How do women mostly cope with the notion that there will always be women out there who are more beautiful, smarter, brighter, more educated and better all round?

Do you mean this for women in relationships?

Are there? ~

Probably the same way men cope with the same concept.

Dear Zephyra, I do hope you recognize that you might be suffering self-esteem issues (if I am understanding your question). As with anything in the world, there are those “above” you and those “below” you. Find what is good and valuable in yourself and celebrate that.

Do you really think people in general walk around worrying about how other people look compared to them 24/7? No one would get anywhere if we did that. We’d be making legislation prohibiting people with natural beauty from wearing makeup to make others feel better instead of budgeting lol.

I don’t think about other people.

Why should women be disturbed about this when the same thing is true of men as well?

I focus on my needs, and caring for my relationship.

I just get kind of pissed off that they’re all taller than me. That’s just not fair.

Those poor delicate wonderful little creatures. ;¬}

The women out there who are more beautiful, smarter, brighter, more educated and better all round may not be at all loved, or may have particular character defects. It is never a good idea to compare one’s insides (one’s self esteem) with someone else’s outside (how they appear to the world).

This is not a “woman’s” issue, this is something everyone experiences in some shape or form. How we deal with it, especially as we age, is a key to being happy and satisfied with our own lives.

As we get older, we all must realize our own worth and our own beauty.

I cope by doing 3 things.
I don’t envy anyone.
They may be younger, prettier or smarter but they are not me.
If my husband ever did get lured than good luck to her and him when he’s older and needs his diaper changed. All I know, is it won’t be my job then. Who’s smarter then? LOL

I don’t worry about it. I know how my husband feels about me and I know that his feelings aren’t based on any one area alone (looks, intelligence, money, etc). Instead, I know that he loves me for all that I am (and all that I’m not) and while there may be others better (and worse) than me, there aren’t any others exactly like me and I’m the one my husband loves. :-)

There continue to be women, day after day and year after year, who are younger than I? What to do? Brood, sulk and gnash my teeth? I think not.

Today is such a gift; I love being me. It’s a good thing, since I can’t be anyone else.

@JilltheTooth Me too!

There is no one in the world exactly like me. I don’t want to get all spiritual on you, but even if you don’t believe in the “God” aspect of the following verse, the idea that it takes all different kinds of people to make things work makes sense. If we all were Managers, then who would build? Who would farm? Who would create?
1 Corinthians 12:1
Now if the foot should say, “Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body,” it would not for that reason stop being part of the body. And if the ear should say, “Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body,” it would not for that reason stop being part of the body. If the whole body were an eye, where would the sense of hearing be? If the whole body were an ear, where would the sense of smell be? But in fact God has placed the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be. If they were all one part, where would the body be? As it is, there are many parts, but one body. The eye cannot say to the hand, “I don’t need you!” And the head cannot say to the feet, “I don’t need you!” On the contrary, those parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, and the parts that we think are less honorable we treat with special honor. And the parts that are unpresentable are treated with special modesty, while our presentable parts need no special treatment. But God has put the body together, giving greater honor to the parts that lacked it, so that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other. If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it.

I don’t have any issues with “low self esteem”, but I’ve recognized forever that there are men who are “all that” better than me: smarter, better looking, stronger, richer, more ambitious, more athletic, better dressed, better in bed… you name it. There is always someone ‘better’ in some or many ways. There are even better sailors than me (that tends to gall a bit). So what? Frankly, I celebrate that. If I were the model of “the best in the world”, then the world would be a pretty awful place. (On the other hand, because I don’t have low self esteem, I also recognize that if everyone in the world was more like me, the world would be a much better place than it is.)

So I’m okay with who I am, and I recognize that I have room – plenty of room! – for improvement. And sometimes I make improvements, too.

When I’m with a partner, then I try to be “the best for her” at that moment, and I don’t worry about all of the moments when I’m not with her. If she finds someone “better than me” and decides to pursue a relationship, then it’s my time to find someone “better for me”, too. (I don’t look forward to those times, but I accept that they occur, and don’t over-much stress about it.)

I’m comfortable with me so it doesn’t bother me that much. Now, if someone deliberately tries to put me down, it is an entirely different matter.

