What is appropriate bridal shower gift etiquette?

You really shouldn’t go to the shower and show up empty handed, @nikipedia. Take it as an opportunity to get to know the woman who is marrying your boyfriend’s best friend. When I’ve gone to bridal showers which didn’t provide a location where the bride was registered or without any suggestion of gifts (ie. kitchen gifts, bathroom gifts, household gifts…), I’ve usually bought a very nice frame for a wedding photo. Often, I’ve put the marriage announcement in the place for the photo. Some frames have two openings. One for the announcement and one for the photo. Sort of a generic gift, but nice anyway.

I don’t understand what you mean by not being included in on the registry? Absolutely ask where the bride is registered, I would buy a gift from the list. It is not rude to ask someone where she is registered. Do not show up empty handed. At the shower they will likely actually open every gift while everyone sits around and ooohs and aaahs. If indeed there is no registry I recommend a small appliance (handheld beater, juicer, blender) nice set of towels, spice rack, or a nice baking/serving dish. Showers are typically more oriented towards the practical rather than the pie in the sky wants of expensive silverwear and china settings.

Normally the bridal shower is for the bride to be. Gifts are usually of a personal nature (teddies, nightgowns, cutesy stuff that women like, etc.). If you don’t know the bride well, maybe go with something like a gift set of bath and shower items that smell nice and in beautiful containers.

I have not seen teddies or other intimates given in a long time. Since you barely know her or the relatives do not go that route if you ask me.

You need to give a gift. For a bridal shower, lingerie is very nice.

At the many bridal showers I’ve attended in my short life, a close girlfriend or sister of the bride has always given her a “honeymoon” gift. Lingerie or something you would find at Victoria’s Secret. A small appliance or a nice set of towels is always appreciated. I think you have some good suggestions here @nikipedia. Have fun!

Ok. Thank you all for the good advice. I have been guided to the couple’s registries. Now, how do I ascertain which things are specifically bride oriented? Am I to use traditional gender roles and assume that she registered for kitchen things like cups and salad bowls?

(Unrelated, how does anyone make it to 31 years old and have an insufficient number of cups? And why do they want three sets of flatware?)

@nikipedia Hahahaha. Are they Jewish?

Tradition for registries is to set up the home so gender should not apply much. Every so often there is power tools or golf equipment, etc, ignore that. Go for kitchen or bath, not flatware or place settings.

@JLeslie, not that I know of!

They registered for a few board games, which seem like fun presents, but could just as easily be groom instead of bride. If I wrap it in a bunch of pink and bows will it be ok?

@nikipedia I only ask because four sets of china is not unusual for a well off observant Jewish person. Dishes for dairy, another for meat, another for passover, so at minimum three, and maybe an added good China for other special occasions.

Board games sounds fun! I like the idea. You don’t have to wrap it in all pink lol, but you can if you want. I always look at bridal showers as just a fun get together for the bride with her girlfriends and female relatives. They get to meet each other before the wedding, and make the bride feel special.

@nikipedia When I do not know someone well, I either adhere strictly to their registry, or do my old standby.

Old Standby: I buy nice photo frames on sale. Instead of wrapping it, I put either a)money in a card and nicely write “Congratulations” on the outside of the envelope and insert it where the photo will go or b)I put a gift card where the photo will go and attach the card to the back of the frame. I set the frame on the gift table & voila…my gift part is complete.

I agree with @bkcunningham. I use this as an invite to get to know the person better. Find out their likes and go with it.

A nice cookbook is always a good choice for a bridal shower. If you can find out from your boyfriend what his best friend and his fiancee like to eat, then you could get a very specific kind of cookbook, but otherwise, just go to a real bookstore and have a look. Get something that has really lovely photos and yummy sounding recipes. Then wrap it up and put a pot holder or oven mitt with a wooden spoon tied onto the bow. Or you can tie a set of measuring spoons onto the bow. Everybody’s gotta eat : )

@nikipedia Yes, a board game that they registered for would be a fine gift.

Do you know who the maid of honor is? She’s the one (traditionally) who throws the shower and gives ideas for gifts and party themes.

If there’s no one to contact then be safe by giving a gift card to somewhere like Bath & Bodyworks or Victoria’s Secret. The bridal shower is traditionally to gift the bride items she’ll call her trousseau or clothing, lingerie, jewelry and accessories she’ll take on honeymoon.

@Neizvestnaya, actually I don’t know! The shower is being thrown by the groom’s sister. I’ll try to get more information from boyfriend tonight.

The trousseau thing I think is not done as much since everyone is assumed to be sexually active already. At least in my circles, and I am assuming in @nikipedia also.

@JLeslie: What does a gifting a trousseau of items have to do with being sexually active already?

That’s what I was wondering too, @Neizvestnaya. I’ve known many brides, including my oldest stepdaughter, who was given a household bridal shower by a friend, and a second lingerie bridal shower thrown by another friend.

@bkcunningham: I always thought the Engagement Party was for the family to gift the couple, the Bridal Shower for gifting the bride specifically and wedding day gifts an option that guests of the reception and who could afford to would bring.

@Neizvestnaya Trousseau in the sense of all the needs of the bride, including honeymoon clothing, lingerie, and even can include the bridal gown and a chest to keep everything in back in the day is not what I am referring to, but just focusing on lingerie, I just think if brides are older and already having sex, well I just personally find it odd for people like my mom to gift me a négligée to get my new husband going. In the middle east they have belly dancers at weddings to sex up the new couple so they will go at it and make babies. We throw rice at the couple in hopes of fertility. I don’t know, in this more open age of sex, I almost find it odd to focus at all on the sex. Maybe it is just me.

I have observed on some tv shows, so I have no idea if this is really the case, that some religious people seem to obsess about sex in marriage, and so maybe in certain circles it is very normal to focus on the wedding night and sex during the honeymoon. I’d rather buy my own lingerie. I would think @nikipedia would feel odd giving someone she barely knows lingerie, but I can’t answer for her.

@JLeslie I think you need to look at your own attitude toward this instead of projecting it all over the place.

You remind me of a conversation that I had with a “friend” (my maid of honor, in fact). I mentioned a few days before the wedding that I wanted to go shopping for a special nightgown for our wedding night. At which point my “friend” said, “Why, you’re living together? It’s not like he hasn’t seen it before?”

To which I replied, “If you can’t see why our wedding night would be special to me, I feel sorry for you.”

@marinelife Amen!~

@marinelife I said I wanted to buy my own lingerie, which is what you did. How do I differ than you in that sense? Going shopping with a girlfriend to pick something out sounds good to me. When I got married we had been living together for several months already, and I wanted that night to be special to. In fact, the night before the wedding I spent with my sister and friends as kind of a last night before the special wedding day and night away from him.

I did the whole veil over my face, didn’t let him see me before the wedding (even though in my religion the groom is supposed to get a peak at the bride before they say I do. Don’t make me into your friend.

All I said was at a party for my upcoming wedding I prefer not to get lingerie, and I would not want a typical long nightgown, most women don’t, and I don’t want a gift of a garter belt either, I just prefer to pick my own lingerie. If you really want to give me that gift, go ahead, I am not going to throw it in your face or be angry or anything.

I didn’t mean to get so defensive about the whole thing. My only point was I do not recommend @nikipedia giving an intimate gift like lingerie since she barely knows the person. I was responding mostly to this particular situation and what I have observed of late.