Scammers, slammers and spammers: How do you play with a telemarkerter's head?

“I’ll buy one if you tell me you love me” is my line. (some actually do)

However this is by far the best I have seen.

My brother gives them a drum solo.

When my son was littler, I used to give the phone to him. He’d babble on and on until they hung up.

Why not just say “I’m not interested. Thank you.” and hang up. These people are just trying to get by. They know people hate what they do. Do you think they’re going to say, “Whoa! That last guy really got me good!”?

Why waste your time pretending to be clever while wasting the time of some poor chump on the other line who isn’t trying to ruin your life.

Note: I haven’t received a telemarketer call in years thanks to the Massachusetts do not call registry.

@poisonedantidote Tom Mabe is the best!

“So, what are you wearing?”

You can have a lot of fun with them if you have a toddler or baby in the house. like @SpatzieLover said ;)

Or do like my husband does and pretend you don’t speak English or talk like a very old lady who can’t hear well.

I’m not very confrontational, but when I do get angry, nothing is better than straight forward calling someone out on their BS. I would tell them I know what they are doing, and tell them how shitty it is.

I don’t. I only answer calls I recognize and have been given an identifier in my celly.

I tell them I work for Direct Marketing Development Services, then I ask them where I can send the bill for the emergency after hours consultation.

@poisonedantidote
Great answer.

I let them get comfortable with their spiel feign interest and then start asking them all sort of personal questions….what was your favorite class in high school, why they are working as a telemarketer…these answers are where it always gets interesting as no-one chooses to work in a boiler room career. I was one for 3 months so I know all the tricks to get inside their heads and really mess with them.

“With Verizon you said, eh…, well, just a moment, I will call Mr. rebbel, I am just his assistant you see. Hold the line please.”
Whistle a tune now, for about two minutes.
“Erhh, I am sorry, Mr. rebbel currently is not available…, who was it again you said you were…., ah yes, of course, Verizon. Just a sec, I will try again.”
Consultate with ‘Mr. rebbel’ and make sure Mr. Verizon can hear just enough of it
“It’s a sucker from Verizon, but I told him that you are not available to him…....”
Go back to Mr. Verizon.
“Er, hello again, yeah you see, after some deliberation we decided to take the fire insurance from the other company after all, but thanks for your offer, also on behalf of Mr. rebbel!”

@Cruiser
My husband says, can I have your home number? I will call you back at Dinner Time.
I just say, not interested click.

Once you ask them to take you off their “list,” they must comply. . . so I don’t know how bored you must be to spend a moment extra on the phone with them. . .

First I ask who I am speaking with and then simply say “no thank you”, it must be a shit of a job, I figure anyone doing it must be fairly desperate, I don’t see any point in making the job more humiliating than I imagine it already is.

@poisonedantidote Thanks. That was hilarous.

@tom_g My number’s been on the Do Not Call Registry since 2003.But it’s listed to my business. I know your answer makes perfect sense, but I still think doing something like what @poisonedantidote linked to would be worth the 10 minute distraction.

@filmfann Ha! Great one. Start chatting em up.

@jonsblond No Toddlers. But have you ever heard a double-talk master do their thing? Alan King (rest his soul) pioneered the art, but unfortunately, I couldn’t find a video of him. However, there is this. That sort of patter could make a telemarketing call immediately turn from mildly annoying to massively amusing.

@Blackberry I know exactly what you mean, but I am sure they get that all the time. I want to be more like Monty Python, And now, for something*completely* different..

@WestRiverra Ever get any checks? :-)

@Cruiser Ha! Perfect. So easy to implement.

@rebbel Devilishly devious. GA!

Honestly, while all these answers are great, most of this, if not all, is not going to actually mess with the people calling you. In fact, you’re probably just making their night better by giving them a story to share with their co-workers. Telemarketers and such have tough skin. It’s all a joke to us.

The easiest way to get removed from the list, assuming you aren’t on the Do Not Call List, (which only applies to people selling things) is to be firm and say, “No, thank you. I never do surveys/I never buy blahblahblah, etc.” We have no reason to keep trying back if you tell us you NEVER respond to what we are doing.
You just have to be specific. Where I work, we will call people who say a plain “No.” or “Not right now.” back up to three times while on one project. Don’t get a spouse or kid to say it for you either. It doesn’t count. Also, if you screen our calls and let it go to the machine, we may call back every half hour trying to get through. It’s better to just answer the phone.

I’ve experienced almost everything listed in the answers above. If someone tries to be funny, sometimes we will call again and again to keep messing with YOU. Look at it from our end, we are trying to do our job. The sooner you say no, the sooner we can move on to the next call. We have no way to “code” someone who messes with us, other than to keep trying back.

Sometimes I break the rules and remove people who are sincerely sweet to me. Keep that in mind next time you get a call.

Don’t yell at or try to mess with the poor folks who are calling you. It’s not their fault.

Mr. Fiance was looking for a job for 4 months when we first moved to Toronto, and after 4 months he got his first interview – telemarketing. I’m sure not many people want to do it – it’s just that sometimes, that’s all you can get, at least for a while.

Like @8Convulsions said, just say no. The scripts that most telemarketers are given require them to rebut at least twice, and they need to follow their scripts to keep their jobs – their calls are monitored and they get in trouble if they’re caught not following the rules.

@8Convulsions & @Seelix While all the shenanigans do seem like fun, your stories have touched my heart. I will take your good advice and apply it. Thanks.