I discovered long ago that just because maybe I’m a “nobody”, I can still have a huge impact on my community. A bit of background first: My entire life my mother had a horrible disease that caused her to have constant pain due to muscle spasms all over her body. I suppose in an effort to make lemonade out of the lemons life had handed her, she taught me how to deal with muscle spasms. The method is similar to the Bradley method of childbirth. Now on to my illustration.

When I was 17 I volunteered in a hospital, One day I was assigned to the pediatric ward. I got off the elevator to hear screaming coming from one of the rooms, so of course I ran to investigate. I found a tiny little girl, maybe 3 years old. She was all alone in a big white bed with bars, and she had tubes running into her stomach and into her arms. It was a scene right out of a horror movie. I ran back to the nurse’s station and asked what was going on, and they told me she had received surgery and was having muscle spasms in her stomach.

Well I knew enough that you never leave a tiny child alone to suffer in pain, and besides that, I knew what to do for the muscle spasms! So I ran back to the little girl. I tried to get her attention, but she was in her own little world, and couldn’t hear me. Finally I took her little hands and squeezed and shook them gently. She stopped screaming and looked at me.

I said, “You don’t have to live like this. You can control your pain, and I’m going to show you how.” Then I made her look at me and breathe in and out slowly along with me. We went on like that for a few minutes, Every time her concentration wavered, she’d start to get scared, her stomach would tighten up, and the spasms would begin again. Then I’d bring her back to breathing with me, and the muscle spasms would go away.

FInally I said, “You don’t hurt anymore, do you?” Startled, she started to laugh, which of course, brought on more muscle spasms, so I explained that laughing was one thing she couldn’t do because it would make her tummy hurt again. But as long as she breathed slowly, it wouldn’t hurt.

After we’d been working like this for a few minutes, I heard a sound behind me. I turned around to find everyone on the floor had slipped into the room behind me, and were lining the walls.

When I got up that morning, I did not forsee that in just a few minutes time, I would alter how an entire hospital would change how they dealt with pain and suffering. This experience taught me that even “nobodys” have greatness in them.

So do you my friend. You just need to believe it, and then you need to find it.

its because the same can be said for men, there is always be better more muscular, more sucessful, smarter, hotter, and etc…… why should women be the only ones to have a complex so just let it go or go crazy worrying

How do the top athletes cope with the fact that there are up and coming athletes that are more promising than they were? Athletes that are better at their game then the current?

How do artists cope with the fact that there are all kinds of artists out there who are creative, clever, excellent artists, and who may be the next Leonardo da Vinci, while they themselves may not ever be?

How do famous chefs cope with knowing there are graduates from culinary institutes all the time that have newer, fresher ideas?

How do doctors cope with knowing there are researchers and other doctors who toil day and night to discover new things, new cures, new ideas?

How does anybody deal with living when there’s always going to be someone that’s brighter, smarter, more handsome, a better cook, a better lover, more virile, better hair, whiter teeth, a better batter, a better catcher, makes more goals, taller, thinner, better body, wider shoulders, tighter abs, newer ideas, stronger, richer, the list goes on and on….....crawling into a hole now to hide at thought of the younger, thinner up and coming girls out there…...

I’m 5 feet tall. Almost every woman is taller, has longer legs than me-etc. I don’t care. I’m fine being me, in my body.

I sure as heck hope guys aren’t walking around thinking, “I bet that guy’s hung better than me” or “Jeez, his guns are immense without flexing”.

Maybe I’m not in the norm. I just am not that superficial.

Because no one is perfect. The chances that the long wavy haired blonde with the perfect tan and perfect legs has as awesome a personality as me are really slim. Ya win some ya lose some.

I’ve just finally accepted that I’m pretty damn attractive to people the way I am.

There are women out there who are physically more attractive than I am, but I am pretty sure they have just as many hang-ups about their looks as I do about mine. We are never satisfied with ourselves. There always seems to be something we would change, so it’s all relative.

Smarter. Some are. Some are not. Those that are I can learn from. All good.

