Should I abandon loyalty for a possibly more secure ideal future?

Let me clarify the job differences;
The City job means I work for the City of Blah and the benefits are way better and free, I’d be getting more than 1 week of vacation, my work hours would be cut from 60 to 36! The pay would be cut but we’d be ok. Overall on paper it’s a no brainer, but my emotional ties are weighing me down.

That is a tough one, @CFi. Just today someone called and asked me personal advise about leaving their job. My advise was the same I’ll give you. Never pass up an opportunity to better yourself. BUT, please, please, don’t burn bridges either. Give a sufficient notice and let them know how much you appreciate the opportunities they gave you in life by working for them.

When one spends eight or more hours a day at a job, then it is ideal that it is a happy environment. How often does this happen? Rarely, if ever. That is why it is called work.

Here is what it comes down to. You can leave the current job for what looks like better benefits on paper, but you don’t know what the work environment will be like should you take the job. It could end up being tremendously worse than what you are experiencing now.

My advice is to talk to the boss about this potential opportunity. If he is as caring about you as you say, he will support you in checking it out. If you let it go, it will always be a situation that you regret in your mind.

Business is business, and family / friends are a separate issue.

Your career is your own business. If you can improve your career – rationally, calmly, and not “because I can’t stand to work with that jerk any more” – then there’s no reason not to do that. But don’t let him goad you into feeling “disloyal” or as if you’re “abandoning your friend”.

If I were you I think I would tell the boss that unless he makes substantive changes in the operation, that your days there are numbered. Tell him that you’re going to take the interview. (He’s not going to fire you because you’re seriously looking at improving your career.) Let the interview process take its course, and if it’s ultimately unsuccessful then keep looking. Don’t think you have some kind of Hobson’s choice here; if the situation at work is as intolerable as you describe – and if your “loyal” boss is just listening and not taking your side (assuming he views your value and competence as highly as you do) – then you owe it to yourself to make changes unilaterally, by leaving.

Good luck to you.

You might get lucky in the conversation with your boss, especially when he sees that you’re serious about making the changes that you have to make for yourself, and take some long overdue managerial action of his own.

When you leave, which seems nearly inevitable, though, you should give your boss the most notice that you possibly can, leave on excellent terms with him, and do whatever you can to maintain a friendly / professional relationship with him ever after. He doesn’t really sound like a good “boss”, but you should maintain your network when and where you can.

Confirming @CWOTUS comment “Business is business”

When I read the first part of your question, I thought you had an issue. When I finished I didnt think you did. Regardless of how warm and fuzzy your boss can be to you (Hey, every smart boss is gonna be warm and fuzzy, even me) it makes no difference when he is a fool for not firing people he ought to fire, especially when the proposed firee is making his other key person’s life Hell.

Go take the exam and do your best to clean up any mess when you get back. Don’t tell the boss. He created the situation and you are taking care of yourself, since he is not. When you get an offer, sit down with your boss and tell it like you told us. Tell him he can have you or he can have idiot-child (just between you and me), but he can’t have you both. No problem if he wants to keep his buddy cause you have another offer.

Let him choose. It’s his problem, not yours. You’ve got a good option. And abide by @CWOTUS final paragraph.

Women, it seems, are more likely to take loyalty and personal relationships into account when making employment decisions. It is typical that they don’t want to leave a former boss out to dry. A man knows that, in general, bosses will fire you on a whim. They have no loyalty to you when it comes down to making the business a success. Men, more often, don’t feel like they owe bosses anything. They’ve been paid for their work already. They don’t pay enough to buy my loyalty, too.

Look, you may feel loyalty, but clearly you can’t talk to the boss to deal with significant problems. Clearly he won’t support you. Why do you feel any loyalty to him? I don’t understand. His business is his problem. Your career is your problem. Your problem is not his business. Do what you need to make your life saner.

Honestly, if he really does consider you family, he’ll be happy for you if you find yourself a better situation. I’ve had fantastic bosses in my life (as well as some really rotten ones), and all of the good ones were supportive of me moving on when the time was right. Sad to see me go, but never angry or betrayed.

