Should I call my boss tonight to apologise for lashing out at her today?

Speak to her in person tomorrow. They need you now, but a person who relies on—and abuses—that kind of advantage gets put on the “to be replaced when the opportunity arises” list. Apologizing quickly may keep you off that list. It’s also the decent thing to do.

Oh, the only problem is she isn’t always there. This whole month, today was the only day she showed up (lucky me!), so i figured I have to contact her some other way rather than guess her arrival… I just don’t know if it should be email (is that too informal?) or I should get it done now and call her :/

Don’t do it tonight. You’ll be bothering her at this time. If you can’t see her in person tomorrow, call her then. In person > phone call > e-mail > text message.

The thing is by calling her you might be interrupting something way more serious than your relashinship. You might make it worse.

Should I email her tonight then, or just call her tomorrow morning?

She might feel even the email is too prersonal.

So, call her in the morning???? O_o

You are not going in to work? If not, call her at work in the morning.

What is your normal way of communicating with her when she isn’t at work?

I’d keep it all at work. If you want to talk to her or email her, do it all by work email or in person at work. I wouldn’t let personal life and work life entertwine.

@flo she isn’t always at work

@Seaofclouds email and phone.

You may find out that the confrontation is bothering her as much as it is you. I have been in a very similar position but on the other side (the boss). Some indication that the blowup is not terminal, would put both of you at ease. I would send an E-Mail, let her know you regret the confrontation and ask to meet. I wouldn’t use the email for an apology but just a method to set the tone for your meeting.

@Jaxk Thanks! It’s good to get an opinion from someone who has been on that side.

One way or the other, I think you need to address it. You can’t just leave it the way it is, b/c nothing good can come of that.

In person, or on the phone is best. And be genuine. If you lashed out b/c she’s mistreating you, you need to touch on that subject too . . . just apologizing for your part wouldn’t solve the whole problem!

@mrrich724 & @yoshiboshi

Just a word of caution. It’s much like arguing with your spouse, you both need each other. If I blow up at my wife and regret doing so, I apologize for that. You want to be leary of using that apology to try and win the original argument. They are separate issues.

I agree with @Jaxk, especially on the point made directly above.

Yes, I never planned to let this go and not having apologized, especially considering I will be working with these people very closely for a while now. And definitely @mrrich724, I want to speak with her and let her know that I regret the lashing out but also explain WHY I did it. Explaining like a spouse seems to be a good analogy. We do both need each other. I just hope she can understand my frustrations enough.

I sent her an email and I am hoping on a response soon.

@yoshiboshi

I wish you well. I’ll still caution that an apology that starts with “I apologize BUT….....” is unlikely to solve your problem.

Send her an email asking if you can see her first thing in the morning “to clear the air.”

I agree with sending an email to confirm a breif meeting and a chance to discuss the situation and offer your apology.

I think the boss has some responsibility too.

Just because someone is ‘the boss’, doesn’t mean they should not be sincere in listening to their employees concerns and feelings in certain situations.

Sure, I’d initiate the olive branch to take my responsibility, but, I would also not allow my concerns to be dismissed so easily.

If your boss doesn’t have the management skill she needs, that is not your problem. You do, however have a right to be heard.

Telling an employees to ‘deal with it’ is dismissive and unprofessional in itself IMO.

I would never respond like that to anyone, period.

This is the body of email: I would like to apologize for walking out today in anger. I do regret it, as doing so showed unprofessionalism and a lack of self-control. I understand that, but I feel like I should at least explain the circumstances of the situation today that generated such a reaction from me. I would like to do this in person, so I was hoping you would have some time in your schedule to meet with me and speak about this. I feel it is important as I would like to continue to do things with [organization], even after my contract, and settling any issues now would be important if I wish to continue with [organization]. Of course, I know your schedule is probably much busier than mine, so please let me know. Thank you for your time.

Wish I would have asked to see her in the morning like you suggested @marinelife, I need to get this weight off my shoulders!

I agree @Coloma. Her stern response shocked me honestly, I didn’t expect it. I felt it almost like a slap in the face. I remember my managers in a grocery store I once worked in (first job) were SO much more understanding and caring than this… I have a feeling that something else might be going on that caused her to react in this way, so I think our hopeful meeting could really “clear the air”.

Your email sets the right tone. Poke your head in her office early in the morning and ask if it is a good time for her.

@yoshiboshi I understand that, but and I feel like I should at least explain the circumstances of the situation today that generated such a reaction from me.

@Aethelflaed

Good catch. I don’t know if anyone else see the difference but it seems to soften the response from somehow justifying the incident to resolving the incident. Just my opinion.

@Jaxk As do I.

“Compose” the email tonight, and deliver it via email before you go to work in the morning. At least that way she’ll understand – at least – that you didn’t spend “company time” in writing it. Follow up the email with a visit in her office if she’s there, and if she’s not, then wait for her to respond (without hovering or sending any kind of follow-up email or ‘signal’ that you’re anxious to talk).

Most of all, change your behavior so that this doesn’t happen again. Take her advice and “deal with it.”

@yoshiboshi

Again just my opinion but I’d hesitant to call myself unprofessional and lacking self control in an email. It should suffice to say it was an overreaction. There’s no point in leaving a paper trail with that kind of language just in case she’s not as good a manager as we all hope she is.

@Jaxk I did not say to use the apology to win the argument. I said to address both issues. B/C if she doesn’t, she will continue to be unhappy and may eventually “blow up” again. B/C nothing, in the end, got solved!

@yoshiboshi, when you get a chance to discuss the issue, independent of smoothing over the reaction, go back to the basics: First very plainly explain that “this is important to you” and therefore would like to express your feelings at a moment when you have her attention, than use the “when you…. I feel statements”. They are not as attacking, stick to communicating your “opinions and feelings”. For instance “I was being mistreated and disrespected at work” is an accusatory statement, and do your really know what’s in her head or what she is going through. How about, “when she does _____ I don’t feel respected”. See the difference.

@yoshiboshi

Let us know how this worked out for you.

Thank you all for your answers! I got an email from her back saying she was glad I emailed her and she was very willing to talk. So all in all, this has worked out! Thanks! :)

@yoshiboshi Thank you for the update. Please keep us posted. It may help some of us learn that supervisors can be human and rational as well.

@yoshiboshi Excellent! Glad to hear it!