Brighter? I am a bit of a bright spark actually and generally very positive. If someone is more so either as a rule or just on occasions, good on them! I hope they will be around me and make my life better.

Better educated. I don’t think I can get more educated in a formal sense but I hope I will keep learning every day of my life. My education will never stop and there will always be people, from all walks of life, that I can learn from.

Better all round? That person doesn’t exist. There may be people who are prettier or smarter or whatever but there will be things they can’t do or don’t do that I manage better.

I don’t live my life looking at others and saying “they are so much better at xxx than I am”. I applaud those who have achieved more by merit but otherwise, ho hum. I am more concerned with improving myself than by coveting other people’s strengths.

As long as my SO loves me (and demonstrates that to me), and we’re uber-compatible, that’s all that really matters.

There’s always gonna be other people around that may be “better” than me, but if my SO picked me and seems to want to continue to be with me and we’re in love, then those other people don’t matter.

The only time those other people matter is if the SO decides he doesn’t love me any more and goes after one of them. But if you go into a relationship assuming that’s going to happen, it’s likely to be a self fulfilling prophecy.

For me, it’s just the way it’s always been. I was never the “pretty girl” but the “cute one” and so I got comfortable in my own skin. Aside from physical beauty, there are other bits of me I am very confident of, those qualities or traits of mine that are valued, admired and celebrated.

My SO came to love me and wanted to spend the rest of his life with me for those things, not because of how I look. I think seriously that my looks played maybe only a 40% bit in his attraction to me but in the eyes of love, my physical attractiveness has grown immensely. It’s like I finally got my own sprinkling of crack dust.

I don’t mind that they’re out there. I only mind that my husband does not think of me as his ideal physically. It surely makes me feel like less of a woman.

Well, you know you have arrived in your maturity and growth when this sort of question never even crosses your mind.

The answer would be ” So what?”

The fastest way to despair is to compare.

Apples and Oranges and all that jazz. ;-)

I punch them in the face as I walk by. They won’t look so pretty with a broken nose. :)

I’m kidding, of course. I’ve never seriously hit anyone in my life.

@Coloma: It’s kind of hard not to compare when you discover drastic differences between you and your SO’s “type”. I’m a pretty confident woman in what looks I have and never gave it a thought when dating my guy until people started talking who knew him longer than I; people who brought up, “gee, you’re really different than the girls he normally would pick…, have you ever met his ex wife?” Suddenly I had something to think about otherwise why would people note it so drastically for me?

Somewhere, sometime and for some reason, you are likely to find yourself not in the confident seat.

I sit in the corner and pout. It didn’t work when I was 4 and it doesn’t work now. I’m trying to think nasty thoughts, but that doesn’t work either. I guess I’ll try another corner. I mean, what’s a girl to DO?

@Sunny2 : Come hang with us shorties, we’re constantly overlooked. Literally.

@Neizvestnaya

You just have to be secure within yourself, consider the option. ;-)

I’d say that most women don’t worry about it so there is no need to cope with it. Only women who have a low self esteem or who are highly superficial would have to “cope” with the fact that there are prettier women out there.

I’d imagine that most of the women I’ve been acquainted with didn’t even let this type of thinking into their mind. . . they’ve been pretty happy (or at least enough) with themselves so as not to entertain the thoughts.

@JilltheTooth But I’m not short. In fact, I used to be tall until I realized my 8th grade girl students were towering over me. Now I’m just kind of average height. But I stand very tall. My daughter is 5’11.”

Those who compare are among the lowest. I rarely think about things like that.

A straight line is boring.
Your husbands love you for your personality and character and there are different traits in everyone, maybe the the traits which appeal to him aren’t found in other women.

Thinking about this question, I need to give you a real practical answer based on experience.
When my husband and I were early married, and we went through some normal rough patches, a couple of times he said, “maybe we should get a divorce.” It felt manipulative to me. (Do it my way or we are not compatible.)
Finally, I told him that if divorce was an option then lets get it over with. I refused to spend my life afraid that he might divorce me. If he was committed to the relationship then the “D” word had to be off the table.
21 years later, and we are more in love than ever. I think it was healthy for both of us to be free of the fear that one or the other would arbitrarily leave.