Jellies with social anxiety or agoraphobia: do you find that friends/family pressure you into social obligations, then get angry if you back out?

I’m a little curious why they push you into situations that make you undomfortable? I like most people the most when they’re in their comfort zone.

@Adirondackwannabe well I think, in my experience, that part of it is wanting you to be involved in things with them… like most friends and family tend to, and also I think sometimes people feel like it is motivational. Private CBT? I don’t know. Apparently I’m the only one surrounded by motivators. haha.

I can see the wanting to be involved in things they like to do. I was just wondering if they we’re trying to push your buttons.

Family, not so much. But I had this friend who would constantly text me about doing something or going somewhere with her and when I finally succumbed she said we weren’t doing anything anymore.

Yes, that happens with my family AND friends sometimes. But it also happens a LOT with my daughters’ school. Not that I’ve been “pressured” into something, but there are class or school functions that you just can’t back out of without hurting your kids’ feelings, and I hate going. I feel awkward and uncomfortable the whole time I’m there, and it feels like I can’t breathe until I get back out to the parking lot afterward.

I don’t necessarily feel pressured to say yes. I just start to imagine the experience beforehand and what could go wrong. then I start to feel like I don’t want to go, and I begin to feel trapped into going. Then, usually at the last minute, I back out.

I’ve had friends nag and nag me into going to something that I obviously really don’t want to go to (usually in those cases I won’t say a definite yes because I don’t want them to depend on me in case I do drop out at the last minute) but then (even with an indefinite answer) get peeved at me for backing out when I didn’t want to go in the first place.
I wouldn’t really blame it on my friends though, because most of them are very outgoing, and I don’t think they understand the anxieties I have.

I have difficulty these days in groups of people, even when I am able to function well with any of them alone. In groups I become terrified of be outcast or judged. I have explained this to my family and the friends who invite me to such functions, and are very understanding.

they probably don’t want me there anyway

You could have a family like mine which would never get together with anyone else if it weren’t for Thanksgiving and Christmas. Oh. And the parents pay for the summer vacation.

It’s not necessarily a good thing to on your own all the time.

My friends & family apparently thoroughly enjoyed themselves at my fortieth birthday party…. As for me, I’m not one for surprises :-/
Good job my sister is terrible at keeping a secret..
Roll on fifty, I think I’m away that year…. Lol.

Not really. I pressure some of my family into doing these sort of things sometimes but I never get angry when they back out in the last minute.

I’ve established all of my boundaries with those I am close to. They know when not to cross a line.

I don’t have agoraphobia or social anxiety and it makes me nuts when people do that to me, I can’t imagine how awful it must be for those who do. I hate being made the bad guy because someone else won’t take “no” for an answer.

Yes, my family does. If I give an indefinite answer because I don’t feel comfortable committing to a get-together, they will get angry with me later, claiming that I did give them a definite “yes” for an answer. I’ve tried to explain my introverted nature to them, but they are not very understanding. They seem to think that if they keep pressuring me, I’ll change, but that’s just more likely to make me withdraw. Fortunately, my friends are more understanding. I just explain to them that I’m not up to going on this partricular outing, they respect my decision, and we reach a mutual agreement to get together at a later date.

I can honestly say my family does not pressure me into situations. I am having a problem with other obligations that take me out of my comfort zone. Work has been a tough one these last couple days. I just got back on my meds so I hope this will ease things.