Do you think there is a typical amount of identities we take on?

I think those of use who have integrated identity politics into our lives consider many different aspects of our lives. Others usually have 3–5 that they can list and it usually goes like this ‘wife, mom, friend’ or something. It’s not often that people consider race or ableism or how old they are or anything.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir Can you define ableism as you used the word? I was unfamiliar with the term, and when I looked it up, I don’t think I am sure how you intended it to be understood.

Also, are you saying that people who tend to think wife, mom, friend are less pensive in general, they live in a smaller world so to speak.

I think you are talking about protective coloration rather than identity, which is inherent and immutable.

The only reason I’m aware of my identity right now is because it’s going through a big change. I’m no longer ___’s wife, and school starts back next week. Things are going to be very odd for me next week because not only am I changing, but people’s perception of me will change too. (we work at the same place)

I’m not sure if it’s so much identity or if it’s a ‘role.’ My role as ___’s wife and how he treated me did influence how I behaved and reacted. Now that the role is no longer there, I’m re-evaluating how I see things and how I react. So, what’s going on is that I’m rediscovering my identity, which was buried under a consuming role.

Last year, when my son graduated from high school, I went through a similar process—redefining myself as his mom. Sometimes identity feels shaken—I’ve been a mom since I was 20, it’s a part of my identity… but now how does my role change? I see identity and role as separate. Roles change a lot more frequently than identity does.

I think we have very few identities, but can take on a higher number of roles.

I think there is truth to what you ask. I wear many hats and each one requires me to fulfill a specific role or identity as you intoned. When I am a boss I function as the owner of a busniess with a focus on leading by example and if I brought too much of my out of work personality to my job…chaos would rule the day. I am a father, dad and husband and each demands I manage myself in specific ways. As A Scout Leader I have to play the role model and mentor to young men who look to me to help shape their own roles as young confident men. There is simply me who I get to be underneath all these day to day roles I must fulfill who gets to come out and play in between each role.

@gailcalled I don’t think I am, but maybe expand on your answer as to why you think so.

@linguaphile Great point, identity vs role. I guess roles can become part of our identity. I don’t think of my top three identities that I listed as being roles, American, Jewish, Female, more of a state of being. But, I can see how mom would easily become part of someones identity. Following my top three I would add wife, daughter, sister, but I don’t see them as part of my identity really.

Like @Cruiser puts it, I believe we wear many masks daily appropriate to our lives. I don’t reveal all of myself, so to speak, to everyone I interact with. I may take on the serious, conscientious persona when working on a project with X and I may reveal my more authentic self in another situation. It all depends on a myriad of factors including the connection with the person and the level of appropriateness in the situation.

@stardust But do believe the masks are identities? I think of our identity as something that is always with us, it is what we are.

@JLeslie Ableism, like sexism (men rule over women), implies and orders it so that our world is made for those who are physically and mentally able to move through the society without prejudice leading to disabled and mentally disabled people to be less than others, to have less spaces to be, etc.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir I see. And, I thought more about what you wrote. You said people do not often think of race, I wonder if that is true for minorties, more specifically black people in the US? I would never think to identify as white if someone asked me my identifiers, so I would fit with what you said, but I wonder when society continually separates someone out by race, if the person takes on the identity as very important?

@JLeslie I suppose I believe the masks are more of a persona we adopt in order to function well in society, i.e. mother, father, friend, employer, etc.
I’m not sure I agree that my identity is what I am as such. The things/qualities that make up my identity do not equate to who I am at my core.