What stupid thing has someone said to you because they made an assumption you think like them, because you appear to be similar to them?

Good morning.

The worst for me was when the minute someone found out I worked FOR and with my old boss they would go into this gushing glowing rave over him and how fortunate I was to be able to surf in the wake of his success. It took everything I could muster to bite my lip had they know how very little he had to do with the success of our company.

Sooooo many people asking me if I have a boyfriend, if a boy had asked me to the prom yet (years ago, obviously), etc. Which always leads to “no”, because either I’m with a woman (or a girl, back in the day), or I don’t really feel like sharing my romantic life with someone who’s going to assume I’m straight.

One woman I worked with used to go on rants every Christmas about how horrible it was that department stores now said “Happy Holidays”, which I always liked more than Merry Christmas because I’m both an atheist and like being wished a Happy New Years along with my winter (non)religious holiday of choice. She also did the rant about taking Christ out of Christmas via the X-mas, which lead me to do a whole XP monogram history lesson. She really exemplified why companies don’t let you talk politics or religion in the office; it’s not so there aren’t fights, it’s so your coworkers don’t realize what an utter moron you are.

I was in a meeting with a group of other people when one of the people there started bagging the students that study at a particular campus. She was basically putting them down because it is a fairly low income area. When she started talking about single parents I got up and left. I was disgusted. To me, wherever our students come from and whatever their background, they deserve our respect. I think those women who have children at home and no partner to help them and often have to bring them with their children to class so they can get through their course, should be applauded for having the determination to try to improve their lives.

Some people are just… ridiculous.

I never assume that people are running off at the mouth because they assume something about me (although I could be wrong about this). My assumption is that they just love to run off at the mouth to any warm body in sight. I’m pretty sure I never give them a signal that I want to hear, but some people do it anyway. Your experiences don’t surprise me. I think they would be saying the same thing to anyone who gave them the slightest opportunity…as in “Hello…”

@plethora You think the first two stories I gave would happen if I were a black woman?

@JLeslie Oh no….I don’t. I do not disagree with you. I just think that some people will run off at the mouth blaring their own prejudices to any warm body nearby. Since you are in the South as was she, you may have been the nearest unfortunate for her to unload on….in both cases.

I would also note that where you live, you do not even have the more cosmopolitan attributes of the middle of the state. It’s actually more like deep MS. I don’t envy you.

My first girlfriend was someone who was a dear friend of mine. I’d met her working in the same guild at Faire and for most of our knowing each other, it was totally platonic. Her mother completely ‘adopted’ me, invited me into their home, let me stay over at their house because they lived in the same area as Faire (so that I could shower and sleep in a bed), and after a few years, lovingly referred to me as her fourth daughter.

She also happens to be a fundamentalist Christian. So, I ended up dating her daughter for a while and, of course, we did NOT tell her. I was all excited because I was going to dress as a boy for a weekend and was going to borrow her husband’s costume. She was helping me pick out a boy name, by going through a historical book with a list of the first colonists to the New World.

We got into a discussion about the first colony, which, apparently was all men. She said, ‘I don’t know how they thought they were going to have a colony with all men. It’s not like the colony is going to propagate that way’—and I had to agree.

But then she says, ‘Well, I think they should just ship all the gays off to an island somewhere, don’t you?’

I was stunned and speechless. I did manage to reply, ‘Well… no…’

(This was not her being passive-aggressive. I spoke with my ex about this and I feel pretty confident her mom was totally clueless about my orientation at the time)

My brother-in-law excused plagiarism in college because he was so busy with football and two majors. No one else had that weight on their shoulders (it was a small school) except for a few girls, but female sports aren’t demanding anyway.

There is so much wrong with that I didn’t know where to begin.

He’s also quite vocal about “the Mexicans” who work for him. Don’t get me wrong – he doesn’t call them that because they are Mexican (they are) but because he is following the stereotype that they are cheap, reliable labor who are used to the heat, need the money.

The rest of the family is too much to take on right now. The biggest thing there is that they assume I am 100% on board the Christian bandwagon and believe the same idiotic things – women are inferior, for example.

I realized as I read these just how much it is still ok for these people to say these things in their circles. They have absolutely no idea it could offend someone. They know other people who think differently exist in the world, but they must think they would know right away if they were talking to one of those people. They would look different, or sound different, or something.

@plethora The woman I was talking to in Hot Springs was from East TN, up in the mountains, and she had lived in Illinois for many years, then moved to Arkansas. I don’t think any part of TN can really lay claim to being very cosmopolitan, although Nashville is a little better maybe. More wealth there, Vanderbilt helps a lot, and a little more positive influence from other states. Federal Express helps us.

I’ve been hit with comments about “the blacks”, when I was dating a black guy, and comments about “the Jews”, when I was married to a Jewish man.

The worst examples of this behavior had nothing to do with who I was dating or married to, but are still incredible. A customer of a landscaper I used to work for told me (on the phone) to be sure not to send any “niggers” out to his house. He then proceeded to give this amazing disclaimer, “Don’t get me wrong… I’m not prejudiced. But the only way to fight back their take over is through economic means”. WTF? For all he knew, I was black myself! The other was more recent… shortly before the last presidential election, a guy who came out to my house to give me an estimate on replacement windows started in on Obama. How he was actually an African Muslim, evil incarnate, and would prove to be the anti-Christ. He’d known me all of five minutes.

It never failed to amaze me that people were willing to spout off and prove their ignorance to a relative stranger like me. They clearly had no clue how I felt about such matters, and yet they never even worried about how they’d look in my eyes.

With an accent like mine, I get all kinds of assumptions made about me from people who figure I’m one of them. I’ve pretty much heard it all.

The fact that I play banjo, drink moonshine, and shoot guns doesn’t help either.