How young is too young to relax or perm a child’s hair?

That was an awesome movie.

As someone who started bleaching and coloring my hair funky colours at 12 years old, I feel like it would be a bit hypocritical for me to say any younger than 12. I also let my kids, who are younger than that, do what they want with their own hair in the summer. Perms might run in a different vein, though. Bleach is pretty hardcore, but perm chemicals are harsher and there is potential for serious injury there. I had to drop out of beauty school as a teenager (yeah, yeah… make all of the Grease jokes you want) because of a severe allergic reaction to perm chemicals… that stuff is no joke.
I think that it goes far beyond “ignorance” or “laziness,” I think there are a lot of cultural issues, which I seem to remember being discussed in the documentary. Personally, I think that ignorance comes into play more often when you have a non-black parent that is in charge of styling the child’s hair, specifically if that child is a girl. As for the cultural issues, I think a lot of it is media driven, much like any other beauty trend. One of the things that I learned in beauty school, while I was still attending, was that the big money is in ethnic hair care. It’s a profitable market, and anyone in the business is going to do everything they can to influence the public that this is what makes a person beautiful. Whether or not that is true.

I had to drop out of beauty school as a teenager

@FutureMemory She gave you the green light and you just hadda bite, didn’t you? LOL

I think that if they are old enough to ask for it themselves, and their parents agree that it is the correct course of action, then they are probably old enough. I don’t believe a parent should ever force a child into that, though.

When I was a child, eleven or twelve I wanted to dye my hair blonde, so I can’t judge. My mom wouldn’t let me, which is life.

I can only comment on what I’d do as a parent because I really don’t know anything about perms or relaxers. My daughter is 12 and at the age where I would at least consider her wishes if she wanted to have something drastic done to her hair. In fact, a few months ago she asked to have her hair dyed black. That was a bit much for me, but I did consent to letting her dye the tips of her hair. I’d approach future requests in the same way, weighing her wants and reasons against possible risks or problems. Dyeing the tips was OK because we could just cut her hair a bit if she didn’t like it or if it damaged her hair.

I could see how peer pressure or societal norms could be a big incentive for a young girl or parent to consider chemically altering hair. I don’t think I would allow it for a child younger than 12 or 13, but then again, I don’t really know anything about it.

Nobody can say for a fact that X age is inappropriate. While some will never do it for the kids others have it done all the time because it’s a way of living.

I grew up with terrible haircuts and bad hairstyles partially because i’m of mixed race and my mom did not know what to do with my unruly hair. Even with that im thankful she never took any drastic measures such as relaxer with my hair. I tried it once of my own will when i was 16 and I will never do it again- so not worth the pain and the regrowth process to go back to natural hair.

I survived despite having a majority of bad hair days and now as an adult I love my natural hair and do everything in my power to keep it healthy- including staying away from those nasty chemicals. Parents need to teach kids to love themselves for who they are and how to take care of their mental and physical health- not how to conform to societies aesthetic ideals.

I don’t know. Being socially accepted is pretty important for girls that age. If they are getting teased about their hair all the time, it must put a lot of pressure on the parents to do something. Getting hair straightened is a lot cheaper than home schooling or trying to find a school that teaches kids to respect these things.

Yeah, it’s nice that people should be loved no matter how they look, but if how they look makes them feel low self esteem, is it worth it? I don’t think so.

And convenience? I have two kids. I don’t have a problem with making things a little easier for parents trying to get out of the house to get to work on time. If you want to handle things the natural way, unfortunately in our culture, you have to be able to afford it. Hire a nanny. Go to the organic food store. It costs money to be thin and good looking. Poor people are just struggling to make it through the day. Things that make that easier without compromising too many values are a godsend.

@abysmalbeauty Parents need to teach kids to love themselves for who they are and how to take care of their mental and physical health- not how to conform to societies aesthetic ideals. That is somewhat a valid point. If you do not tell these girls that because you do not have the ”white girl flip”, or that is more work to manage you don’t have ”good hair” and won’t have it until you use the chemicals to make it so. Maybe the better way is to find natural ways to make unprocessed hair manageable. What did they use centuries ago before they had chemicals? Maybe more creativity and improvisation is needed.

We have minimum ages a minor can get a tattoo and it is not nearly as evasive as some of these chemicals used to process hair, you’d think someone would have a minimum age for placing that on a child’s head. Some of the stuff is almost equal to battery acid in its ability to damage. Being able to flip your hair might not be worth that much risk.

@wundayatta If you want to handle things the natural way, unfortunately in our culture, you have to be able to afford it. The natural way, or more natural way would be cheaper in most cases. Blake females do not make up the majority of the population but make up 80% of the customers buying hair care products. Some will pass on gas, food, or short a bill because they have to redo or touch up that perm, the stuff is not always cheap, especially the stuff that won’t make your hair worse. They say, you get what you pay for. Buy cheap relaxer you might not have hair when you get done, or find 30% of it on your pillow when you wake in the morning.

@Hypocrisy_Central That’s not where the cost is. The cost is in doing the stuff you have to do to keep your daughter safe. Like sending her to private school, or something. Doing hair the natural way can be extremely costly if you look at the social costs. Which I believe you should.

@Hypocrisy_Central Blake females

PROOF READING IS YOUR FRIEND.

@wundayatta The cost is in doing the stuff you have to do to keep your daughter safe. Like sending her to private school, or something. Doing hair the natural way can be extremely costly if you look at the social costs. ”Social cost”, what does that mean actually? That if I had a gay daughter, who liked to dress boyish I buy her frilly dresses with lace and tell her she will wear it, as to not have other kids pick on her? If I am in an area where they are one of the few minority kids in school, I tell them I have to pull them out and place them in private school for their safety? That if I didn’t they would get bullied, picked on, or worse? The social cost of a Black child wearing their hair natural would be what exactly? If they can’t go to school with the hair wearing hair as they were born with, without the help of chemicals, what does that say?

@Hypocrisy_Central Did you watch the Tyra episode? Did you see the little girl in tears begging not to have to go back to school, or preferably to get her hair straightened?

The mother, had she wanted to keep the kid’s hair natural, could not, in good conscience, send her anywhere where her life would be miserable like that. Kids teased like that have committed suicide. Is the kid’s death a price she would be willing to pay for natural hair?

If not, then you have to pay to find an educational environment where the kid can have natural hair and not be teased and harassed and bullied.

If you can’t afford that, then you give in to the girl’s desire to get her hair straightened. It’s the much less expensive option.

Your analogy about the gay daughter completely misses the point. To be analogous, the daughter would be asking to wear dresses and you would be forcing her to dress boyish, because that is natural for her. Your attitude would be that she should be proud of her lesbianism, regardless of whether she had to suffer a lot of harassment in order to be “out.” If you didn’t want her to be harassed, but you wanted her to be who she was, you would have to send her to an expensive school where she would be treated like a human being.

If you couldn’t put her in an environment where she could be herself, because you couldn’t afford it, then it seems to me that the wise thing to do would be to accede to her request to dress in the standard way for her sex. It seems to me that parents have a duty to intercede on behalf of the children. Your way of dealing with it seems to me to be child abuse. Let her wear the girl clothes for god’s sake!

The social cost of a Black child wearing their hair natural would be what exactly? If they can’t go to school with the hair wearing hair as they were born with, without the help of chemicals, what does that say?

That says that our society has a long way to go, still. That says that racism is alive and well. That says it’s not right to turn our children into whipping horses for the sake of our political or cultural agendas. Your daughter is doing the best she can. Help her out. Don’t make her suffering worse.