ridiculous fucking statement?

just trying to divert the righteous brothers’ attention so you don’t get sued for that lurvin’ feeling. you’re welcome.

@Blondesjon ; The reason I never close my eyes anymore when you kiss my lips is cuz of that fucking great timber in there. Damn.

@augustlan agreed. It’s silly to get butthurt over things on the internet.

@JilltheTooth . . . i like it. it looks like you’re winking at me.

@JLeslie To support my previous answer about feeling disappointed when young people are not treated with some understanding, this recent Q kind of fits. In the US, I am not sure how the rest of the world actually see it, the mere thought of a question like this gives people the heebie jeebies. Knee jerk reaction, it is somehow trying to promote or excuse pedophilia. It is near impossible to get a Yankee to fathom there can actually be young women that age that would actually desire to be intimate with a man that old or older, balderdash is what they say. Instead of taking the question on its face merit and looking at all the option of why the question was asked and the plausible reasons behind it, people immediately yell, ”raise shields, prepare to return fire!”. I seen right off what the spirit or the intention of the question was headed, and I am no genius or PhD.

@Hypocrisy_Central I guess maybe I was stuck in the third grade on that one then. I also was thinking similar to you that the Q just hit a nerve; triggered something in certain people. Maybe they had something really bad happen to them when they were young? To cause them to be so reactive. I hope not, I hope I am wrong.

Disappointed? Yes. There are no semi-nude avatars dammit!

@mazingerz88 Well… no not anymore.^

The more expectations the more dissapointments. Better to have just realistic expectations.

Why is @Kardamom so frikkin great?
I love you!!
And I totally agree with what Auggie and @sophiesword said. I am feeling a negative air around Fluther the past 3 weeks.

@MilkyWay Mercury’s in retrograde… maybe that’s why :D

@linguaphile Yea, in general I don’t buy into astrology, but that Mercury seems to always be spot on.

Humor is good, but not gross. Some people respond in gross, blunt, words and why do we need that? You can get that anywhere.