I’ve lost a kid here and there over the years. It’s the most awful feeling, even if it only lasts a few minutes.
Once, we were at a local agricultural fair and I lost my son. He had just turned five, and was standing right next to me when I stopped to talk to a friend and her daughter, who’d been in my son’s preschool class. My son kind of hid behind me when he saw this little girl because she was always trying to hug and kiss him. We chatted for 30 seconds, said goodbye, I turned around, and…no little boy hiding behind me. We were in the middle of the area with all of the rides, and it was very crowded. My daughter and I looked all around frantically and started asking people if they’d seen him. It was probably only a few minutes of not being able to find him, but it felt like forever. Finally I spotted him on the edge of the area where we’d been standing. There was a man standing a few feet away talking to my son, and I heard him saying, “Do you remember what your mom was wearing? What does she look like?” You could tell the guy wanted to help but also didn’t want to freak my son out. When my son saw me running up to him, the look of relief on his face was incredible. He started crying, and when I asked him why he walked away he said, “I had to hide from Lexi because she wants to marry me!”
Another time, we were at our local farmer’s market, which is not a big affair. Just booths arranged in a big square around the town green. I asked my daughter to go get some eggs while we stood in another line. The guy we bought eggs from was only a couple of booths away, but we made it to the front of the line and finished before my daughter got back. I didn’t see her anywhere, and the egg dude said he hadn’t seen her. She was 9 or 10 and knew perfectly well not to leave with someone. Logically, I knew she couldn’t be snatched without dozens of witnesses and a big fuss being made. Still, I had my phone out as I quickly walked across the green looking for her. Then I saw her, casually walking toward me with an egg carton in her hand. She’d gone to a different booth on the other side of the market where she’d seen eggs for sale on our way in. I learned that day to be more specific when sending her off to do something!
Most recently, my 12 year old went for a bike ride to a nearby park and decided to go for a walk in the woods. She’d never gone hiking on her own and didn’t realize how easy it is to get turned around when you’re on unmarked trails. She was lost for a while and very scared and upset. Finally she came out of the woods and recognized where she was and could find her way home from there. Meanwhile, I was at the park looking for her and imagining all kinds of horrible things.
Each time I “lost” a kid, I always tried to remind myself that things would be fine. We all think from watching TV that strangers are the biggest threat to our children. They aren’t, and while it’s important to teach kids how to manage if they are lost, as parents I think we also have to let our kids have a bit more freedom than most people give them today. Easier said than done. Also, I avoid telling my kids, “Don’t talk to strangers!” and instead say, “Don’t go off with strangers!” If they are lost, I tell them to ask for help but don’t leave with anyone. Stay right there and let someone offer you a cell phone or call the police. When we go on day trips to crowded places, I now give each of the kids one of my husband’s business cards with both our cell numbers on the back. I also tell them that if someone tries to force them to go with them, to fight like hell. Scream, kick, scratch, bite, anything to attract attention and get away.
Wow, I just wrote a book. I hope I’m not the only person to lose their kid three times. I found them again, and that’s what matters. Right?! :P
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