Is it okay to keep in touch with an ex if you're in a relationship?

I see nothing wrong with being friends or on good terms with an ex. And if your current SO has unwarranted issues with it, well it looks like you landed yourself with a controlling possessive bitch.

I’m in a brand new relationship..but I’ve been seeing him for 5 months. Official just a month. I don’t want it to be a secret that I keep in touch with my ex once in a while. We talk about once a week or two. Should I just tell him straight up? Wait till I get a text and he asks, “Who is that?” and then tell him?

I’ve always kept in touch with my ex because we left on good terms.

This question has no way to really answer it. It so depends on the people and we or I don’t know anything about them. If the two have common friends it is bound to happen so being civil with each other is key if you don’t want to put the friends through unnecessary drama.

Yes, tell him straight up. Keeping it secret will only fill his head with doubt when he does find out.

How should I bring it up? I’d be so nervous and scared what he’d think.

Hopefully he’s mature enough to be ok with it. I think you should definitely tell him.

How to bring it up? You could say “It occurred to me that you might not be aware that I’m still friends with an ex – what do you think of that?”

“So I was talking to John the other day – have I mentioned him? He’s my ex, and now we’re just friends (don’t worry, totally over the romantic feelings for him)? Anyway, he was telling me about this one book he read on the rise of the Flat World Myth, and it so I think I’m going to read this book. Want to read it with me?”

Perfectly ok in my book, but yes… tell the new SO.

I do not think it is ok for a current SO to put restrictions on their SO’s communication with former SO’s. I have quite a past on myself, and numerous X g/f’s and even just “flings” are friends of mine, in some cases close friends. Though I have no intention of rekindling a relationship with them, in most cases I wish to maintain those friendships. I don’t think there’s a problem with it as long as it remains a friendship, and doesn’t “rekindle” into something.

I recently had a spat with my g/f over me talking to my most recent X g/f. The irony being the communication with the X was practically a token attempt to maintain that friendship, and was largely focused on the topic of her brother (who is a close friend of mine and how I met her) and his personal issues, rather than any kind of talk about she and I or our past relationship.

You can talk with your ex, why not? Question is why do you have to, especially if you have just started in a new relationship? Splitting in good terms maybe a good reason, no animosity between you, sure. But what difference does it make if you cut communication with him altogether so you can enjoy a new SO?

If however, you have been separated with an ex for a year and are just good platonic friends all throughout that time, then it is ok more likely to continue that even if you get into a new relationship. Obviously, you’re just friends and no microscopic strings attached between you.

Thanks everyone. I wouldn’t mind if he kept in touch with an ex as long as it wasn’t a threat to our relationship and he wasn’t talking to her for long hours all the time.

I agree with @mazingerz88: why do you need to keep in touch with the ex? Are you short of friends? There are many men that would be fine with your keeping in touch with an ex, but you will find an equal number that are not fine with it. I think because it’s possible to still retain feelings for that person, and although you may tell yourself there may be no strings attached, there often are still fond memories, flirting, and all that stuff. Be careful because it’s great of you to want to tell him, and be totally up front about it, but it’s very possible he will not be ok with it. You have to ask yourself how much he means to you, and how important to you the conversations with the ex are. You may just want to make a clean break with the ex.

I don’t believe in cutting out people in my life like that. Especially when I’ve had a friendship with them since I was 12 for 10 years. I just don’t think it’s fair and I don’t see what the problem is if I’m not FLIRTING, not trying to get back with them, talk often, or have feelings for them. I really hate that just because you’re in a relationship you can’t talk to someone. If I break up with my current bf I would like to keep him as a friend too. I just don’t like losing people at all in my life that I care about.

@chelle21689 I agree, and have some first hand experience with this situation. An old boyfriend and I were very good friends, and continued to be after I got married the first time. Unfortunately, my friend got drunk one night and said something he shouldn’t have (he wasn’t hitting on me or anything), and my husband told me I had to cut him out of my life because of it. I did, for the sake of my marriage, but I always regretted it.

When I got divorced, I found him on Facebook, and we’re friends again. When I started dating my (now) husband, I told him about this guy right up front, and made sure he understood that I would never drop him again. He gets it, and is totally ok with our friendship. That’s part of what makes my husband a good husband, to me.

Yesterday when I went to shower I left my phone in the living room with my boyfriend. When I went back in to the room he said to me, “Can I ask you something? Do you still talk to your ex?” I said “Yeah, why?” He said, “Your phone rang and had a miss call from him. Why is he calling you this late?” It was 11pm but probably 8 or 9pm my ex’s time. I said “I don’t know.” which was a true answer…I really don’t know lol it’s around that time where we have the time to talk because of time difference I guess. I got worried about my bf and tried to ease his mind cuz he has been cheated on by his last gf with her ex boyfriend and left him for her ex.

My boyfriend said that he just wants me to be honest. I think he doesn’t like it but I think he tries to be understanding and not controlling as long as I’m not being fishy about it. I feel better that he knows now and I hope that it won’t cause us to break up.

I think you have to ask yourself how important the phone calls from the ex are, and how important is it to you to keep in touch with him. If the present bf does not like it, you may re-think both relationships and decide which one means more to you.