What was the worst way you found out about a loved ones death?

I called my house to say I’m working late and my aunt blurted out that my brother’s dead and hung up. I then had to call the house back, ask for my mother (who was in no better shape) and demand to know why no one called me.

Since I was the closet to them, my cousin called me at work all hysterical and begged me to come help him as he found his dad in the living room with his brains all splattered all over the ceiling. I got there before the police….ugh! Asshole did that to his kids and used a 45 to boot!

When I was a senior in highschool I found out why my boyfriend hadn’t called me for a few days by turning on the news to hear he had been shot and killed.
Last year I found out that one of my dearest friends of 15 years had committed suicide… via Facebook.

Both sucked.

I checked on the old widow next door every morning on my way to work. One weekend morning I was running late and didn’t get there until about 10:00.

She had died sometime during the night, and her 12 cats that had not been fed were eating her.

@WestRiverrat I actually gasped out loud when I read that.

Without being fed for only 24 hours? You can’t be serious.

I found out that an aunt and uncle died via the internet. I was trying to find their address to send them a Christmas card and instead found their obituaries. I was sad that they died, but I was really pissed that no one called me or any of my sisters. Thing is, they were always able to find my middle sister’s phone number when they wanted to get into Disneyworld for free.

Grandpa

We were at the funeral home for my grandmother’s visitation, and the hospital called to say my grandfather had died as well.

It wasn’t a death, but it resulted in a death. My dad didn’t call me to say happy birthday. I had emigrated to Australia and I loved my dad and missed his call. So I called home. I was told he was in hospital and had had a heart attack, but would be fine. They hadn’t called me because they ‘didn’t want to worry me’ (WTF!!! I have a right to worry about my dad). I was told not to fly home. He really was going to be fine. I kept in touch by phone but a week later, my sister’s boyfriend at the time rang to say my father died. Nobody in my family rang me to tell me directly. I am still hurt about the way I was told about my father’s illness and subsequent death.

I got off a plane, didn’t see my husband and children. Waited. Got my luggage. Waited. Back then we didn’t have cellphones. I waited. Waited some more. Finally got a cab to go home. Nobody home. Within minutes got a knock at the door with the worst news of my life. Car accident took the lives of my husband and two small children while they were on the way to the airport to pick me up.

@bkcunningham my gosh, that’s heartbreaking. I am so very sorry, no one should have to experience anything like that.

Another vote for Facebook. When a beloved aunt passed away, a comment from a second cousin in an e-mail exchange alerted me to the fact about a week after she died. This was a woman I took a week off every year to go and visit and even offered giving up my career in order to move in with her to care for her.

The most shocking though was an online friend. Imagine a close Fluther friend who is on here daily suddenly disappearing. Fortunately, the person who knew him best knew his full name and where he lived. She did a search of his hometown’s obits and found the announcement. He had died at home of a heart attack. A few of us were willing to make the trek to attend the funeral, but how would one explain the relationship to those that don’t understand the power of an online friendship and without having ever met the diseased? In the end, we opted for a tribute to him on the website, hosted by the owners.

OMG @bkcunningham That is devastating…how horrible and so sad. Worst nightmare ever and you lived it! I am so sorry that happened to you! I don’t know what else to say…

@bkcunningham that would be my worst nightmare. I mirror what @Cruiser just said. I am sorry this happened to you.

Thank you guys for your kind words. It means alot to me. Really.

@bkcunningham that is the utmost worst……. I don’t thing there is anything that could be worst

I found out my sister died when I went to her apartment one day and she had been sitting in the summer heat for 3 days. The stench of death never leaves you…

Ok @KateTheGreat you just toped the worst I am so so sorry now this is a very very sad topic, I think I have to unfollow its getting to sad

Just, wow. I can’t hardly fathom what’s happened to you all, and I’m so sorry you’ve had to experience these things. :(

@bkcunningham Your story made me cry. I can’t even fathom what that was like. I wouldn’t be able to live another day after that.

I want to thank everyone here for opening a very dark place in your heart and sharing with all of us. Your stories are just heartbreaking, but somehow have made me feel better about my wifes situation. I guess it’s the old adage about pain shared is pain spared.
You guys are great, and so is this site!

I learned my brother died when I was drunk from celebrating my birthday. My birthday was on Monday, so I started drinking Friday after work. Got home about 2:30am and got a call from my sister wanting to know if I was going to go get his body.

@bkcunningham So heartbreaking. My heart goes out to you.

@bkcunningham My heart dropped. I’m so very sorry.

Went to the hospital to see my sick mother. Some MD resident stops me at her door. He says, “You can’t go in the room. The patient has expired”. Asshole.

bkcunningham I have no words to express what I want to say. I am so sorry for your devastating loss. We all fear something like this happening to us and I am sure when it happened it felt almost surreal. My heart goes out to you.

I was going to post, but after reading them all I simply have to pass on my feeling of sorrow in all of them.
There are no words that can comfort when it comes to any loss let alone tragic ones such as these.
Prayers go out to those that have been lost and those that have suffered like this in the tragedy.

My favorite teacher back in high school drowned himself while I was out for a field exercise. Though I had regular contact with family, none of them decided to tell me even though they knew as his death was in the papers. They didn’t tell me until well after I was home for roughly a week and a half at which point the funeral had taken place a few days prior.

My room mate in college had several friends die when they drove a Caterpillar onto an icy lake. It was before cell phones and the dorm had a pay phone down the hall. No one could find her so someone wrote it on the dry erase board outside our room. I arrived home to late to remove it before she saw it.