I wouldn’t say anything to your boss about this other job unless/until it’s offered to you. Should you get it, and decide to accept it, give plenty of notice and offer to help tie up any loose ends.

I only suggested telling the boss ahead of time in this particular instance because of the bond you feel between the two of you and because you feel that you’re a key person who won’t be terminated “just for looking” (as some might be) – and to give the boss a heads up that he needs to take action, finally, or you will be gone.

This was a special case. In most cases I’d agree: don’t telegraph anything in advance; just schedule some personal time off, take the interview/s, and then ‘give notice’ when the offer is made and accepted.

For most cases of this type I’d agree with @wundayatta and others above: it’s just a job, and it’s apparently time for you to move on to a new one.

@bkcunningham : “Never pass up an opportunity to better yourself” That really resonated with me, because though I have thought of myself, I am really putting him first though which I know I shouldn’t. Thank you for that sentence.
@Pied_Pfeffer : I do think I will talk to him, but probably not until I have my second interview of this 3 step process. I’m quite weary of what I’ll find in comparison to what I am leaving and I truly hope it’s not worse :/

@CFi

If you’re leaving a boss and position that seems “like family”, then there will undoubtedly be some adjustments that you have to make in going to a new place, and you’ll lose some of the closeness and intimacy that you have relied upon and (one presumes) enjoyed, mostly.

On the other hand, unless the place is run by idiots, you should not have to deal (much) with the type of condescension, ridicule and belittling behavior that your current colleague gives you. When that happens – because even though it should be less frequent, it still occurs – you’ll have a boss and an HR department who are (or should be) committed to leveling the playing field for all employees and doesn’t want to risk harassment suits by allowing it to go on unchecked.

@CWOTUS I agree that business is business but we’ve blurred that line between friends and associates by being social outside of work. I know very personal details of his life and I’m close with his family. But, at the same time I feel the reason besides being immeadiately family that he keeps the idiot around as a bandaged for now is that his position is difficult to find a suitable person to work, so he keeps him as a bandage.
I think I would have liked to tell him in advance except that I’d rather not be hasty and just wait until I know for sure that I’ve made it to the “final round”
Good point about the HR thing, currently I seem to be that department :/
PS I do tend to pour more of myself into things that sometimes don’t deserve, but that’s something I can’t help, shame on me I know.
————
@wundayatta – His business, for a long time was my career, and if some items are tweaked it still can be. But that tweaking is not likely to happen soon. So I’ll have to tweak my future for now.

@augustlan – and that is exactly what I have chosen to do. I asked earlier to step out for a couple of hours for a personal item and he ok’d it. I think until I know something for sure, I won’t discuss it with him yet.
——————-
From what I’ve learned from him and how I’ve gotten to know him, I have a plan on approaching him from the friend side rather than business side. He has always been an opinion I turned to when ever it was a big decision to make and I have always felt he’s given me his most honest opinion with my best interest in mind. Plus, when I do approach him, my plan is to not completely cut ties and offer to work for him on the weekends which would be helpful to lighten his load and also help me keep a foot in the door. Since I’d only be working 4 days at the new job, and coming away from working a 7day/6day schedule would be one heck of an adjustment, but I could also use the extra money to help from the step down in salary, from working those days with him as well.
So, for now I will wait for my test date in 2 weeks and will come back here to announce my results. If in case this doesn’t pan out, I don’t think I’d be leaving to work anywhere else. The only reason I am going for this job is because of what it offers in comparison to other jobs in my industry, this job on paper is considered “mecca” None of my competitors right now could offer me a schedule I want and the salary I earn, so there would be no point in looking else where. I’m only leaping because this is something I can’t pass by.
However I do see another option: I’d ask to step down and reduce my hours. I’ve worked so hard and paid off most of my debt and school loans, that taking a small cut in salary and less hours would not affect me too much. I now want more time to enjoy life and to start a family so I can’t work these crazy long hours anymore. Thank you everyone who helped me ease my mind clear my head.

Sounds like a good plan. Best of luck to you, and please keep us posted. :)