What are some of your thoughts on calling hours and funerals?

If by calling hours you mean viewing the body or some call it the family hour, then go and pay your respects regardless of your mood. I’m sure the family is in more of a funk than you are.

What are you asking, @Adirondackwannabe? Are you asking how we feel about going to the funeral home when someone we knows dies?

@bkcunningham No, I was more curious how people see the rituals? Does it help the family? Does it provide closure?

Don’t go if you don’t feel up to it, for whatever reason. It’s still acceptable to send flowers or make a donation in the honor of the deceased.

@ANef_is_Enuf I think I owe it to the husband. This is going to be tough on him. She took care of all the business in the family and he’s going to need some help.

@Adirondackwannabe well, it’s a personal decision. If you feel like you need to be there, then go.

It is always a very somber feeling for me to enter the funeral home for visitation with the deceased’s family and friends prior to a funeral service. I always go if I am able to go. I feel nervous and time sort of slows down. After I get inside and the first person acknowledges my presence; the nervousness subsides somewhat.

I think that is the whole point though. To acknowledge each other and to acknowledge the deceased. It helps to just show up sometimes when people we know are having a difficult time. When you experience a loss, it really helps (maybe not immediately at the funeral home; maybe even weeks or months or years later) to look back at the people who showed up for your family. It helps you through the grieving process when you realize the people your life and your love one’s life impacted.

To me, just showing up at a funeral home is a way of saying, “Hey, this person and their family matters to me and had an impact on my life.” It is nice to know that there are people who thought enough of you or your loved one to show up one last time and say goodbye and be there to support you in a time of great sadness.

The very ceremony is part of the grieving process for everyone and a way of showing respect.

I am sorry to hear about your situation. I hope you know I sincerely send my best wishes to you and the family of the this woman. Just know you aren’t the only one who is nervous. It is easier after you get through the doors and see the first person you know. You don’t have to go into the viewing room if there is one. Just relax and take a deep breath.The whole process is healing and the family will never forget that you cared enough to come.

@bkcunningham It sucks I’m only allowed to give one GA for that. Thanks ever so much. I don’t think anyone could frame an answer better than that.

The restaurant next door to the main funeral home downtown has seen a lot of my business in recent years, as it’s become almost a given to have an early dinner there before trotting next door to say all the right stuff to a bereaved family. It means a lot to the family when you show up. They probably won’t notice if you don’t, but even just a quick walk walk-through and expression of condolence will comfort the widower.
And I always hate having to do that.

Here is another vote encouraging you to go. Mom and Dad used to run their own business, and when Dad died rather suddenly, it was amazing how many business associates took the time to show up, as many did not live close by. As sad as Mom was at the time, their display of support meant the world to her.

Well I’m off to the calling hours.

It wasn’t too bad. Hubby seems to be holding up OK. Just close the damn casket.

It’s good to hear that you decided to go. It will mean a lot to her family.

As for the open casket bit, I agree with you, but it is based upon the reactions of a sister and a friend who had bad experiences with this. It’s one thing for a family’s private viewing, should they so desire. I personally don’t need to see a friend’s or acquaintance’s body to believe that they are dead or say my good-bye.