My band leader was in his seventies, but he had been coming to practice regularly. He’d missed one, but was there that night, and told us he wasn’t sure he’d make the next rehearsal. He was feeling sick and he didn’t know if he’d be alive. We all thought he was being dramatic and assured him he would be ok. Of course, he knew.

The next morning at 5 am, I got a call from his wife, asking me to take her to the hospital. He was in bad shape and if we wanted to see him, we needed to get there right away. So I quickly pulled on my clothes and picked her up and we got to the hospital in half an hour. We went to his room, but they told us we should come into a conference room.

I knew what that meant, but I didn’t want to believe it. A doctor came in, and told us, and asked us if we wanted to see the body. It is so strange seeing the body of someone you love without any life in him. They arranged the body with his arms at his sides, so stiffly.

They thought he might have had Leukemia, but there was no autopsy. He didn’t have health insurance, so he never went to the doctor. I’m sure he was eligible for Medicaid since he lived in section 8 housing. He has played with the greats—Ellington, Coleman, Gillespie and on and on. He was donating his talent for the kids of the neighborhood. And no money and no health insurance and no social security.

So it was weird—him trying to tell us what was happening and us not believing it. He knew. I guess he was ready to give up. I was pissed. We weren’t done. But death is kind of hard to argue with.

@ BKCUNNINGHAM You are a hero being able to go on after something like that! There are no words to describe your endless strength and courage.

I was standing next to a member of my squad when he was shot in the groin and chest. I held him as he bled to death. Then I had to write the letter to his wife.

I am awed by the excruciating experiences of people here. My heart is with you all.
I found out a loved one died by reading his obituary in the newspaper. Another friend called to find out what happened. He had killed himself by carbon monoxide poisoning in his car. I mourned for longer than I actually knew him and I still don’t really understand why.

Well I don’t know if you can call my dog a loved one, and I was there when she died so I didn’t find out technically, but it was still very horrible. My dog Sophie, had cancer and it was getting pretty bad. My mum and I decided to put her down because she was old and suffering, and wasn’t going to live much longer. The vet gave her too much euthanasia solution. She started stumbling and collapsed, then had a seizure. It was so frightening and sad. I thought we were giving her a way to pass away as comfortably as possible. I was crying and hyperventilating, holding her and soothing her. Her heart stopped beating and I had lost my best friend since I was a baby. I was only about 13 years old at the time. I went into the lobby and continued crying while the receptionists gave me dirty looks and whispered. I couldn’t believe how little compassion and understanding the vet and receptionists gave me. It was a traumatic day and I later found out Sophie was given enough solution to euthanize a horse! I hate that vets office and have heard other stories of them messing up on other animals.

After reading everyone’s posts I feel really stupid. I shouldn’t have even posted what I did. I just wrote about my dog and everyone else is open enough to share their horrific stories that make mine look so trivial, because it is in comparison with these sad posts. I am sorry.

@desiree333

You loved Sophie, so she was definitely a loved one.

I was touched by your story, so please don’t feel at all stupid or that the pain you felt by her mistreatment and her passing is trivial.

@desiree333 I was just about to say exactly what @Brian1946 did. Don’t feel stupid. Our pets are part of our family and we love them.

@Brian1946 @Bellatrix Thank you. I just think my story would have been more appropriate on a different thread after thinking about it.

@bkcunningham Thank you for having the strength to share your story. I can’t even imagine what you went through. I’m so sorry for your pain and shock. If you ever need to talk about it, see my profile for details.

Driving on he interstate at 70 mph.

Please, don’t feel badly for sharing a story. All of our experiences may be different, but they are all the same too. We are human. We love. We laugh. We cry. We grieve death and we celebrate a new life. It is difficult sometimes but very healing to me to talk about my children and husband. I think it is very beneficial for everyone to share in happiness and grief. Thank you so much @Dr_Lawrence and everyone else for you kind words and messages. It really touches my heart at your kindness to a stranger. I hope we can all practice this in our real lives. (Me included.) Sometimes a smile or a kind word goes alot further than you may ever, ever know. Enjoy life. If you love like I’ve loved, and laugh like I’ve laughed; you could live to be 105 and still stay life was too short.

@bkcunningham…....I just felt this arrow through my heart when I read your story. I don’t even know what to say…I send you love and prayers.

And to all who have found out about someone’s passing in ways that were not at all expected and painful….love and healing to you as well.

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I actually found out that an old boyfriend of mine died two weekends ago. I opened up a news website and there was his obit on the front page. It was sad. I saw him last over a decade ago.

When I was ten my mother came driving up to the old school house one day and said “get in, your uncle Fred has been killed.” We drove about 100 miles to their home and we found out that my aunt (my mom’s sister) had initially learned of this vehicle accident on the radio, not by visitation from police. Well it turns out that my cousin, then 17, had been driving the car. It was early morning, before the time of mandatory seatbelts and she was a temporary worker at her dad’s factory workplace. She was driving too fast, hit some gravel on the side of the road and spun out of control, flinging her dad from the car, which took his life instantly. We find out later that the dad was not really in the best space that day since he and his wife (my mom’s sister) had been arguing the night before about what to do with their deceased invalid’s belongings. (This child was in an invalid state for seven years before passing). This tragedy colored my cousin’s life in a dark way for years and my mom using the term “was killed” instead of “died” as my cousin referred to his death shows how hard it was to accept this life altering tragedy. She had received the help she needed through the years and is a strong, capable person today.